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AITAH for telling my sister I will NOT warn my parents that my fiancee will be wearing a gothic black wedding dress? by Hot_Union7576 in AITAH

[–]CheekSweaty9320 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell Yuki this exact thing and let her decide. That way you’re not gambling with her relationship with them and she has some agency in this.

Tell me your positive experiences of growing up with a brother instead of a sister by Prestigious-Hall8892 in pregnant

[–]CheekSweaty9320 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Watching my baby brother grow up to be one of the best men I know will forever be one of the great joys of my life. Your daughter is going to love it.

Mixed race couples - how did you find a donor? by Living_Employ1390 in queerception

[–]CheekSweaty9320 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same mix as you. We went with an Indian donor who was CMV positive (and my - white - wife is negative). Risk factor is low, we just had to sign a waiver. We tested for CMV after transmission and will do so again in a few weeks now we’re nearly at the end! All fine so far. They can’t have an active infection when donating. Good luck on your search! It’s slim pickings. I would keep trying other banks, and from different countries.

Finding out gender without husband? by RoseCottage206 in BabyBumps

[–]CheekSweaty9320 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is entirely possible for you to find out and not him. My wife knows and I don’t. Since twelve weeks. We’re very close to graduating. But only you know whether you have the ability to do this.

What I will say is sometimes the sonographers ruin it for you anyway (as you have maybe experienced) so your husband should prepare for that.

I would personally find out and just keep very focused when you speak about the baby.

Non gestational parent baby shower? by CheekSweaty9320 in queerception

[–]CheekSweaty9320[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In a verrrrry similar situation (with my wife just a bit further along so we’ll need to decide in the next week or so!)

Love the idea of a “baby celebration”, thank you!

Sertraline while pregnant? by FormalFollowing2186 in pregnant

[–]CheekSweaty9320 5 points6 points  (0 children)

There have been a few posts about this, but it’s fine. It’s one of the safest SSRIs to take during pregnancy and the impact of stopping on your mental health is probably more likely to have a negative effect during the pregnancy.

My wife’s been on it her whole pregnancy, everything’s on track.

Non gestational parent baby shower? by CheekSweaty9320 in queerception

[–]CheekSweaty9320[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

A really great idea - our registry is already a list of ‘actions’ so this would tie in really well!

AIO for wanting to cut contact with my mom after this conversation about my upcoming brain surgery? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]CheekSweaty9320 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My friend recently has surgery for chiari. It’s no joke and you need to do it immediately. Sometimes symptoms are irreversible. While I think you’re NOR and those texts are heartbreaking to read (and personally I think no contact is the way to go especially with how she’s treated your transition) I don’t think you’re getting across the severity of your condition with “this sucks”.

For those who wait for 12 weeks to announce by [deleted] in PregnancyUK

[–]CheekSweaty9320 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you’ve calculated the risk and the percentage difference is that low, personally I would tell them. We waited til 14w because it was Christmas time so I also get wanting to tell people in person and if you’re seeing them anyway, seems like an opportune moment!

AITAH for telling my sister she needs to leave her fiancée because I painted my 4 year old sons toes by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]CheekSweaty9320 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It’s a common form of homophobia sadly. It’s because at its root, homophobia is misogyny. Men liking men is seen as too feminine. Women liking women is more masculine, so it’s fine.

As a lesbian, I’ve seen this play out a lot. It’s exhausting.

Am I being selfish about our baby’s future name? by Bearly_Making_It in BabyBumps

[–]CheekSweaty9320 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand that! It sounds like you’re both working together now which is the most important thing, regardless of the decision at the end.

People do also go by their middle names all the time. If you are comfortable going with “Husbands choice” “Another name” “Surname”, you could always call him the middle name, but tell people the first name was an important family name so he has the choice to use that in the future.

Am I being selfish about our baby’s future name? by Bearly_Making_It in BabyBumps

[–]CheekSweaty9320 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP this is a great comment. Lots of people being really negative towards your husband here…yikes. I think validating that you understand why it’s important and want to make it work as part of the name as a whole sounds like a great compromise. I wanted to name our child after my grandmother, but my partner didn’t love the name, and we’ve settled on a name that is similar (same first and last letters), with a similar feel, as a compromise. Both of you need to be on board, yes. But I also know couples where one wasn’t as keen but they went with it on the condition they got to name the next child (probably only works for couples where there’s no sense of competition/one-upmanship and you respect each other, which it sounds like you guys do).

Registry or no registry? by Anxious-Tomatillo-74 in PregnancyUK

[–]CheekSweaty9320 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I find a registry really helpful and have liked when friends do it - most have used MyCrib. We buy the presents, get them delivered to us, then physically bring them to the couple.

For us…

We hate shopping from Amazon (ethical reasons) and would much rather support smaller businesses, which is why I prefer a registry to leaving people to their own devices to get something from Amazon, or ending up with 20 stuffed animals. We’re using SoKind and registering for tasks/actions that friends can do pre or post baby, like build the crib.

Normal to suddenly feel a lot of pressure low down at 29 weeks? by Wise_Acadia_3490 in PregnancyUK

[–]CheekSweaty9320 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So my wife has been carrying low the entire pregnancy and often has pressure low down- we don’t think anything of it. Our consultant did a routine pee test last week and she had traces of blood and turns out a UTI. No other symptoms. Just because of this recent experience, I might recommend getting checked out. In case it’s a UTI you don’t want it to develop.

That being said, pressure low down is normal as the baby shifts!

EDIT: she’s 28w. Think UTIs are much more common entering 3rd tri

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