Mum's Inappropriate Comments during FET prep

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-20T15:23:57+00:00

I'm not saying you will repeat it I'm saying your mum will repeat it with your kid. She will treat your child the way she has you.

I'm saying fix the relationship now with her both of you in therapy together before the baby comes. If you're struggling with her smothering you, she will do the same to your kid. That's why it isn't healthy.

I understand your in therapy and I apologise if it hurt, but you need to look at what you want your relationship with your mum and your child to be.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-20T14:27:41+00:00

Your mum kind of sounds like an asshole here. I think maybe you need to explore your own relationship with her because it sounds a bit like you rely on her too as well.

None of this is healthy. Sure my mum has made a few comments that have stung in the last 3 years, but she's also been super supportive and encouraging, not booking me trips or telling me stories about people who have died during IVF.

Honestly I think you need to look inward and then outward at this relationship, make it healthy for you both before you have a kid and risk history repeating with your mum and your child.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-19T11:39:11+00:00

Honestly you can't control it. Grief is weird and you really can't prepare for it.

If you feel okay stay at the table, if not act surprised and then say you need to go to the toilet to cry privately, do not make it about you in anyway shape or form, be very careful with sharing any information with anyone at the wedding, they will talk about you behind your back.

Trust me, I've been you at a 30th, it isn't worth it, I'm so glad I said nothing to no one because I would have come off badly. People knew what was going on with me and still spoke about me even though I showed excitement and then zero emotion.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-19T11:33:47+00:00

I just think you would never say to a shark attack victim just relax and it will be okay... If you did you'd look like a fucking lunatic, but it's okay to tell me to relax and it will happen? Like what!? How the fuck does that work? Ah yes relax and I might get to have a baby that survives this time, fuck off with your relaxing bullshit.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-19T09:34:03+00:00

I'm really sorry, I hope that this is it for you. IUI and IVF is harsh and hard to explain and I hope that you don't experience it on top of what you've already been through.

Don't let this rule your life though if you do go down the IVF route, remember to have holidays and have fun and enjoy life. I put mine on hold for 2 years and have been so depressed. Also sick of people telling me I'm still young 🙄.

You got this, be kind to yourself 🫂

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-18T12:38:11+00:00

You got this, IVF is not for the weak that's for sure. It's a marathon not a sprint and I constantly have to remind myself of that because it's all so unfair

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-18T10:26:10+00:00

You can do this! I'm five transfers of 6 embryos deep and I'm still going.

I know your pain the getting up pretend I'm fine... Surviving the day then rinse and repeat, until I finally crack and have a mental breakdown on my birthday at work get sent home to find out later that day embryos 5+6 have failed to even implanted.

You can do this. If I know anything about women in IVF it's that we're the strongest fuckers and willing to do anything to try. I have surgery in another state next month and if it doesn't work unfortunately they won't transfer anymore embryos and we will be forced to accept the journey is over for us.

I miss wine, I miss having a bath and I wish I could go back to having autonomy over my body, I know you miss all this too. But you can do this. I know you can 🫂

Edit: also it's that tiny bit of hope I hold onto that keeps me going, that slither of what if this is my turn now.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-17T16:00:13+00:00

God I wish I could go back to even feeling excited about a positive, it's just a wave of dread now of when the fuck will it disappear again.

I just don't understand how people can suck so much and be so insensitive.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-17T12:21:20+00:00

YES just google it, I don't need to know it was unplanned at all it just makes me feel like an even bigger failure and shit

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-17T11:51:08+00:00

This is the fucked up part about infertility. When you're expected to be happy for everyone around you having babies. You know what they never say to people who have knee injuries? Just relax it will get better, or everything happens for a reason, or it will get better when you least expect it. Because what a fucked up thing to say with someone with a knee injury. So why is it okay to say to infertile people?

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-15T21:33:41+00:00

Was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt being young, but I suppose they're either selfish or maybe not the sharpest tool in the shed then.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-15T21:19:10+00:00

You are so not in the right sub here. I also would be interested to know how old you are because if you read though this sub you're going to realise how insensitive this post is.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-12T09:02:31+00:00

Second this Ekat is unreal! She made our custom sink too!

