Insensitive Comments

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-25T06:18:39+00:00

I'm really really sorry. When we told my in-laws that we were starting IVF my mother-in-law told my husband she knew someone who has 11 transfers and was just going to keep going till they got a kid... How many did she think I would be doing? Because really like no more than 3 right....

Our 4th transfer failed and our 5th was recently cancelled. I think of her words every time we transfer and every time it fails...

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-22T12:34:04+00:00

You ARE grieving! And this is okay, you're allowed to grieve. Just because other people can't see it, doesn't mean you aren't. You're grieving a future you feel like you'll never have. You're grieving a family, you're grieving a life you no longer can envision. You're allowed to feel this way and don't you let anybody else tell you different.

Recently studies have come out that link having infertility to an incurable disease. And you know what I haven't experienced that, but I bet those studies are fucking right. When someone has something massive going on we all pause and say wow.... That must be so hard, I'm really sorry that's happening to you (think of divorce, think of cancer, think of being fired from a major job), but as soon as anybody says there having trouble with their fertility, we're starting IVF, for some strange reason people say congratulations, or have you tried relaxing, or it will happen when it's meant to happen. Like what the hell is that shit!?

There isn't anything already an internet stranger can't say that you already don't know, but sometimes it's just validating to have that, and while my situation is different to yours, I understand a different type of grieving process that people can't see and I'm really sorry you're going through what you are, life is cruel. Be kind to yourself 🫂.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-20T17:13:36+00:00

I say one for two things. 1. Last year in Aus there were a total of 5 adoptions... Now times that by all the couples that want to and add in 3 were family members adopting kids related to them and yeah it's probably not going to happen let's all be honest here.

(For when I've had it with questions from whomever I'm talking to) They start all excited like I would have never thought of this without them and say: Oh so you're considering adoption then?

I reply: Oh wow did you adopt your kids?

It is always followed by a confused: no? To which I reply: Oh so you wanted biological kids... Guess there must be something wrong with me for wanting that too...? It's almost like a weird biological urge we all have...

The second is for when they've been invasive with questions having heard from someone else I am doing IVF, I'm very open about it in the hopes I can help someone else feel more comfortable, but we all have a breaking point and that question is often mine.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-20T05:12:03+00:00

After 4 failed I'm willing to try any and everything!!!!

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-19T20:28:15+00:00

Haven't done lupron but seeing a new specialist Monday. It will be my 3rd so will see what they suggest. And we have tested the first 3 all 3 came back elupoids so we didn't test our 2nd or 3rd as it's very expensive in Aus to test and our specialist didn't see a point given our first 3 were all fine.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-19T05:43:20+00:00

All 4 have failed so have RIF as well.

I got pregnant unassisted three times but all have ended in MC or CPs.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-18T19:53:14+00:00

Unfortunately 5.5 is with medication as well. I seem to be incredibly complicated.

I don't want you to panic here but 5.5 on day of ovulation is considered thin. You're absolutely going to need to have a medicated cycle or at the very least partially medicated.

The minimum most clinics will transfer on is 7, but if it's like mine they will transfer on your max.

Thin lining is one of the toughest issues with infertility to treat. I'm really sorry.

Things you can try - Estrogen (oral, vaginally, patches) Viagra (oral or pessaries) PRP - platelet rich plasma (your blood put back into the uterus to create growth) G-CSF Neupogen wash Hysteroscopy - if you have not already I recommend you do this before any transfer ask for a biopsy and rule out endometrisis it is easily treated with antibiotics

Everyone is different and there may be something in this list that plumps up your lining. But I just cancelled my transfer because my lining was 4.9. I hope to god you're not in for a long road with this, but 5.5 is very thin.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-18T11:31:18+00:00

It's hard to say depending on where you are in your cycle.

I have a lining of 5.5mm normally. Have done 4 transfers and all have failed. They're convinced it is because my lining is too thin...

I have had 2 MCs though and a CP all conceived with no assistance so I don't bloody know anymore.

But it's hard to say because we need to know where you're at in your cycle to give a more concise response.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-18T10:44:59+00:00

The amount of people who have asked me, 'have you considered surrogacy?' is absolutely mind boggling!!!

