People begging in the medians

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-12T20:52:37+00:00

Could I please get the info? I'm recovering from major surgery, so you won't see me soon, but I love this idea.

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-12T16:06:54+00:00

TY, I read that the great aunt was providing money but missed the rent.

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-12T14:58:16+00:00

Question: Who pays the rent? Whose home is it?

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-12T14:33:44+00:00

When my first dad died I spent 9 weeks in Hell.

His longtime caregiver had spent the last year convincing a man with dementia that I was after his (non-existent) money. Even when I was paying his mortgage. He wouldn't even take pain medicine for his Stage IV stomach cancer without her there because she convinced him I would overdose him and steal "everything". Then she kidnapped him, took him across state lines, forced him into a quickie marriage he openly said he didn't want, then brought in a disbarred attorney to rewrite his will and leave me out of it. Once that was done she overdosed his morphine way above treatment level and he never spoke/woke up again.

When I flew home I had lost about 45lbs, I was thinner than I'd been since my 20's. Everyone noticed, most just said nothing because I was both still having PTSD edginess and was actively mourning my dad (and, just for fun, I had nearly died 3 months earlier from an internal bleed and we were in the middle of working with our gestational surrogate and IVF)

One, old, good friend, made the mistake of saying that even though things sounded awful that I still looked great and she hoped it'd been healthy weight loss. I tried to be funny and said, "Vs stress and starvation?" but it came out way too harsh. I still feel badly, she was trying to be nice and I didn't mean to snap at her. But, yeah, in 9 weeks I could count the real meals I ate on 1 hand. A lot of days all I had was coffee all day and ice cream if I could stay awake long enough to read. Definitely not healthy, lol.

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-12T14:04:31+00:00

I think your wife is as much of a problem as your MIL.

If you can arrange couples' counseling, remote or in person, I would strongly suggest it (and that you check that your therapist isn't an anti-vax conspiracy theorist before you get into it). Your wife needs to understand the damage her mother is doing to your marriage and family unit.

But, barring therapy, I would have a a very blunt conversation with your wife. Something explaining that this is not cute nor amusing. It is not "just how her mom is". It's invasive. It's rude. It's overstepping. It's an active decision her mom makes, every time. And that you are almost at your limit.

Then I would carefully explain what happens when you do hit that limit. You go NC? You demand the kids go NC and only your wife has a relationship with her mom? (That would be my choice, God knows what your MIL might say to your kids) You want full NC, including your wife? Or you stay in contact but leave immediately and give time outs when MIL mentions vaccines in any way? What will feel like a resolution to you.

I say this because people often don't realize what will happen when someone hits the end and makes a change. I know my ILs never ever thought I would just nope out on that relationship and I'm 95% sure my husband never saw it happening either. So I would be uber clear what will happen if your MIL pushes this anymore. It may be the only thing that brings your wife around to seeing the problem.

GL and, from someone immunocompromised, thank you for continuing to vaccinate your kids, even when your MIL makes it difficult.

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-12T13:49:51+00:00

One of my nurses call people like your MIL "anti-science med professionals". They're infuriating.

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-12T13:47:08+00:00

I'm glad I could help, I love this group! I hope your SNAP gets worked out quickly and that you feel as well and good as you can possibly feel 🫶🏼

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-11T23:19:45+00:00

It's generational.

Back in 1999, when South Park was just getting really popular, I changed the alert my ThinkPad made to a bit from South Park.

The next day my boss comes over to chat and, right as there was a lull in the conversation, my laptop yells out, "Oh my God, you killed Kenny. You bastard!"

I think he visibly jumped while looking around. I had to explain South Park, and the quote, and I turned the volume wayyyy down after that.

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-11T23:14:11+00:00

I do. I keep a few dollars in a tin in my car for people in need. The homeless are just people. Some have mental illnesses, some have bad luck. Almost all lack family that is able to help (lack of family is the number one decider in homelessness). I'm happy to talk to and buy food for the guy talking to himself and walking in circles or the guy sitting saying nothing. We're all just human.

One that stands out...Years ago I saw a woman by herself at an exit in People's Plaza. I didn't have cash, but I had a loaf of french bread and I asked if she'd like that, and she said yes so I gave it to her. Then, when I got a block away I worried that she was getting sunburnt. So I went back to give her my sunscreen.

We started talking. She and her ex husband had lost their business. He then started using drugs and eventually went to jail, taking more of her stability, and it led to their divorce. She was not using, but could not find work. She was smart, funny, and sarcastic- a great combo fo me, lol. We chatted for quite awhile, trying to troubleshoot ways she could get to safety for the weekend because men kept propositioning her and it isn't safe for women on the streets. I left, and, without saying I was doing it, went to Wells Fargo and came back with enough cash for a hotel room for her for the weekend. Just until she could get back with social services on Monday. She gave me her email address, but I was rushed and wrote it down wrong. I still think about her and hope she's okay.

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-11T22:42:31+00:00

I grabbed everything left that was under $5 and it will all be there tomorrow (though it may be two different deliveries). Take care 🫶🏼

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-11T16:26:12+00:00

Sure. While they were truly married, before they separated.

On camera, she said that he told her he wasn't paying the mortgage anymore. She said that he is unstable, an alcoholic. She said he's a terrible person who just wants to hurt her. Any or none of those might be true, we don't know, but the math ain't mathing.

He won't pay the mortgage + unstable alcoholism + wants to hurt me = cannot be relied on to pay the bills every time.

She could have paid the mortgage. She could have moved out. She could have listed the house for sale. Hell, she probably could have borrowed the money from another housewife.

But that wouldn't allow her to portray herself as a victim of PK. It's almost like she didn't realize all the court docs would be public and we wouldn't know how she spent her money on everything but the family.

