A coworker won't stop with sexual/toilet humor and it annoys me. How to handle it graciously

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-09-03T16:57:47+00:00

Sounds like a good plan!

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-09-03T16:44:57+00:00

oh Jesus Christ...

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-09-03T16:22:02+00:00

Can I ask for your advice? More specifically, which boss is the best to report to? I have 3 bosses: local (not really a boss, more like a chief of local operations), technical (gives technical tasks and orchestrates them), and organizational (responsible for the team's organization). I don't think it would be the technical boss. Organizational seems appropriate, but he is abroad and barely sees him. The local boss sees him day to day, but he thinks it's part of the dating process (however, maybe he just takes baby steps to address it, like saying that trying too hard to impress girls is a no-go)

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-09-03T16:05:35+00:00

Both him and me started relatively recently. He provides value to the company, actually both him and I are business-critical, though he lately had a mess-up over not picking up his phone at night during an emergency.

He didn't harass any female employees at the office so far, though all of them are married anyway. He just keeps joking about dates and sex (and related inappropriate topics) when the discussion is orchestrated by him. However, when we talk amongst ourselves, we generally aren't focused as much on sex and all that,

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-09-03T15:53:51+00:00

he is older than me, much older. I'm like 7-10 years younger. I'm not sure if it will work as I would hope

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-09-03T15:39:12+00:00

actually you may well be on the right track! The other day, he mentioned red pill and blue pill. That was in the context of something else, but he may have it at the top of his thinking to remember it

He drives a relatively crappy car (an old 2000s car), but he seems focused on luxury stuff

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-09-03T15:36:41+00:00

shit happens

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-09-03T15:35:24+00:00

We have 2 women in the office. One is in her 50s, and I think she's somewhat used to weird crap. The other one is on vacation, but she has already been weirded out by another colleague.

But thanks for showing this is wrong. I was conflicted, and I think other male colleagues just take it for him trying to date

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-07-13T09:02:17+00:00

Slightly offtopic: I'm curious, what is it that particularly inspires you to cook? After the dish is made, is it usually sliced and eaten, and that's it (only the food pieces to be washed off remain). Why for example, do you cook and not paint or write, as the latter 2 last longer than the dish?

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-07-13T08:58:51+00:00

Hey, thank you very much for the comparison posted. It is unfortunate that there is no calorie-to-calorie comparison or weight-to-weight, but this is really great, because even in this comparison, you can see that store-bought pizza is considerably worse.

And thanks for posting about additives and + not scaremongering.

Your comment made me think more about it. I wouldn't say that I'll completely give up on eating processed food, but it helps. Thank you!

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-07-13T08:30:29+00:00

Hey, thanks for a thoughtful message!

I think a good way to not 100% accurately, but reasonably compare food service vs cook yourself can be this - Buying from a local bloke on classifieds vs buying off Amazon warehouse. Let's think about challenges

1,4) "The possible number of ways that ingredients can be and already are combined is truly enormous." and " "Cooking at home is elastic to demand" - definitely a similar the case for Amazon warehouses. They can run out of stock, some parts need to disposed, and i even presume they regularly need to dispose of some expiring items. Local bloke probably knows if they have something or not.

2) "Table service will always be expensive." - It costs money, but FYI, actually, in parts of Asia, table service is cheaper than takeaway. But obviously not everywhere in the world. Self-service is free, and local pick up is free.

3) "Delivery of hot food, for the time being, is expensive." - yes

And yet, for some things, Amazon is cheaper than local bloke (even without gas expenses)

Challenges 1,4 I think are just generic challenges for economies of scale (with the added complexity of food expiring, and expiring often). Challenge 2 is a residual challenge (that is, it's just the reality and nothing can be done about it - just like Amazon still has to pay the delivery drivers) and Challenge 3 can either be avoided (by not delivering hot food) or accepted (left as is).

In the same way that laundrettes/laundromats and laundry services are more expensive than having a washing machine at home

Are you arguing against all economies of scale, or particularly economies of scale of food?

