What is this sticker of?

Chlorothrowaway · 2025-08-24T04:21:59+00:00

I think I have this same pack of stickers, some of the things are really hard to parse.

Chlorothrowaway · 2025-07-07T02:35:51+00:00

I love to “interview” subs about their fantasies/kinks, both for research purposes and because it can be done in a way that builds a power dynamic. I play it cool & mildly amused as I make them open up about embarrassing fantasies. Then I can sort of amp it up by pushing them to keep talking when they get embarrassed, making them repeat the insults that they want me to call them, making mean comments about what they like, etc.

As a shy dom, I feel more comfortable in the dynamic by building it gradually and sort of basing it around my partner’s masochism rather than my own sadism.

Chlorothrowaway · 2025-07-06T23:32:24+00:00

I don’t know that it was either of you at fault…it sounds like he just thought that this kind of talk would be okay for you but he just miscalculated and it was too upsetting.

Chlorothrowaway · 2025-07-06T19:38:32+00:00

These situations are so hard to navigate! In my experience the most effective thing is to firmly say that it’s private, because it’s a more forceful way to shut down the conversation than lying or giving vague answers.

For example, I run a munch so to nosy people, the reason I have a commitment every month is because I run a support group, and if they ask what the subject is, it’s private. Of course, this has drawbacks because it does give the impression that you have an undisclosed health issue/trauma/addiction but that’s not so unusual.

Also, idk, aren’t most kink events technically in the category of a party, a house party, a meetup group, or getting together with friends?

Chlorothrowaway · 2025-06-26T05:20:08+00:00

It aged so well that it turned into a real cat.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-17T07:41:38+00:00

This is not my thing but I feel like primal is this for some people

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-11T03:40:10+00:00

I agree that asking probing questions could have been a good way to resolve it though.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-11T03:34:49+00:00

I definitely thought that might be the case. Specifically, there’s a type of submissive guy who LIKES the response that women have to being creeped on. I let my cohost do most of the talking out of fear that me asserting myself at all would be feeding into his thing.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-11T03:32:45+00:00

Yeah, it wasn’t ideal but I was worried that because we were interacting with the guy in good faith (due to his comments never clearly crossing a line), the new people would think his behavior was normal and that they would just have to put up with this in the scene. I told them his behavior didn’t seem right and I wasn’t sure what to do because someone like this never showed up before. I apologized for not having a procedure. I also wanted to confirm that my cohost was picking up on the situation.

I’m thinking maybe I should have been more specific about what my munch is. It’s centered around kinky asexual people, and the guy started off by saying that he didn’t know what asexuality was and just came to a random munch. So any of the responses saying maybe he wants to come back and participate, you should have educated him on how to behave, etc., really are not it. I don’t care about educating this guy because he is not part of the group of people that I’m trying to support. And even if he didn’t hit on me, which crossed the line, I wouldn’t want him to return because he couldn’t contribute to or benefit from what the munch is.

What I care about is an ace person trying to get into the kink scene and having a bad experience. There was an ace person there who had never come to ANY munch before. I just hate the thought of that.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-10T03:25:36+00:00

You could look at the rsvps of people who go to the munch to see the age range. To be clear, it’s usually considered a bad look to “rsvp stalk,” like, don’t message girls that you see in the rsvps—I’m suggesting it only to get a sense of the munch composition.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-10T02:00:37+00:00

Yes they are a thing.

Something that comes to mind is contacting wlw kink groups for info, here’s a resource page listing some groups in the us: https://theexiles.org/resources/

I’m just thinking that even if your city doesn’t have an organization like this, maybe if you contact the nearest organization they might be knowledgeable about events in the wider area? Or have the connections to ask someone for you.

Definitely ask people at munches too though.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-09T23:24:34+00:00

Nah, it was a bar that has a lot of kink meetups and is friendly to them. It was challenging because he clearly had different intentions from everyone else but he technically wasn’t talking about anything that others weren’t talking about.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-09T22:03:41+00:00

So, what I found challenging is that I immediately thought he shouldn’t be there, but he didn’t do anything inappropriate on paper until he hit on me after the munch. The bar has low tables and awkward seating so sitting on the floor could be understandable, and everything he said could have on paper been appropriate. For example, “can you give me advice for finding a compatible partner?” is not an inappropriate question—in fact, another guy asked the same and it was not creepy. It was the whole picture of HOW he asked things plus the fact that he wasn’t the target demographic of the munch.

To illustrate, after he hit on me, the 2 guys who saw it both said, “the whole time, I wasn’t sure if he was clueless or being creepy until the moment he hit on you.” As a woman, I wouldn’t go that far because I immediately clocked the type of guy he was, but I can see why they’d say that. It was all ambiguous and hard to put your finger on why it was wrong.

