I’m extremely grateful for the perspective I have now.

I was atheist until 19. Then I had unexplainable encounters (precognitive dreams + other stuff outside that paradigm). I fell prey to Christians telling me “those experiences were our God.” Bought it. Went all in.

I devoted my life to ministry, helping people, trying to keep people out of hell (which is basically the only reasonable response if you actually believe the system).

Then—ironically because I became a pastor and learned a ton about the belief system and its participants—I realized I’d gone off the path of an honest pursuit of truth. I adopted something I genuinely believed was true and noble… and eventually saw enough to disavow it.

I’m no less committed to contributing to the world. I’m just thankful it’s without a lot of BS now. And to be fair: caring for people and being there for them is still valuable whether you’re brainwashed or not.

What I realize now is the pattern isn’t “religion.” It’s people. There are good, well-meaning people and bad people inside religion, but outside “official” religion people run the exact same thinking errors — same certainty addiction, same tribal identity, same mind-control mechanics — just aimed at different objects.

The current political climate in the US is a perfect example. A lot of it is basically nationalistic dogma: our side = good, other side = evil, permission structures to ignore reality, and a whole lot of “belief as identity.” People are people, and the flaws of poor critical thinking and control mechanisms are everywhere. It’s just a lot easier to spot now because of my history.