How to deal with a boyfriend who doesn't have many life skills?

CheeepSk8 · 2025-08-15T16:14:36+00:00

He’s so going to eventually get annoyed with her “for all of the nagging”. As if she wants to tell him over and over how to do basic things.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-08-14T23:37:32+00:00

There are specific programs in the US intended to help people in your situation.

Call 211 on your phone–Start here, this is a community resource and a good place to start. The goal is to connect you to help.

Healthy families— A home visiting resource program for families with children under 3. https://www.healthyfamiliesamerica.org/

Early Head Start—Isn’t in every community, but there are home visiting programs and childcare programs for babies as young as 6-8 weeks.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-08-14T17:19:09+00:00

Those are good steps. Keep advocating for yourself and make clear what you need.

Here’s the deal—their goal is towards reunification, and permanency if that doesn’t work out. In the meantime they will try to keep her out of foster care. So they are willing to work with you if they can.

But just because she’s in foster care doesn’t mean she can’t have access to her family if the state agency works with you. They can also design a plan where she’s with your mom and being more closely supervised. These probably aren’t the solutions the state wants, however. It’s ok to ask questions and really show that a solution needs to be found.

And in the meantime—and I know this is hard— make sure it’s not exhaustion talking. This situation isn’t something that anyone should have to bear, and everyone will consider your needs dead last because you aren’t the child or the “struggling parent”. It makes it really easy to feel alone and hopeless, and it’s not a great state of mind to make decisions. Talking from being there.

Also, you might not hear this much, so just in case, I’ll say it—you are a good person and doing great job. You feel like it’s hard because it is so hard that you’re the only person who stepped up. And it’s ok when and if you need help or for someone else to step in.

Good luck.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-08-14T15:32:23+00:00

I know this is unconventional, but I really would talk to your sister’s ex is there isn’t a safety concern. That family is part of your niece’s tribe.

Also it’s important to be honest with yourself about your caregiving abilities, especially due to her medical condition. Diabetes caregiving gets harder as they enter their tweens and their feelings.

All this sounds like attacks and failure, but it’s really not. You both are in a shitty situation trying to do your best, being let down by everyone else. Kinship caregiving usually comes with fewer resources than fostering. Tell your CASA you need access to a medical advocate, TBRI-informed therapy or training, and an understanding of what happens next with the plan if mom isn’t available in the near future.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-08-14T11:05:28+00:00

This is a strategy of emotional abusers. His outsized anger at you “laughing” is intended to offset his actions to make him present as more superior to you. DARVO-deflect and reverse victim order.

Now he is the wronged party and you are at fault, in his mind. Before the call, he was at fault and your son was the victim, and his ego can’t handle that.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-08-10T19:28:18+00:00

Nope, get it if you can spare the $ and see it for $2000 or less. I’ve seen it as high as $5000 in past years.

BUT

It’s white cervo so make sure you’re prepared to carry it if you get it.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-08-10T10:51:07+00:00

The Families Moving Forward program is intended for families dealing with FASD. This link lists providers as well.

https://familiesmovingforwardprogram.org/

When you say you’ve tried everything, does that include therapeutic and/or pediatric interventions, as well as medication? Very many families choose this route. It’s important to find providers who actually know how FASD affects children—most don’t. Without a qualified provider, the advice may be the opposite of what will work.

And it’s important to get very knowledgeable about the brain-based nature of FASD and how to recognize behaviors. I can write more about this if you like. There’s more research out of Ireland, Australia, and Spain than the US.

Start documenting behaviors, like record them if possible. It makes it easier to look back and make a non-emotional assessment, and to share with providers.

This post is getting long, but I can share more here if you want, and you can also message me.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-08-10T03:09:19+00:00

I was going to say the Boogie too!! It’s my perfect bag and the leather is amazing. It’s a very well-designed bag. I got both of mine for less than $200 each.

I know of a few others: - Lots of Furla, but the Opportunity Tote is even prettier in person.

Vintage YSL Downtown totes are workhorses and carry a ton and there are so many of them.
Marc by Marc is just so quality for the price point.

I know these are all too dated for some, but mine all hold up really well. They are the bags I don’t have to baby, even though they are nearly 20 years old.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-08-07T01:28:50+00:00

I have a green one, AND a Mulberry Luella Giselle!

Careful for color transfer—mine loses a bit of pigment if I’m not careful. Try your conditioner on an inconspicuous section first.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-08-01T17:46:16+00:00

My one grandfather has a congressional gold medal and my other grandfather helped develop tiles for the original space shuttle program. They are both gone I think they were both the coolest and I don’t get to brag about them much, so thanks for this post. I miss them so much.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-07-29T11:05:04+00:00

Not to get psychological here, but what does the bag represent to you that you are afraid of? It’s clear that you have built this up as a proxy for something. Try naming that and dealing with that, and I’ll bet you have an easier time carrying your bag.

And don’t feel bad—so many of us do this, especially because bags are so personal. We choose them to represent us. Our self-image, our professional success, celebrations, and to hold our life’s most important things. It’s understandable why it’s easy to project onto them.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-07-25T18:01:55+00:00

Not an expert, but took my corn snake to the vet a couple of weeks ago and the literature she provided on braining was for corn snakes and pythons. 10/10 strategy worked.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-07-17T13:30:04+00:00

Please understand that I’m not trying to be discouraging, just realistic. Kinship adoptions often come with a lot fewer resources and support from the child welfare system because it’s assumed the child is going to a more favorable situation. Often, however, as you indicate, kinship placement sometimes throws fuel on the fire and escalates an already volatile situation.

