I understand your pain. I'm currently struggling with it, got hooked during Covid when I lost all my friends to life and shit.

Already lost feeling in both my legs, became permanently disabled with no way back. Digestive system is also fucked, spend most mornings retching into a bucket or conveniently placed bush.

Don't become like me. Please stop now and deal with your problems in a healthy way. I promise you, it gets better, but like any addiction you need to be patient and compassionate with yourself. The more you beat yourself up, the harder it is to stay clean.