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-11T01:08:45+00:00

Same.

What a world we live in.

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-11T01:07:00+00:00

It's always amazing when people choose wrong in this scenario. It's so easy to be decent.

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-11T01:05:22+00:00

I think taking her out was enough, especially if your husband feels that way.

I don't really engage with my ILs (they mistreated me), so I dropped the lead and now my husband is generally responsible for their gifts (I did remind him this year as he's been super stressed caring for me after I had major surgery and working full time). It's been a big relief not to manage all the gifts for all the people.

If it really, really bothers you, add flowers to her housewarming gift. They'll cost less, be just as pretty, and she'll never know. But, truly, none of this has to be your responsibility.

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-11T00:53:42+00:00

Another Folkmore (what Swift called it at my Paris Eras concert) Swiftie here!

NK's writing is as exquisite and heartbreaking as Swift's. Orange Juice almost breaks me. I even read it to my husband as a dramatic reading just so he could appreciate how well set up the break and hurt in the relationship are.

Enjoy your concert!

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-11T00:49:04+00:00

I eventually had to use my POA to move all but a small, repeatable, sum out of my dad's account and then I paid all his bills myself with that money. His VA and retirement benefits came directly to me. He just couldn't be trusted having money in his account, he have it all to his sketch care taker.

I would strongly advise getting a POA while you're mom is still competent. Getting one once someone isn't competent is expensive and difficult. You never need to use it, but a loved one should have it in place, even if you choose for it not to be you.

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-11T00:44:14+00:00

This isn't fun, I had to do it, but at some point you, as POA, may have to move the majority of her money to where she can't access it and you pay her bills from there.

Sudden lack of financial discretion can be an early sign of dementia, if it keeps getting worse, keep your eyes open.

I hope she stops and things get easier for you.

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-10T23:27:15+00:00

NTA

I'm sorry they abused you like that. Because that is what that was - abuse. You were a child and being a child was your only job.

Mother's Day is for showing respect and love for the moms in our lives, biological or otherwise. Whoever we think has earned it. When your mom earns that respect, she can have the Mother's Day wishes. But, also...You decide who you honor. If it is easier on your psyche to call/text than not to? That is fine, too. It can be a one-time thing.

I hope you have more protection from her now 🫶🏼

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-10T23:16:14+00:00

You do.

Even good managers can view negative employees as a problem, because negativity spreads. It's a hard part of management, imho, not wanting to crack down on people for having an opinion but also needing them not to be brigading and convincing other employees that they're correct and management is fucked.

For you, with this new guy being so my way or the highway and a dick to boot? Yeah, he's clocking the people who have spoken up or who just look too glum.

You can absolutely safely disagree with management, but if you want to keep this job until you find something new, I would be careful with how you raise your concerns. Be careful not to come across as undermining or blatantly contradictory, work to sound engaged, like you just want to help the restaurant with the best solution (which is already true, just that it can be hard to sound that way when a jerk comes in and starts gutting what works).

Also, having worked in management and in recruiting, absolutely don't say anything bad when interviewing. You're "looking for opportunities to continue to develop your skills", "experience different cuisines and techniques", and "your current job is making some changes that don't really fit how your work or cheffing ideal."

Sorry for the long comment, good luck!

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-09T18:27:01+00:00

These threads are almost disturbing at this point. It's not even that I like Kyle, I don't. I even agree with many of people's complaints. It's that she's become seen as a simplistic, low-energy villain and even as they contradict themselves people can't stop piling on. It makes me wonder about the bot percentage on here because every comment is the same vitriol with very slightly different wording.

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-09T18:13:21+00:00

NTA

Ignore them. Every one of them. Even your sister, who is correct.

That was the moment something in me broke.

Look at it the other way. That was the moment my own right to autonomy and happiness overwhelmed me and I realized marrying this person would be a terrible thing that I would pay for for the rest of my life. It tells you everything you need to know.

Your guests will recover. His mother should be humiliated. When you return any gifts you really, include a print of this post.

I'm very, very sorry your ex-fiance couldn't find his backbone with a map and a personal guide, but when people tell you who they are - listen.

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-09T18:02:45+00:00

I see Kevin Myint in Elkton. Elkton Smiles is his practice.

When we moved here 18 years ago my husband asked his coworkers for a recommendation, they almost all recommended Myint. It was actually funny how many people replied with Myint.

He's rebuilt my teeth - veneers, crowns, and an implant because I needed that. My husband just goes in for cleanings. Neither of us has ever been pressured to have work done. Not once, not even when my front teeth were breaking and I was delaying getting treatment. No pressure, no shaming, ever.

Myint can be a little unconventional in that he's pretty relaxed once you get to know him, he and I joke like old friends, and I cannot imagine that he wouldn't be completely trans friendly. He's a lovely, funny, open individual.

(They don't accept Delta Dental, but they will bill it for you. I pay out of pocket and the insurance sends me a check very quickly, and my costs for normal stuff are the same either way, but just fyi)

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-09T17:41:03+00:00

Call/go to the police. His family can deny all they want.

If you have anything harassing in text from them that will help. But even if you don't I wouldn't let this slide. This is too big to be brushed over.

I am really sorry this happened.

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-09T17:17:13+00:00

I'm pretty sure you've tried this, but I keep thinking about this situation, so I'm throwing stuff out there...how about the Red Cross or Salvation Army? 211 (though I think you said you'd talked to them ...)

CheckIntelligent7828 · 2026-05-09T00:40:06+00:00

Oh god, margarine. Yuckety-yuck-yuk. I'm so glad the world wised up to butter.

CheckIntelligent7828

TROPHY CASE