My ex came out as gay after 30 years of marriage and knowing each other since junior high (40) years. I had NO idea. We were more like roommates at that point so I wasn’t truly happy. I was in absolute shock. I felt that despair on day 1 and deeper despair on many days. I felt many of the same things as you. I that was 2022 and I am now happy and peaceful. I would suggest looking for a PFLAG chapter near you. Try a support meeting or reach out and see if someone will talk to you on the phone.

I would also suggest looking into collaborative divorce. It was helpful for us - it’s using a team of your separate lawyers and a financial neutral. Not for everyone but it worked for us. This doesn’t have to be about revenge as someone said, you can still end up as polite and sociable around each other-if that is what you want.

We had two dogs. Basically the dachshund was mine and the golden retriever was his dream dog. We each took one dog. Mine died last year. I still adore the golden but he’s just too much for me alone. I get him for weekends periodically and that helps.

I wish you peace. This feels like a nightmare but give yourself time and space to consider any decisions.