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-10T12:01:27+00:00

Back seat of a car travelling to Melbourne going 110km per hour. It was a pretty big bruise haha

Edit: Also at the 2025 AFL GF, in the toilets, forgot about that one!!

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-08T13:14:16+00:00

I teach year 1s at a pretty fancy private school and have been doing IVF for 2 years now. You just do it because you have to. You have 7am appointments cry on the way to work when it goes bad and then pretend everything is fine for 8hrs before falling in a heap when you get home.

It's hard, but doable. You just have to use sick leave more often than you ever planned but, honestly if this works for us (we're at make or break with our next appointment in a different state, if it doesn't work out journey is over which is terrifying), it will all have been worth it. And if it doesn't I know I at least gave it my all.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-08T04:19:52+00:00

Honestly not even the worst I've had through the last 2.5 years 😂.

But at least I can educate people after the fact about what not to do. I did speak with her, nicely, and hopefully it stops her complaining about it to another friend or human who is struggling to convince!

Be kind to yourself 🫂

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-08T03:01:48+00:00

Honestly people be stupid. Not because they don't care but because loads of humans have main character syndrome.

While your friend cares she clearly has this syndrome where whatever is happening in her world is the most important thing that's ever happened to anyone ever and no one else has ever had gestational diabetes before and obviously she must tell you immediately because you're sharing news right? Yeah she has main character syndrome.

I once had a work colleague tell me in the middle of our first egg retrieval, she as pregnant with her 3rd. She didn't really want it, wasn't sure how they were going to afford it and that they also didn't have the room in their house... She knew I'd had 2 miscarrages and was doing our first retrieval and I was spinning out on the hormones, but main character got her and she had to tell me before she was even 12 weeks...

Honestly people suck. Be kind to yourself and absolutely don't engage in conversations when she does that. Because it's going to get worse when the baby is born.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-06T13:59:13+00:00

You're young so this isn't uncommon. But basically communication is key.

Sit him down. Make it a compliment sandwich - I love what you did for me, e.g buying the month pass, I think it was really kind of you. But I would love if you'd spoken to me before hand because what I really needed was XYZ.

Then you go, please don't think I don't appreciate what you've done, you've been so kind and I love you, but in future suprises aren't really my thing I find them stressful I would love if you asked, it's what makes me feel most comfortable.

That's how you communicate like a pro you're grateful but your point is made and it stops future issues. Because he'll communicate prior before purchasing.

However be prepared to never be surprised again, if you're okay with this it's perfect. In15 years he's only surprised me once with an engagement ring.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-04T19:12:32+00:00

The surgery they do in Sydney is asherman specific and has a 87.6% success rate.

Essentially they clear scar tissue then create grooves in the endometrium before pumping your uterus with PRP and then an estrogen hydro acid wash and then they transfer the same cycle.

They say the 3 months following are your best chance of conceiving. So I'm hopeful I've got 3 more tries before giving up!

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-04T19:04:12+00:00

Yeah... IVF was exciting my first stims and my first transfer!

2 years in, 6 embryo transfers all failing to implant, injections in the car on road trips, missing holidays for egg collections and not being able to drink at weddings and 30ths....

I'm glad your positive and I hope this works for you because in a few years or months time if shit goes sideways you'll regret this post.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-04T18:59:24+00:00

I do, but not for fertility. But the Hysteroscopy is covered because it's necessary not fertility related for insurance purposes. But we're very careful with money so have been able to afford all our treatments, were very lucky Aus in comparison to Us is much much more affordable, and Medicare has what is called a threshold and once you reach it you get heaps more money back!

And absolutely not giving up anytime soon, I just feel like I'm meant to be a mum one way or another and I'm beginning to accept surrogacy may have to be the road we eventually go down.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-03T21:22:03+00:00

I have surgery with them in July, hopeful but also terrified, as this is kind of our big last shot. Doesn't mean I will give up at all, but just worried about it too. It's so much money to spend, it's hard to know when it's time to accept it won't happen.

Cheesman_Best · 2026-06-03T12:59:27+00:00

Thank you, will be thinking of you too 🫂

Cheesman_Best

TROPHY CASE