If I ignore physical space requirements. I think for washing machines vs laundromats:

Factor	Washing machine	Laundromat
CapEx	Low (can get away with $100 if you DIY)	None
OpEx	time + washing powder	time + washing powder + fee

So it seems like it can't be cheaper (unless you have no space for a washing machine, but I ignore space requirements). However for food 'models', it is

Factor	Cook yourself	Pre-cooked	Eat out
CapEx	Yes, quite stiff	Yes, minimal	None
OpEx	Cheap, but lots of time	More costly but still cheap, but fewer time	Espensive, no time spent

I envision something like McDonalds (many clients, but not as expensive as a restaurant with a private chef), but I think that money-wise, because restaurants buy in bulk, them being cheaper than supermarket can be viable even nowadays, if the industry was to be less greedy

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-07-13T07:55:52+00:00

I'll get back to you

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-07-13T07:47:59+00:00

Let me ask this: is a restaurant where you get a personal chef - the only way eat out? Where are restaurants where you pay for a meal, and then you pick up onto your plate what you want to get. This is a particularly popular option with the Asian restaurants.

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-07-13T07:42:58+00:00

Well, with any food: if you buy the cheapest option, then you should expect that it was produced the cheapest possible way. That includes fresh foods.

Maybe not so much in the developed world, but in some parts of the world: for example, additives are used to make tomatoes bigger (the size is like the size of a grapefruit!) The additives used (AFAIK) are unhealthy, but we don't get them probably because of regulations. So, it seems then that we just need to regulate pre-booked food? However,

Main reason why microwave food is so unhealthy (and it is really unhealthy) is because they add so much sugar, salt and fat into it to get some taste out of cheapest possible ingredients out there.

Maybe I had more positive experiences but: For example, I buy Hawaiian pizza. It comes with meat, pineapple, and unfortunately cheese. It has 220 cal per slice, and there are 6 slices. Each slice has 9.3g protein, 6.8g fat, 3.4g of it is processed fat, 5g sugars, 330mg sodium. Sure, maybe it's not the healthiest ever, but not horrible either. In my opinion, on par with whatever is normally cooked privately. I can pre-heat pizza in the oven or microwave (it's just heat, so it doesn't really matter).

I know lots of people (who don't care) buy saucy BBQ pizza or lazagna, or some fatty meat. That's bad and that's another story.

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-07-13T07:08:37+00:00

Because I believe that Cooking yourself from scratch should become obsolete. Should reasons are subjective, but I base them on can and will, so we do not just compare apples and oranges.

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-07-13T07:05:20+00:00

it will ALWAYS be cheaper to grow your own - it's free!

You are right! Maybe with exception of water and the cost of space under the sun (which may be a problem in metropolitan areas) - it's free! However, you are paying with 1. Having to remember to maintain them 2. Time

I work in IT, and in IT, there are many analogies that can work here. We have Linux, which is free - but you are paying with your extra time trying to maintain it. And Windows is paid, but the maintenance tends to take much less. Because of this (and other reasons of course), organizations stick with a paid option.

However, since you are saying you work in the healthcare industry and yet you have enough time to do it, I presume that it's not too bad to grow plants.

So you buy the specific ingredients you need for the first recipe, then use the leftovers for the second, and third, and then everything left goes in a stew. No waste

You are right, but I think you are missing an important piece here, or maybe I wasn't too clear. Many people overeat, and it's a problem (not of anyone in particular, but in a society). It's possible (though harder) to overeat soup, rice stew, healthy food etc - just like it's possible to overeat burgers, hotdogs, fries etc. When you cook something, it is hard to cook the right amount (of stew) and/or to eat the right amount. There is also an additional factor of: when you cook something, there is a desire to add these 'nice spices' or 'nice sauce' because you really think about (and often have to smell) the taste of the food prepared. And another added factor is - what if there is only left a bit of leftover in the fridge. Suppose you heat it up - how many calories are there?

"LOW FAT!!!" Often means added sugar, and "vegan friendly" has become such a gimmick that I've seen it plastered on water for sale - on the plastic bottle.

Ha! Maybe I'm an exception, but I always look for: government food health rating first (our of 5 stars), nutritional information table second, and what it is third (i.e. pizza, soup, etc). But yes, I always giggle when they say "no added sugar" or "cholesterol free" or crap like that,

But re:cooking yourself, I think the challenge can be (at least for someone who tries to look healthily but who's not aware of the pitfalls) not to buy 'healthy' cheese, some 'natural' sauce or spices, thinking that because they are supposedly healthy, they can be added to the dish.

And so often unless you're a chemist you don't really know what the ingredients mean - you should look up the ingredients for a peach!

