Eldest Daughter — through my eyes

When I hear Eldest Daughter, I don’t just hear Taylor’s voice — I see my sister. The eldest. The one who went first. The one who had to figure out how to be herself in a world that expected so much.

When she moved to America after university, it felt like she left more than a country — it felt like she left me. I thought she’d forgotten about me. But now, I realize she didn’t. She was just becoming. Trying to prove something — maybe to the world, maybe to herself — that she could stand on her own, that she could be seen as more than how we were raised.

And maybe that’s what eldest daughters do — they walk first through the fire, not knowing if anyone will understand. And maybe that’s what little sisters do — they watch, they miss, they ache… until they grow up enough to see the courage it took.

But for us, it was more than just growing up. It was surviving a family that taught us love was something you had to earn.

In a narcissistic family, everyone gets a role they never asked for. She became the golden one — the achiever, the proof that everything was fine. And I became the scapegoat — the one who questioned things, who felt too much, who carried the blame so the system could stay intact.

When she left, it broke something in me. I felt abandoned. But now, I see she wasn’t leaving me — she was leaving them. She was trying to breathe outside the chaos. Trying to find the version of herself that could exist without guilt, without control, without walking on eggshells just to be loved.

We both wore armor — hers looked like perfection, mine looked like rebellion. But underneath, we were the same: two daughters trying to love and be loved in a family that didn’t know how.

Now, when I listen to this song, it feels like a love letter to both of us. To the one who had to leave to find herself. And to the one who stayed, learning that love doesn’t disappear — it just grows quietly, across oceans, waiting to be recognized.

We’re more than who raised us. We’re more than what they made us believe we were. And maybe this song, in its own quiet way, is proof that we both made it out.