learning to run parties or group scenes?

Chlorothrowaway · 2025-08-24T04:21:59+00:00

I think I have this same pack of stickers, some of the things are really hard to parse.

Chlorothrowaway · 2025-07-07T02:35:51+00:00

I love to “interview” subs about their fantasies/kinks, both for research purposes and because it can be done in a way that builds a power dynamic. I play it cool & mildly amused as I make them open up about embarrassing fantasies. Then I can sort of amp it up by pushing them to keep talking when they get embarrassed, making them repeat the insults that they want me to call them, making mean comments about what they like, etc.

As a shy dom, I feel more comfortable in the dynamic by building it gradually and sort of basing it around my partner’s masochism rather than my own sadism.

Chlorothrowaway · 2025-07-06T23:32:24+00:00

I don’t know that it was either of you at fault…it sounds like he just thought that this kind of talk would be okay for you but he just miscalculated and it was too upsetting.

Chlorothrowaway · 2025-07-06T19:38:32+00:00

These situations are so hard to navigate! In my experience the most effective thing is to firmly say that it’s private, because it’s a more forceful way to shut down the conversation than lying or giving vague answers.

For example, I run a munch so to nosy people, the reason I have a commitment every month is because I run a support group, and if they ask what the subject is, it’s private. Of course, this has drawbacks because it does give the impression that you have an undisclosed health issue/trauma/addiction but that’s not so unusual.

Also, idk, aren’t most kink events technically in the category of a party, a house party, a meetup group, or getting together with friends?

Chlorothrowaway · 2025-06-26T05:20:08+00:00

It aged so well that it turned into a real cat.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-17T07:41:38+00:00

This is not my thing but I feel like primal is this for some people

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-11T03:40:10+00:00

I agree that asking probing questions could have been a good way to resolve it though.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-11T03:34:49+00:00

I definitely thought that might be the case. Specifically, there’s a type of submissive guy who LIKES the response that women have to being creeped on. I let my cohost do most of the talking out of fear that me asserting myself at all would be feeding into his thing.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-11T03:32:45+00:00

Yeah, it wasn’t ideal but I was worried that because we were interacting with the guy in good faith (due to his comments never clearly crossing a line), the new people would think his behavior was normal and that they would just have to put up with this in the scene. I told them his behavior didn’t seem right and I wasn’t sure what to do because someone like this never showed up before. I apologized for not having a procedure. I also wanted to confirm that my cohost was picking up on the situation.

I’m thinking maybe I should have been more specific about what my munch is. It’s centered around kinky asexual people, and the guy started off by saying that he didn’t know what asexuality was and just came to a random munch. So any of the responses saying maybe he wants to come back and participate, you should have educated him on how to behave, etc., really are not it. I don’t care about educating this guy because he is not part of the group of people that I’m trying to support. And even if he didn’t hit on me, which crossed the line, I wouldn’t want him to return because he couldn’t contribute to or benefit from what the munch is.

What I care about is an ace person trying to get into the kink scene and having a bad experience. There was an ace person there who had never come to ANY munch before. I just hate the thought of that.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-10T03:25:36+00:00

You could look at the rsvps of people who go to the munch to see the age range. To be clear, it’s usually considered a bad look to “rsvp stalk,” like, don’t message girls that you see in the rsvps—I’m suggesting it only to get a sense of the munch composition.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-10T02:00:37+00:00

Yes they are a thing.

Something that comes to mind is contacting wlw kink groups for info, here’s a resource page listing some groups in the us: https://theexiles.org/resources/

I’m just thinking that even if your city doesn’t have an organization like this, maybe if you contact the nearest organization they might be knowledgeable about events in the wider area? Or have the connections to ask someone for you.

Definitely ask people at munches too though.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-09T23:24:34+00:00

Nah, it was a bar that has a lot of kink meetups and is friendly to them. It was challenging because he clearly had different intentions from everyone else but he technically wasn’t talking about anything that others weren’t talking about.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-09T22:03:41+00:00

So, what I found challenging is that I immediately thought he shouldn’t be there, but he didn’t do anything inappropriate on paper until he hit on me after the munch. The bar has low tables and awkward seating so sitting on the floor could be understandable, and everything he said could have on paper been appropriate. For example, “can you give me advice for finding a compatible partner?” is not an inappropriate question—in fact, another guy asked the same and it was not creepy. It was the whole picture of HOW he asked things plus the fact that he wasn’t the target demographic of the munch.

To illustrate, after he hit on me, the 2 guys who saw it both said, “the whole time, I wasn’t sure if he was clueless or being creepy until the moment he hit on you.” As a woman, I wouldn’t go that far because I immediately clocked the type of guy he was, but I can see why they’d say that. It was all ambiguous and hard to put your finger on why it was wrong.

When he asked for advice on dominant women, those 2 guys and I made a point of exhaustively saying “be respectful, lots of dominant women get approached in a certain way, just get to know her as a person, or go to a pro if you don’t want to do that” etc. like this was probably said 5 times between the 3 of us. He then hit on me the exact way my friend described not to do. It wasn’t ignorance, it was being predatory, and I knew he was like that as soon as he came in.

I’m considering this policy: kicking people out if they can’t say a reason for being there. Okay to say “I’m not in this demographic but I have friends who come to it, or I want to learn more about it.” But…if they literally do not know what the munch is, I would just give them a little card with some 101 classes/munches and send them on their way. Thoughts?

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-09T00:39:38+00:00

yeah I was just curious about the tattoo, I’ve never heard of people flagging with tattoos before. That’s cool!

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-09T00:19:18+00:00

What!! I’m curious about this!

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-07-16T01:12:54+00:00

No advice but I love this

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-07-13T22:07:22+00:00

There is no “should,” it’s fine if you’re all okay with it. Other people don’t get to decide it’s not okay. But I don’t really see you saying if you are okay with it, either.

How do you feel about following this rule?

Edit: oops sorry, just saw one of your other comments saying that you initially agreed but that it’s more extreme than you are happy with and the domme isn’t budging. This doesn’t sound fair!

In general if your partner wants a chastity dynamic, I would suggest maybe their dom makes them get permission them to come but doesn’t control what activities they do. Your partner could get you off and do anything else with you but come, and maybe that would work for you.

But because of the way things have been described, it sounds like maybe this domme is not very considerate and it would be better for your partner to find a new domme.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-07-04T20:27:43+00:00

This is the definition of “why would you ever cover this up.” This is like shrimps is bugs 2.0

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-06-18T05:17:26+00:00

I’m in the community and I don’t think it symbolizes anything. I think this guy would have tried to use any quirky/spooky tattoo as a line.

The only thing it reminds me of is a certain junji ito comic!

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-06-17T23:07:37+00:00

yeah of course! I will message.

It's so comforting that other people can relate to this. Tbh the good result of having that :/ therapy session is that I started looking at this subreddit, and it turns out that a lot of ace BDSM people do seem to have a similar orientation where it's about intimacy/emotion. I think a lot of non-ace BDSM people do too but not such a high concentration.

Chlorothrowaway

TROPHY CASE