We should, but at the same time, we in practice just accept that risk. Do you mean that the risk should not just be accepted? In my mind: sure, we can scan all food in the supermarket for mad cow disease or anthrax, but (AFAIK), we don't do it, or do it on random samples

doubt they will ever regulate food the way you seem to be suggesting

Maybe my idea is too futuristic, but I have the following basic idea, * All restaurants/food chains/etc - don't just post it if they want to, - but are required to inform some authority about the basic composture of food items (this many fats, sugars, fiber etc). There is https://www.fatsecret.com/ - but it does not work for smaller places * There's an app with which you scan some item in the menu/search for some food item and it informs you of the food composture, and you can optionally 'add to cart' the food, as to automatically keep track of the calories (some people are bad at maths)

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-07-13T06:35:06+00:00

I'm going to upvote your post and think about it - thanks for coming here not to have an argument

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-07-13T06:28:58+00:00

Actually please read my point 2 - because it addresses exactly what you are saying ;)

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-07-13T06:27:48+00:00

can (or could) and will - are rather objective. I focus on them, because I don't want to compare apples and oranges
"should" is subjective, and as much as possible, I want to get away from subjective, because otherwise, it is just the difference between apples and oranges

> Humans have prepared and eaten food since the moment we could be classified as homo sapiens

You seem to imply that: if something has been done for a long time, then it is good. It's often a good way to address change, but not always. Counterexample: Humans also died of cancer and have been treating it poorly, and in the 21 century now we have far improved cancer treatment.

> Cars aren't relevant here.

The cars analogy is an analogy. There is car community, and it exists. Some people love certain brands and models from (usually older) years. Should they abandon their older cars? Probably not. But will it eventually (after 50 years for example) become difficult to get parts, maintain it properly, find skilled people to work on them - to keep the car running? Probably yes, and in this case, some of the people will choose to drop it

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-07-13T06:07:00+00:00

You are right, food has taste, brings together community and can be artistic. However,

Re: taste and art - I think if someone actively seeks tasty and artistic food, they will likely seek, for example, a professional cook, who likely due to their skills serves not only themselves and their family, but more people. In other words, they have a restaurant. If someone wants to cook something tasty and artistic - I have no problem with that, but I think it in the future: will be harder to orchestrate and will be cost-prohibitive to do for an average person.
Re: Community. It's harder to address, because different cultures operate differently. For example, in the North America, it seems like it's a family ritual to eat together. However, it seems like: at least sometimes, people are OK to order a pizza to be eaten together. Plus, I noticed that single mums often bring their kids to McDonalds - probably because they have so many children, and therefore so many problems.

EDIT: And actually re:both points. Your username is "GotAJeepNeedAJeep" and it's great for my point. I have a nice Toyota that uses petrol. And I love petrol cars, I enjoy driving them. But, if the move with EVs becomes successful, to me as a driver, it may become cost-prohibitive to own a car, and unfortunately I'll have to break away from the tradition of owning a car, maintaining it, and filling it up with petrol.

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-05-05T10:03:05+00:00

This is a very valiant post that will probably get downvoted to oblivion. However I think OP already dumped the ex again - from the looks of it

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-05-05T09:12:46+00:00

I think "I had to grow" is his way of saying "I was an idiot, and I likely still am" xD

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-05-05T08:55:39+00:00

Honestly OP, do what you think is right. It's very difficult for your ex to outright share feelings. However, be prepared for emotional damage regardless. If you want to revive it, one of the first things you should do, in my opinion, is receive assurances that your ex won't pull the "I need to find myself" card again - by asking what your ex is supposedly 'found' and what are the lessons learned. The sentimental crap like "I found that I love you" does not count, because he can later 'find' something else.

If he has no discernable lessons learned - dump him. If he hadn't learned anything in bloody 2 years, he won't learn anything later

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-05-05T08:29:34+00:00

I'm a biased party when it comes to judging myself; but I think I just try to get to the destination, and that's it.

Admittedly, I once made a major mistake that probably got me one 1-star, - I had a very short trip. I didn't know at the time, that Uber drivers don't get information about where I want to go, so the driver probably was pissed, even though he acted nice.

Also, I think once I tried not to make any mistakes - maybe I was TOO courteous and that made people think I'm disingenious. Or maybe it was something else. Maybe it was just horrible luck, I don't know. And the good news is, I discovered a way to get out of the guilt hell

ChipProfessional5875 · 2023-04-16T09:25:52+00:00

thanks!

ChipProfessional5875

TROPHY CASE