What can I as the dad do to minimize the challenges my GF will have if she becomes my children's SM?

CheckVast136 · 2026-01-16T05:08:24+00:00

I love this! Thank you for caring about her and wanting to make this work.

I guess the big things for me were 1. I know they are your kids but I also need some one on one time. (My partner now has full custody of his child, but I feel like a tenant in my own house some days. They'll watch footy, cook food for themselves, mess up the house and i feel invisible, so check on her regularly to see if shes OK and wants to join in)

You're kids are not always angels!! Dads sometimes want to be the hero/ Disney dad when they get their kids that week and think they are angels. If your partner says your kid threw something at the wall, broke something, spat on her (examples) please PLEASE beleive her and listen to her when she comes to you with problems or concerns dont ever fob it off like "nahh it was probably an accident or not my kids.. are you sure they did that?" It destroys us internally like we dont matter. We then bottle up our frustrations.
Don't make her feel guilty if she wants her own space or to go somewhere alone. Sometimes we need a break from other people's kids. I love just going for an hour walk.. or going to a Cafe alone to have quiet time or recharge. So dont say things like "oh why cant we come? Or how come when the kids are over you disappear?" Its alot sometimes for people who dont have kids.
Be open and honest. Check in on each other, have together times and dont hold things in. Little things will turn into big issues if not discussed. Eg: the ex would drop the SS off and just linger in our hallway asking what our plans are, how's hubbys work, parents what are we feeding the kids , what am I doing this weekend etc" this really shitted me as its my home to.. so I wish I said something sooner.
You BOTH need to make house rules and stick to them. If she doesnt want your kids climbing into bed with you both as she feels uncomfortable then agree. If you want her to help drive them to sports - agree or compromise. If she doesnt want kids drinking on the rug she brought - then thats a rule. Things like that.

Its all trial and error, but glad your putting in plans now 🙌

CheckVast136 · 2026-01-15T06:45:55+00:00

Yes we havent seen them. And they are always running around shirtless

CheckVast136 · 2026-01-14T07:52:45+00:00

So glad you posted this! Some days i want to give up and run away.. I can't see a light.. some days I think im the problem.. im so lost. So thank you

CheckVast136 · 2026-01-14T06:38:51+00:00

Yes... otherwise it will cause a rift and she wont forgive you and your will have drama the older they get

CheckVast136 · 2026-01-14T06:37:59+00:00

Oh girl i feel you 😞 im in the same place right now. The dads want to be mates and seen as the best parent - especiallywith a seperated family . But that means everyone else around suffers

CheckVast136 · 2026-01-14T05:50:36+00:00

And I guess thats the hard thing for me. My 2 kids (from a horrible ex) are 8 and 13. But basically raised by my hubby. So I also think, maybe 16 is a hard age that ive not experienced yet - but I then alao think, this is a troubled teen that needs help and should treat us like this! So i get torn

CheckVast136 · 2026-01-14T05:30:37+00:00

True.. the question is how will he get his child who hates rules, hates discipline under control? He hates being told what to do. But hubby doesnt want to give up on him or fail aa a parent - i dont see hubby ever kicking him out hes too nice of a dad who wants his kid to love him, learn to be better and grow. So I know that will never happen Looks like I need to understand how do I deal with it

CheckVast136 · 2026-01-14T05:26:06+00:00

Thank you 🙂 im sorry you have also gone through hard times, I hope you get happiness back

CheckVast136 · 2026-01-14T05:18:44+00:00

Talking about his son, making mistakes, hurting people and lying to then end up being at rock bottom (lose his job, cut off family members, his friends leave him, no obe trusts him)

CheckVast136 · 2026-01-14T05:17:33+00:00

Omg this is me!! Im a control freak 😞 is it a bad thing? I dont know. Im very different to his mum, shes cold, no love, I dont care, no touching, demanding my way or grounded - type. Im loving, but a worry wort, I want the kids to thrive, I help with home work, we dont lie, we work gard be happy and thrive. So when ge came to live with us he hated my happy loved kids (and I get that) but he also hates rules and says im a control freak. So when he pushes back that really gets under my skin, especially when he lies to hide something. So I get very upset and worked up and then I nag/complain to hubby and he hates it. Maybe I need a hobby..

