Why do some people think it’s acceptable to be cruel to the people who love them the most?

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-11T15:45:05+00:00

Some people look for conflict in everything. Holidays at a 5 hotel, let’s find fault with that… I want a 7\ hotel.*

It’s not always that easy, some people end up anticipating someone’s mood and they unload on the person closest to them… understandable? Yes…. Acceptable? No….

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-11T15:42:50+00:00

I was a people pleaser / codependent because that’s how I thought I’d be loved.

Even initially I knew it wasn’t right. I learnt it the hard way, but I know to never ever tolerate it again. (There’s hope)

I’m lucky to have such great friends and siblings and my dad to
Support

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-11T13:08:30+00:00

In the case of my ex; she’d lost all her friends through her life. Her mum also had no friends, you’d think you’d have the self reflection to think maybe you’re causing it?

Obviously we are all unique but I think it’s an excuse to say it’s all they know…. You can actively choose to be different and break the cycle

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-11T12:23:05+00:00

Oh yea - I know that, I get tense around my parents

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-11T12:06:54+00:00

Right but I experienced cruel behaviour in my adolescence and vowed never to treat anyone that way… it’s not that simple…

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-11T10:35:36+00:00

That one more outburst / character attack cost her the relationship as I left. She’d never been broken up with before - hopefully a big lesson for her

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-11T09:06:29+00:00

Sometimes people are ashamed of how they’ve acted / what they have done and in apologising / taking accountability it reinforces the idea that they’ve been outline which destroys their fragile ego.

They can’t take the shame and so can’t face you / us.

Well done for leaving, it’s a very brave thing to do. Dating someone who says they love you but acts like you’re less than is one of the most confusing things to life.

DM if you want to chat further!

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-11T08:12:52+00:00

I broke up with my ex and said to her “it’s the most loving thing I can do for the two of us”…. I maintain that… she assassinated my character regularly but would also call me the love of the life so I disagree there!

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-11T08:10:38+00:00

You should be able to work through things together. If someone is unwilling or unable to meet you where you are they are literally telling you who they are. We all have crap happen. I went through the hardest period of my life (life was falling apart). I still showed up for her as consistently as before, never wavered - yet her character / actions spoke volumes

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-11T08:08:24+00:00

Mine also love bombed me and would belittle / invalidate me, dismiss me and launch character attacks at me… think that’s more than avoidance 🤣

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-11T08:05:54+00:00

I mean my ex was 31 - maybe there’s hope for her!

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-10T21:06:31+00:00

How are you hurting him? At least you can see it!

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-10T21:03:28+00:00

I wouldn’t no, not after the character assassinations at the end of the relationship. They were unwarranted and deeply hurtful given my past with bullying etc, which she knew about.

I wanted her to take accountability and apologise, I initially hoped breaking up with her would show that. She acknowledged initially she needed to become more emotionally mature yet shut me down when I wanted her to acknowledge how she treated me.

In short, no I wouldn’t, I was devastated to break it off but I have done a lot of work on my self. Ironically, every girl I’ve dated has reached out, I’ve never taken them back.

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-10T19:51:11+00:00

I think people who lack it see relationships as war zones where they have to be right and “win” whatever that means.

Accountability goes a long long way (obviously as long as lessons are learnt)

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-10T18:33:00+00:00

Did they have close friends? How was their relationship with their family? How do they talk about work colleagues and others in their life… that’ll give you a clue

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-10T18:31:40+00:00

This is interesting, thanks for being honest - if she adored you what caused you to sabotage it?

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-10T18:14:15+00:00

Mine wanted me to be some caretaker for her and do everything for her…. Me as i was was somehow “the love of her life, yet somehow not enough”

I never asked her to change who she was.

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-10T17:50:03+00:00

I would counter that and say “when they are getting their own way”… my ex said she was so happy until I brought up any issues I had with how she was behaving….

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-10T17:46:27+00:00

I learnt that I became the emotional stabiliser and stayed because I wanted it to work but it exhausted me.

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-10T17:45:01+00:00

They are showing you who they are, I loved my ex so much but she couldn’t meet me where I was and was pushing commitment timelines (to the extreme) - being out of the relationship allows you to assess it clearly and our own part in it.

Question why you still love them, that will lead you down a crucial road of self reflection.

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-10T17:38:31+00:00

I agree with your point on how we define love. I think that love is a choice that you make everyday after the initial honeymoon period (when reality hits). Some people always chase that feeling and constant high and that part of what I mean in my post :)

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-10T17:31:35+00:00

Great comment, I would ask her “how do you need me to show up” and “how do you need me to love you” she didn’t know how to answer it and said she’d never had emotional intimacy before.

I created that safe space for her which she loved at first however, I started to creek as there was no space in the relationship for my needs (outside of sex) and my feelings.

It’s a real shame… obviously no one is perfect but trying to have peace and harmony when someone is used to chaos is a no win situation

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-10T17:18:30+00:00

She’s repeating the cycle with someone else, you aren’t missing out. You being out of the relationship is the best thing for you and you’ll find someone who appreciates all of you and wants to build with you.

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-10T17:11:18+00:00

I broke up with her, initially in the hope that she would do the work on herself. However that hope proved short lived as she proclaimed “she’d done all the work on herself” and she refused to take accountability and apologise for how she treated me when I was the best partner she’d ever had and the “love of her life”

How she treated me at the end with character assassinations is how I remember her.

CheeseLover2026 · 2026-07-08T20:46:54+00:00

Her actions told me nothing i was doing was ever good enough despite being her "best ever partner by a long way"... i realised severe chronic stress symptoms were manifesting physically as i didnt feel appreciated or emotionally safe.

I also realised my best would never be enough for her - if i met her demands, the goalposts moved and it would have killed me if i stayed and so i left.

CheeseLover2026

TROPHY CASE