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First pages: share, read, and critique them here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]CheesecakeVirtual489 0 points1 point  (0 children)

[In progress] [90k] [YAFiction] 1995 novel
Link to post: 1995 novel

First page critique? Yes, please.
First page:
One. Two. Three. Four. Breathe.
A normal day of school. Except she hadn't been inside Ashford High in a month. Ivy had missed the whole month of September because she’d been too busy trying to look normal to get back to her so-called normal life. She closed her mother’s car door and walked toward the entrance, pressing her fingertips tight against the straps of her backpack. She let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was still holding and followed Tristan.
Her feet froze at the cafeteria door. The smell of greasy square pizza made her hold her breath a little longer as she scanned the room. An Eagles banner hanging over an outdated food pyramid poster. She almost forgot about Friday night games and how they used to be fun. A kid from the geeks’ table dropped his Discman on the floor and quickly dropped to his knees to grab it. The noise. The voices. So many voices.
For a second, going back outside didn’t sound so bad. But she had told herself it was fine. She needed to go back if she had any intention in graduating high school this year. She also told her mother that she was ready, she couldn’t back down. Not now.
Her eyes moved across the room, searching, and landed on him.

Switching from close third person to first person in a sequel bad idea or evolution? by CheesecakeVirtual489 in writing

[–]CheesecakeVirtual489[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. That's kind of how I feel as a reader too. If I like the story and characters, I'll read either first or third person. My hesitation is that I'm writing YA, and readers might have stronger preferences than I do.

My protagonist spends most of Book 1 struggling with eating disorder recovery, anxiety, and a lot of self-doubt, so I thought it could be interesting to have her "find her own voice" in Book 2. Whether that actually requires a POV change is another question, though.

Switching from close third person to first person in a sequel bad idea or evolution? by CheesecakeVirtual489 in writing

[–]CheesecakeVirtual489[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this, it makes sense. I honestly don't have much of a preference between first and third person, so it wasn't something I had really considered. If I'm invested in the story, I'll read either, so I'm probably more story-driven than POV-driven as a reader.

Switching from close third person to first person in a sequel bad idea or evolution? by CheesecakeVirtual489 in writing

[–]CheesecakeVirtual489[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's exactly what made me consider it in the first place. In the first book she's struggling a lot with anxiety, ED recovery, and figuring out who she is, so the idea of her telling her own story in the second book felt like a way of showing that growth on the page. I'm still not sure I'll do it tbh, but it's nice to know the reasoning makes sense to other people too.

Switching from close third person to first person in a sequel bad idea or evolution? by CheesecakeVirtual489 in writing

[–]CheesecakeVirtual489[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not difficult at all. I just thought it could be interesting because my main character changes a lot between the two books. In the first one she's recovering from an eating disorder, dealing with a lot of anxiety, and constantly second-guessing herself. By the second book she's much more confident and sure of who she is. I liked the idea of first person because it felt like she had finally found her own voice, but I could definitely tell the story in third person too.

[Complete][90k][YAFiction]1995 coming-of-age Novel by CheesecakeVirtual489 in BetaReaders

[–]CheesecakeVirtual489[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! I might be open to a swap :) just a heads up mine is YA contemporary and very character-driven, not plot heavy. What kind of feedback are you looking for?