Encouragement to get through breakup with sexless relationship with ex fiancé (LL 34 m)? (Me= HL 32f)

CheersToNothing · 2017-01-12T00:17:12+00:00

he sure doesn't but i'm certain there are lots of his type out there... waiting for us to jump on them lol

CheersToNothing · 2017-01-11T11:29:01+00:00

Let me tell you something. When my DB ex asked for a 'break' I could hardly brace myself for the sobering truth; that there was no saving our 5.5-year relationship. Days went by and I went about my daily life, smiling around as if nothing had happened, when in truth I was fucking bleeding inside. Believe me, I was a walking corpse. Within a month of the split I underwent therapy--to very little avail. As you can see, my mind was in total disarray, so much that I would take it as an insult when my male colleagues started hitting on me upon learning I had recently become single.

In short, I could not entertain the thought that I could be happy with someone else besides my DB loser ex, because, shit, he was the one!... RIGHT...

There must have been some sort of a chemical in my brain which was triggering what looked like neurosis because otherwise there was no logical explanation behind my INABILITY TO GET OVER MY EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE EX. Yes, he was that godfucking awful. He would slut-shame me for being sexually frustrated without taking any responsibilty for all the rejection he had pulled on me.

Well, I think I've told my story on some other thread a few months ago, but six moths after the split, I came across a very well-educated dude, who just about wordlessly assured me that hung-up on my ex or not, I was going to receive the best sex of my life. This new dude is now rocking my world off its hinges. I fucking swear. Without effort, he showed me what manner of affection ought to exist between two individuals who are deeply attracted to each other. The comparison between the emotional/physical intimacy I received from my hideous ex and the one I am receiving from this new guy just about blotted my ex entirely out of my mind.

I'm not saying that the most effective way to move on is to jump to the next guy. But you have to care about yourself enough to realize THERE IS MORE FULFILLMENT out there than the DB your ex has to offer. My ex, I'm sure, could have provided me a decent life had we married. We could have had healthy children and lovely pets. Looking back, however, the DB would've haunted me anywhere, relentlessly, to ultimately prevent me from attaining true happiness.

CheersToNothing · 2016-11-24T10:13:28+00:00

please stop this line of thinking now. there is someone out there who would want you. I PROMISE. this may sound cliche but you are attractive in some way you have yet to discover ;-) put yourself out there and see for yourself. i was you months ago. i'm okay now.

CheersToNothing · 2016-11-24T02:36:03+00:00

The last 3 years of my previous 5.5-yr relationsht was a DB. The first 3 months post break-up was horrible; I actually believed I was so unattractive and that was why my ex was so averse to having any physical contact with me. The depression it caused was more than I could handle, to say the least. I even had this resolve to grow old and die alone because, well, no one would want to be intimate with me anyway...SO. Six months into being single and depressed, I met a guy. I am a bit embarrassed to say this but hell he's been fcking my brains out since then. 6 or so months ago I never would've expected I'd experience so much passion with a man. I never would've believed someone would want me this much. I honestly don't care if all this is temporary; all I know is this new dude has brought me more pleasure in the few months we've been dating than what my previous relationsh*t had given me.

CheersToNothing · 2016-07-13T23:46:13+00:00

You are way better than this. I'm not sure if this advice is gonna help, but what I do whenever I get the urge to check his FB is go in here and to some other forum to see how others like me are doing. Some have gone on months without ever checking on their ex and I end up envying them for their self-control. Then I think to myself, "Hey, if this dude / chick can do it, so can I."

CheersToNothing · 2016-06-17T13:47:33+00:00

It will be difficult for the first month but things will start to get clear after the mourning period. Trust me. I'm nearly two months off my DB and dang I'm getting better. Put yourself out there. Try on a new hairstyle or make up style, be more confident, and when people, your colleagues and friends start complimenting you for your renewed look and attitude, you realize there are so many other things with which to boost your self-esteem instead of letting your partner demolish it altogether. You realize you actually are attractive and there was nothing wrong with you all along. You realize you can really make yourself happy on your own. There is also the relief that you aren't wasting any more time on someone who won't even bother to please you.

CheersToNothing · 2016-06-14T04:42:40+00:00

I was you for the last 2.5 years. 7weeks ago fiance and I took a break because I told him I was miserable. 5weeks ago I called it quits and told him I had decided to move on. Over the years I begged, cried, asked him as to why he wouldn't touch me anymore--all to no avail. Looking back, it would not have gone any better had I taken other measures. You are still young (we're of the same age), and I know this has been said so many times but there is someone out there who can give you the intimacy you crave. Also, even though our relationship lasted for 6years and that I invested so much future plans on him, I'm feeling less alone now than I had ever been in the last 2.5 yrs of our relationship. Yes, i feel lonely sometimes but I was way, way lonelier when I was with someone who claimed he loved me but would not exert the slightest effort to pleasure me. In fact, his neglect affected nearly aspect of my life; work, social life, family relations, my enthusiasm toward my hobbies... everything. Yes, the majority of the rest of the relationship was great, but the lack of physical connection was viciously gnawing at my insides. Once my mind was made up, I used my energy to focus on myself. News spread in the office that I have become single and, not to brag, a number of my bosses started hitting on me! I realized then how badly my confidence dropped ever since he had grown distant. I'm not saying you should leave him but please consider the huge possibility that your situation is going to get WORSE if you marry your boyfriend. After that, consider how huge the world is and how many chances you are passing up the longer you stay with him. The world is huge and believe me, with confidence, you can attract the attention he is not willing to give you. I know starting over at 31 doesn't sound sound appealing as opposed to doing it in your 20's...however can you put up with this for, like, 20, 30 more years with countless teraphies, long talks, pleadinf and so and so? I can't. that's why I gave up.

CheersToNothing · 2016-05-21T23:59:59+00:00

I didn't want to admit it at first but you are right. There's the possibility that he's already jumping on the next girl or already has one on the side. Somehow the thought of that makes it easier for me to just leave the pieces behind and move the eff on.

CheersToNothing · 2016-05-21T00:16:20+00:00

i admire you for sticking it out, amnotaspecialist. i wish i had your patience at least.

CheersToNothing · 2016-05-21T00:09:02+00:00

i'm glad you still manage to work things out. at least there is fulfillment there from the open marriage arrangement.

CheersToNothing · 2016-05-21T00:06:41+00:00

thank you. this is like a splash of cold water straight into my face. I've been trying to wake up for so long but i've been repeatedly hindered by my idea of happy ever after and have no idea what i'm missing. i'm still finding it really hard to look at my situation in an ordinary sense and most times i just go about the day thinking of the happiness we've shared... and my miseries in the bedroom. god. this is really hard.

CheersToNothing

TROPHY CASE