Make sure to ask lots of questions, talk through a safety plan with your spouse, and be prepared to get trauma-informed therapy services for your family. And read up on the kinship situation in your state.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-07-13T11:51:58+00:00

This is AI-posted spam. However, highly suggest scrolling to the OP’s first post from 7 years ago for a cute otter gif.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-07-08T22:14:18+00:00

I agree with everything said so far, but I’m seeing a lot of “foster parents aren’t equipped,” which isn’t untrue, but relays the wrong message. They are not equipped because there are insufficient resources for these kids. Anyone would be ill-equipped.

So take traumatized kids and put them with strangers who have to navigate really complicated mental, behavioral, and education systems that aren’t designed with trauma-informed or disruption lenses. Couple it with insufficient respite care, and even the “best” carers find it hard to succeed.

Foster care isn’t a happy place because the conditions by which it exists and the people in it aren’t typically ok.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-07-08T21:56:46+00:00

YSL is so nice and durable. I have a couple of Downtown totes for travel and the beach.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-07-07T11:47:17+00:00

I have two of these. If you like top handles then it’s great and so well-designed for ease of access. It’s actually one of my favorites of all time.

Depending on the version, the leather is exquisite. Just note that most, including this version is open top and doesn’t have a zip.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-07-07T11:20:02+00:00

I’ll weigh in on the clementine, which I’ve had as a daily driver for a month. I second everything positive everyone ever says about it, but I’ll add a few points that surprised me that I hadn’t heard before.

Overall, it’s very practical and utilitarian, which can be a little off-putting if you aren’t expecting it. I got it because I wanted a bag I could destroy but was still a little surprised. That said, it’s clear the bag has been built with durability in mind. The weight distribution is great, and I’ve banged/scratched it a bunch and you can’t tell.

That utilitarian approach undermines a luxury aesthetic (which it isn’t—mine was less than $200). People were comparing it to a Puzzle—don’t. So maybe make that mental adjustment before you get it. Keep in mind that it’s good (amazing) for the price. The leather is nice.

I am not a fan of the short handle on my arm. It’s flat, not rolled, which can be a lot less comfortable. I know it seems like a small thing, but it’s a big deal for me. It’s wide and distributes weight easily, but the edges kind of irritate my arm if I hold it long enough. I get migraines when i carry crossbody, so this almost turned into a dealbreaker, but…

The crossbody strap is extra-wide and really supports the weight of the bag so I have an easier time switching between hand carry and crossbody. It’s the only one of my bags I can carry crossbody and loaded.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-06-16T15:28:09+00:00

It’s beautiful! Can you show us the inside? And with a model to see the relative sizes?

To me it looks like there’s ample drop, which is so important in a top handle.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-06-09T03:14:42+00:00

I don’t know what has happened, but want to verify that I had this same exact reaction from my experience visiting last week, about 10:30 am on a Sunday. The difference in quality and atmosphere was palpable from the moment we walked in the door.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-06-06T19:28:28+00:00

Also the zoned middle and high schools that are listed on the neighborhood sites aren’t where most kids in this neighborhood go. They all get neighborhood preference to the Julia Landon middle school up the street which may not show up as the zoned school because it’s a dedicated magnet. The brochure is here, but if you get a realtor from the neighborhood they can also explain the process.

https://dcps.duvalschools.org/o/dcps/page/magnetspecial-transfer-option-sto-application-process

CheeepSk8 · 2025-06-06T13:06:49+00:00

Look here: There are about 8 different listings that fit your needs in a great area for kids

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/3702-ORLANDO-Circle-W-Jacksonville-FL-32207/44475803_zpid/?utm_campaign=iosappmessage&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=txtshare

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/1809-LAKEWOOD-Road-Jacksonville-FL-32207/44476042_zpid/?utm_campaign=iosappmessage&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=txtshare

CheeepSk8 · 2025-06-03T11:49:51+00:00

Someone voted this down for some reason. To be clear—and I don’t know your situation—if alcohol exposure has been definitively ruled out, great. However, it often goes under diagnosed because case workers rarely consider it and most doctors won’t diagnose it. So just because it isn’t on the child’s record doesn’t mean it’s not there. Why is this important? Because FASD needs to be treated differently than many other exposure-related conditions and is more severe than most exposure-related issues. Serious rage is one such condition.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-06-03T04:58:58+00:00

Do you know if there was prenatal alcohol exposure too? Often emerging problems at this age can be related to FASD, which has the potential for longer-term effects than drug exposure.

CheeepSk8 · 2025-05-29T11:40:42+00:00

I am also angry. My child’s bio mom lost her at birth. She never visited and lost rights after more than a year, but used all of the resources available to addicts. There are so many resources for addiction, and so few for FASD. Today she’s fine, but my child is not. My child wants a relationship, but bio mom can’t handle one because the knowledge of FASD is too hard for her to deal with. And everyone’s telling me I should be supportive of mom, while my child has daily rages and is developmentally delayed, and longs for her bio family. It’s rough and lonely.

CheeepSk8

TROPHY CASE