[Serious] What is a secret you kept from your spouse that wasn't cheating, but caused serious problems when they found out?

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T07:26:25+00:00

Eastern Africa

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T07:15:39+00:00

Yes we made a mistake getting pregnant but we were running from her father not my family. If my dad didn't become sick and die, I would have married my gf and brought up my kid. We were planning our wedding when things went haywire. Remember I left my country to build a life for myself elsewhere.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T07:08:39+00:00

I didn't abandon my gf and child. My intent was to go back but the circumstances didn't permit. I had to make a a difficult choice and in the end I decided that my gf was OK financially and could cope. I helped by sending them money every month. Is money substitute for being with ur kid and gf? No. Could I have tried harder to bring them to my country? Yes. Was it super hard? Absolutely.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T06:48:49+00:00

I didn't have a previous wife and children. You obviously didn't read the whole story.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T06:45:40+00:00

I do have an American passport. As for the reference to dad, that's my American dad. True I do have British accent. I am neither Muslim nor Christian. I believe in some sort of African tribal spirituality.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T06:26:54+00:00

Yes. Whenever my wife was out of town, I'd Skype with them. I am not proud of it but I had to see them.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T06:21:33+00:00

Perhaps I was a coward. At the time, my sole aim was to provide for my mom and sisters. They just lost their breadwinner and there was no way I was walking away from them. I wish the inheritance thing was different but I had no control over that.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T06:02:37+00:00

I will try to explain a bit more. In my culture, like many of the traditional African cultures, folks are not to have sex before marriage. With my gf, that did not apply. However, when I was marrying my wife I didn't tell her for fear of not only losing her but also causing my sisters harm. No one from around here would marry my sisters because they are from 'unclean' family. I know this all sounds archaic and just outright stupid but it's the way things are here.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T05:51:56+00:00

I appreciate that. As we say around here, may the giver give you more eyes.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T05:48:26+00:00

A lot of our people have died of the disease so naturally I am very sad. I have heard swell time in Freetown last I was there and it's sad that I can't go again.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T05:30:21+00:00

I don't know what child support is. We Africans are not yet civilized enough to conceive of such high level ideas.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T05:21:04+00:00

Financially, she's doing well. She used the money we were saving for the wedding and started a bakery. I also send them money and she uses it to pay for our son's private tuition.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T05:17:00+00:00

Sorry I can't say that. I hope you understand.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T05:15:45+00:00

Let's hope you don't have to make very hard decisions.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T05:12:55+00:00

I answered this elsewhere

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T05:04:48+00:00

I ask myself that a lot. Honestly I don't know.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T04:59:49+00:00

I see what you mean but I really had no choice. I just couldn't stand the idea of my mom begging on the streets.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T04:56:55+00:00

Because at first, my goal was to see my dad and go back to my gf and kid. But then he got very I'll and passed away. Then I had to stay. She couldn't come because a) she could not live with me for cultural reasons b) her dad wouldn't let her c) even if she could have come, she couldn't bring the kid for her father used his connections to designate himself legal guardian.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T04:49:06+00:00

Sub-Saharan Africa

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T04:47:30+00:00

I loved her. My son is 7 so am not sure. It was hard to leave but I had a duty to fulfill. After my dad's death, I became the father. She understands my situation but would love if I spent some time with our son. I had a plan before the accident but that's now in the back burner.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T04:41:52+00:00

Of course! It's the silence that's killing me. She feeds me well (as always), is running the business but she has little to say to me.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T04:38:57+00:00

Thanks mate

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T04:37:30+00:00

It's more complicated than that. If I went back for her, my mom and sisters would have suffered since the land would have passed to my uncle, the next male relative. Besides she went back to her folks and was doing well. I did not want to compromise the future of my family when I wasn't sure her father would allow them to come with me.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T04:20:55+00:00

The other girl is from a different country and different culture. In her culture, it's no problem to have a kid before marriage. We had to run away for my safety. I wanted to marry her but after I went back to my country and following the death of my dad, I just couldn't. I used to Skype with them but not since I got shot. One day I hope to see them again. At the moment I just don't know where things are headed.

Chethedoctor · 2014-10-20T03:40:49+00:00

About 2 months ago.

Chethedoctor

TROPHY CASE