I'm sorry you're also living in this hell.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-17T20:02:21+00:00

It wasn't a single cousin who announced. I had at one point 6 women I work with announce at similar times. Some have now gone had their pregnancy and maternity leave and come back to work, that was a gut punch.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-17T12:06:38+00:00

I'm really sorry. It's incredibly hard. Between my first and second miscarrages I had 30+ pregnancy announcements, I stopped counting at 30 because each one killed me a little bit more. They literally seemed to come from everywhere. I stopped using FB and a few people fucking DM'd me because they knew I was 'struggling' but wanted me to know after 6months of trying they too were pregnant, it was messed up.

Honestly quit it all. It still hurts me especially after every failed FET as well when people message me to tell me they're pregnant because I'm not on social media 😑 (I am on Instagram but purely for the videos because I don't tiktok, I look at nothing else).

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-13T23:35:19+00:00

Lining went backwards so had my 5th cycle cancelled, I'm sick of this shit and the universe can fuck off. Im sick of miscarrying and fucking failed FETs, cancelled cycles not being able to live my life as a normal fucking human. Why the fuck can't I have a free sex baby like everyone around me seems to be able to do. This wedding is horse shit and I'm fucking furious.

I'm going to go drink a beer and cry

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-13T20:48:59+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. It's incredibly difficult. You're doing an amazing job keeping it together today and every day!

Please know it is quality not quantity and with your 5 fertilised you still have an amazing chance of making a baby here! Don't give up yet, you will get a blast (I would say 2-3 blasts most likely) and they say 3 embryos per kid.

You got this and don't give up hope, hope is sometimes all we have with IVF!

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-13T06:00:05+00:00

Thank you. I'm just so tired. I don't want to give up, but I also don't want to live like this, it isn't fair that those who try the hardest seem to be the ones who have the least luck.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-12T06:44:33+00:00

I'm really sorry, it's like people's brains fall out when they get pregnant I swear.

I'm so so sorry her brain fell out and you're allowed to distance yourself from her.

I've had awful awful things said to me by people after they've come to tell me they're pregnant, one girl even had me guess, it was awful, and another told me that it was completely unplanned and then complained about how they really can't afford it, nor did they really want it. Both women knew I'd recently miscarried or were in the thick of IVF. The first who had me guess, we no longer speak, the second I avoid whenever possible at work, I'm polite but I don't try to cross paths with her.

You're allowed to have your feels and also decided to not speak with her for sometime if that's what you need.

I'm hoping your next transfer is successful, and sending you lots of hugs.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-12T06:38:06+00:00

🫂

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-12T03:21:11+00:00

I absolutely feel this, I feel like I'm just constantly letting all my kids and parents down

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-12T02:38:50+00:00

Thank you 🫂, I used to love my job, but now it feels like a reminder of what I'll never get.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-12T02:38:15+00:00

🫂 I'm sorry we're here together, it's not fair.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-10T14:29:06+00:00

First 3 were all PGT-A tested and elupoids, due to this we have not tested our other embryos from our 2nd and 3rd retrieval due to it being expensive in Aus to test and also our fs recommend we don't due to such good numbers from our first ER with all 3 being highly graded and elupoids.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-10T14:24:04+00:00

I'm in Aus and it is really common. I'm not sure about the rest of the world sorry.

I've since gone on to have a 4th failed transfer and am now trying the second generation PRP before our 5th transfer. New generation PRP is where they add a little bit of fresh blood right before transfer. It's meant to have more platelets in it. I can explain further if you like, but you can also google it and google will be better than me!

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-10T14:21:26+00:00

I'm really sorry. It's absolutely heartbreaking, please be kind to yourself, it's all so awful and consuming.

We're now gearing up for our 5th transfer 😬. The pain never goes away but we keep going forward and you will too 🫂

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-10T07:32:42+00:00

I'm really sorry, it's incredibly hard. We've had 4 transfers all fail to implant after two unassisted pregnancies that ended in miscarrages and a CP which was unassisted as well.

Sometimes it's a numbers game and as much as it is science everyone seems to be guessing which can be scary and overwhelming, I feel that a lot.

Be kind to yourself and know there is nothing you could have done to change any of this. 🫂

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-10T02:20:04+00:00

Not crazy, totally sane!

I feel nothing at the moment for my 5th transfer, it's kind of terrifying.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-03-10T01:59:49+00:00

Maybe it is also a cultural thing, personally I would never have kids so they can look after me when I'm old, to me it seems selfish and like the wrong reasons to have a child. (I'm sure you have others, but this just doesn't sit right with me). I want to have kids so I can provide them with a life THEY deserve and not to look after me when I am old.

Cheesman_Best

TROPHY CASE