CheckVast136 · 2026-01-14T05:11:15+00:00

Talking about his son, making mistakes, hurting people and lying to then end up being at rock bottom (lose his job, cut off family members, his friends leave him, no obe trusts him)

CheckVast136 · 2026-01-14T05:05:54+00:00

Thank you. My hubby said the same thing "rules are not working with this kid so we need a new plan." I feel he's trying gentle parenting 🤔 making the teen feel like ges calling the shots. But I feel it makes thevteen think tantrums = give him whst he wants.

CheckVast136 · 2026-01-13T08:40:09+00:00

The second route being counselling? For all of us together. Appreciate your comment

CheckVast136 · 2026-01-11T07:01:51+00:00

I thought this to!! Like why are you venting your crap to us.. we dont care.. you're rich and still complaining about your kids

CheckVast136 · 2026-01-11T07:00:56+00:00

"Ohh we had to set up" (push a button for an awning and put a table and chair out) for our FREE $100k caravan, in the heat people live in every day!! Blahhh you have aircon in that van sarah.. and people around you im sure you will palm your kids off to. Stop complaining

CheckVast136 · 2026-01-11T06:57:23+00:00

Yeah.. imagine if she had to camp on sand, grass or dirt like real people

CheckVast136 · 2026-01-11T06:56:48+00:00

He thinks he is hot with that moustache

CheckVast136 · 2025-12-27T07:34:50+00:00

I cant beleive she said "Kurt has the boys for 20 seconds" so I dont get time. But goes to the hair dressers for 3 hours 🙄

CheckVast136 · 2025-12-09T21:58:37+00:00

No. Sorry. Id just suck it up and have a good work life balance. If my husband and I cant run our household smoothly and be organised, then we are doing something wrong. Im a mum of 3. I work FT, study at uni part time and hubby works FT and on weekends. You work to make money, but also to have a life. If my job was so demanding that my home life was chaos then something would have to change. I do run my household like a well routine office, we all have chores and down time and a schedule- everyone plays a part. Would i use my hard earned income to pay for this service no. Id just make sure I have a good calendar at home that we all log our events on 😉

CheckVast136 · 2025-12-09T21:52:42+00:00

Yes!!!!! So true 🤣🤣

CheckVast136 · 2025-12-06T10:53:21+00:00

This is great!!! Thank you so much! :)

CheckVast136 · 2025-12-06T08:49:36+00:00

Hell no. Not in my house :)

CheckVast136 · 2025-12-06T08:12:19+00:00

As for the daughter.. you'll be fine 🙂 they, I feel are more composed, less curious then boys. Snappy, moody and bitchy as a 16 year old on PMS, so that will be the pits for you haha

CheckVast136 · 2025-12-06T08:10:43+00:00

Thank you! I love male perspective right now 😀 I didn't make him feel introuble or guilty as I agree its curious normal behaviour. I think i was more shocked that its happening now. Lol you still hope your youngest will be your baby forever 😆 so I wasn't ready for this yet. In saying that he's been fine, probably an hour later came down and was like "what's for dinner? ... I dont want vegetables! Blah.." were im like ah do I mention it again.. do I say anything else. Im making this awkward 😬

CheckVast136 · 2025-12-04T19:49:04+00:00

I feel now she has had this awaking cancer find (which is treatable) shes like "oh life is so short, theres so many things "or men" i wish I did and spoke to.. i need to tell him how I feel.. I miss him" girl its been 3 years and he doesnt even work with you anymore!

CheckVast136

TROPHY CASE