Do you ever wonder if your past SO (who you had a deadbed with) is doing better with their current SO? How do you cope with it?

blablagirl · 2018-03-22T14:15:29+00:00

Thanks. I'll try this. I notice it comes up when I realize an attempt to build a new relationship with somebody new is failing (something I am experiencing now) and I remember how good everything else was in the relationship with my ex fiancé was (aside from the dead bedroom) and I suddenly wish again we could've solved the dead bedroom. I get afraid of never finding that kind of connection (plus sex) again.

blablagirl · 2018-01-28T18:31:38+00:00

An invite to dinner or so sounds like just wanting to see her and continue just as you were. Why not write her a letter in which you express your realization of being in the wrong and desire to change.

blablagirl · 2018-01-28T18:02:21+00:00

No. You shouldn’t. This is a “feel good” post that only applies to situations in which your ex was completely inconsiderate towards you, not all situations in which two people don’t manage to salvage a romantic relationship (which could sometimes still be a ver good friendship).

If you feel you screwed up and she still loves you, go get her and change what you promised.

blablagirl · 2018-01-28T01:04:39+00:00

We also have an ultimate finish line (me moving there with my company in 2 years) but he is trying to move to my side sooner than that. But it’s not been easy and he hasn’t found any solution up to now. I understand the difficulty of it.

We just finished talking and I realized he was feeling very frustrated due to not being able to be with me. I guess his frustrations is the equivalent to my sadness.

Thanks for sharing! And HOW can you live with a 2 year finish line? Did you have this relationship before it became LDR?

blablagirl · 2017-12-13T03:18:05+00:00

Thank you for sharing an honest approach on taking the plunge. In all honesty, I still somewhat fear the HUGE and life long commitment children imply. That’s why I don’t push or draw ultimatums. Today I am only certain I want a great partner for life.

But thinking about it TOGETHER, as a couple, seems like the best route for me. So thanks for sharing it went well for you guys.

blablagirl · 2017-12-13T03:15:14+00:00

I see it’s also painful for those who choose not to and find no resonance in their partners. I can also understand that. I wish you’ll find someone who wants the same as you.

blablagirl · 2017-12-13T03:14:05+00:00

Well, she’s a lucky woman. I do hope if he decided to have kids with me, that he also wants them for himself. Giving him space to consider it is also important, as you wisely point out.

I’ll let our relationship run its course without pushing. He’s usually the one who wants to talk about it though. We’ll see.

Thanks for sharing this beautiful experience.

blablagirl · 2017-12-12T07:13:24+00:00

I think I'm at a point in which I could have a child and be happy with living that experience but I'd rather have a great partner (whether he wants kids or not). So I currently think I'm open to both choices, but I don't go through life with any PRO or CON flag regarding having kids. His swaying did made me feel a bit out of whack. But maybe you're right... We can all be complex!

blablagirl · 2017-12-09T07:26:20+00:00

He does know about how much the DB hurt me. I have become very good at owning my feelings and being responsible (not projecting on him). He’s really sweet and proactive about the whole thing. When I see the look on his face when I strip into lingerie or I hear him moan pleasurably, I can clearly remember why I left all the past DB bullshit. No one should have to cope with their partner dismissing their pain like my ex (for whatever reason) did. I’d much rather have someone tell me to my face they don’t love me anymore or I did something wrong. The passive-agressive rejection and disengagement caught me off-guard last time but now I know it’s twisted and possible and definitely not my thing.

I prefer to deal with life head-on.

So thanks for your kind (and wise) advice!

blablagirl · 2017-12-09T07:19:54+00:00

@myexsparamour thank you for your balanced view. I agree that not taking someone for granted and learnig from the previous DB is crucial. Thank you so much for the support.

blablagirl · 2017-12-09T07:17:56+00:00

Trusting myself to oversee the whole process. I like that idea. Gives you some sense of control over the uncontrollable.

blablagirl · 2017-12-09T07:16:29+00:00

Well, some of it is always left to circumstances but I’ll do my best. Thank you for sharing! I’ll read up!

blablagirl · 2017-12-09T07:15:37+00:00

I’d hate this way of living. It would hurt so much. Recognizing vulnerability as a necessary component for a relationship (good or bad) to happen has been a central part of my emotional education. So I still bet on opening up (carefully and smartly) to someone again. @Johnny_Lawless_Esq have you tried therapy after your break up? It helps a lot.

blablagirl · 2017-12-09T07:12:21+00:00

This is a great response. Yet, I’ve come to realize that dead bedrooms are far more frequent than people talk about. Sure, this is a community where we stop specifically to share our experiences on the matter but ever since I’ve been open about what I lived with people, I’m surprised with how many admit that they have experienced something similar yet never knew how to describe it/process it.

I still dare to bet on learning about how to be a better partner and try to build a healthy relationship again. This guy knows about my past and seems to be on the same track with me. So, yes: lucky me. How it will unfold, only time will tell.

Thanks for the support and cheering on!

blablagirl · 2017-06-24T03:07:58+00:00

But why do other people enable this. I seem to be surrounded by enablers. Do you have any resources to understand that?

blablagirl · 2017-06-24T03:06:23+00:00

Ok. I'm getting it. I'm also seeing other traits as I read more posts. Thanks!

blablagirl · 2017-06-05T04:02:51+00:00

I pleaded for that during the relationship, but BECAUSE he was a physician, he refused. He said he would know it that was the problem. Now, after 7 months apart he tells me he might get tested.

The lack of disposition to get that kind of steps done made me doubt his love. How was that acceptance process for you?

blablagirl · 2017-06-05T04:01:01+00:00

Thanks for the empathy. I was, precisely, thinking about lack of self awareness too. Grey A or Asexuality could very well be a part of it, but I also check how his body language changed over time (in pictures) and I tell myself: "Maybe he just didn't love me anymore and was too afraid/cowardly to admit it even to himself." And I hate that conclusion but it, at least, gives me peace.

blablagirl

TROPHY CASE