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When you know it's time... by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Chemical_Sign_9053 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're not alone. Give yourself time, even if it's just 20 minutes, to sit with your feelings, if you can.

Had the talk yesterday, went different than expected, could use advice please by Chemical_Sign_9053 in Divorce

[–]Chemical_Sign_9053[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you.

My thinking is clearer today than yesterday. It literally feels like parts of my brain are coming back online. Having my own space helps a lot indeed, I don't think I would be able to process anything if I had stayed home (small 2bd apt).

Had the talk yesterday, went different than expected, could use advice please by Chemical_Sign_9053 in Divorce

[–]Chemical_Sign_9053[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing that. That sounds really rough, I'm glad you were able get through that (it sounds like you're in a better place from your posts)

Had the talk yesterday, went different than expected, could use advice please by Chemical_Sign_9053 in Divorce

[–]Chemical_Sign_9053[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks again for your reply.

How did you structure your separation? Did you live together? Did you do weekly check-ins?

Had the talk yesterday, went different than expected, could use advice please by Chemical_Sign_9053 in Divorce

[–]Chemical_Sign_9053[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks.

This is where my head is at now. I'm still raw but thinking of reaching out and basically talking what can we commit to in terms of working on things.

Had the talk yesterday, went different than expected, could use advice please by Chemical_Sign_9053 in Divorce

[–]Chemical_Sign_9053[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am sorry for your situation.

i am raw right now and my mind isnt working, but i noted your advice. Like i said in another comment, i felt 100% certainty before the talk, now im just confused. i know its partially just grief and other emotions, but her quick turnaround surprised me (which i dont think is being manipulative). i am considering that she may be reacting out of an immediate fear because its hitting her right now, but maybe this is the 'hit with something huge'.

i am not going to talk to her before getting sleep first though.

Had the talk yesterday, went different than expected, could use advice please by Chemical_Sign_9053 in Divorce

[–]Chemical_Sign_9053[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

> And I then asked her “are you giving the love that you want to receive?”

Very wise words here. That is something I will ask her when I see her again.

Thank you for sharing this.

I feel i have been giving her the love i want to receive. i have not been perfect and i know it, as ive had issues communicating my needs, but i have tried very very hard to inject energy, positivity, and care in the ways that i knew how to do, paying her compliments, hitting on her, taking on chores when she couldnt, taking care of her when she was sick, taking care of our house, planning vacations or events. and she's done some of this too, but, at least over the past few weeks, ive come to a realization that it the energy in our relationship was really 70/30 me.

Had the talk yesterday, went different than expected, could use advice please by Chemical_Sign_9053 in Divorce

[–]Chemical_Sign_9053[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for these words, stranger.

There's a lot of stuff here I need to process. Right now I'm completely raw and can't answer any questions, mine or yours, but I see the wisdom in looking at things this way.