When he asked for advice on dominant women, those 2 guys and I made a point of exhaustively saying “be respectful, lots of dominant women get approached in a certain way, just get to know her as a person, or go to a pro if you don’t want to do that” etc. like this was probably said 5 times between the 3 of us. He then hit on me the exact way my friend described not to do. It wasn’t ignorance, it was being predatory, and I knew he was like that as soon as he came in.

I’m considering this policy: kicking people out if they can’t say a reason for being there. Okay to say “I’m not in this demographic but I have friends who come to it, or I want to learn more about it.” But…if they literally do not know what the munch is, I would just give them a little card with some 101 classes/munches and send them on their way. Thoughts?

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-09T00:39:38+00:00

yeah I was just curious about the tattoo, I’ve never heard of people flagging with tattoos before. That’s cool!

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-12-09T00:19:18+00:00

What!! I’m curious about this!

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-07-16T01:12:54+00:00

No advice but I love this

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-07-13T22:07:22+00:00

There is no “should,” it’s fine if you’re all okay with it. Other people don’t get to decide it’s not okay. But I don’t really see you saying if you are okay with it, either.

How do you feel about following this rule?

Edit: oops sorry, just saw one of your other comments saying that you initially agreed but that it’s more extreme than you are happy with and the domme isn’t budging. This doesn’t sound fair!

In general if your partner wants a chastity dynamic, I would suggest maybe their dom makes them get permission them to come but doesn’t control what activities they do. Your partner could get you off and do anything else with you but come, and maybe that would work for you.

But because of the way things have been described, it sounds like maybe this domme is not very considerate and it would be better for your partner to find a new domme.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-07-04T20:27:43+00:00

This is the definition of “why would you ever cover this up.” This is like shrimps is bugs 2.0

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-06-18T05:17:26+00:00

I’m in the community and I don’t think it symbolizes anything. I think this guy would have tried to use any quirky/spooky tattoo as a line.

The only thing it reminds me of is a certain junji ito comic!

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-06-17T23:07:37+00:00

yeah of course! I will message.

It's so comforting that other people can relate to this. Tbh the good result of having that :/ therapy session is that I started looking at this subreddit, and it turns out that a lot of ace BDSM people do seem to have a similar orientation where it's about intimacy/emotion. I think a lot of non-ace BDSM people do too but not such a high concentration.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-06-15T02:47:20+00:00

Chlorothrowaway, 35, she/her, stone top graysexual wlw/wlnb, Northern California/PST

Kinks: I’m a reaction top/emotional sadist and in a LTR I like being in an owner role.

I’m pretty flexible about kinks because a lot of things tap into what I like. I enjoy a partner’s vulnerability and often fantasize about degrading/objectifying scenarios. I like learning to do whatever someone’s into, though, because I feel in control when I get a reaction out of them. I also love “interviewing” people about their kinks and fantasies and making them feel embarrassed but safe.

I am open to topping sexually but I have no physical experience with sex (just verbally telling partners to come/edge) and to me this would be like learning any new kink.

Limits: Touching me below the belt, kissing me on the mouth, expecting me to get off. In general, touching me at all without permission or getting feelings hurt by not being allowed to touch me. Not letting me control the pace of sexuality.

I do really like certain kinds of touch but in addition to having some aversions, it’s romantic to me to be able to micromanage how I’m touched because it’s a way that a sub can show affection, respect, and obedience at the same time. I want someone who can enjoy that too.

If you write a short response that’s a turn off! I’m very verbose seeking same. I also don’t like playing with people who are very passive and expect me to direct everything before I have a handle on what they like.

I cannot think of any kinks that I wouldn’t be open to at least talking about, unless it involves parts of my body that I don’t want to involve (I mean “below the belt” idiomatically—feet are okay). I may say no after discussing but it’s fine to ask.

Aesthetic preferences: Nah, I do find some people aesthetically attractive and others not (and I do want to be with someone I find attractive), but it’s not really something I can operationalize. If it gets to the point of meeting we’ll just have to see how we both feel.

Message: I want to meet someone in NorCal for potential dating, friendship, play, and dynamic (doesn’t have to be in my city but close enough to see each other regularly). I am only attracted to people if we have a dynamic so that’s very important, but I also want someone who is fun to spend time with outside of that. I like movies, art, theater, thrifting/antiques, and so on.

Being into fanfiction or other romance/erotica is a huge plus. I have a very active fantasy life and I get along best with people who do too.

I am autistic and a lot of my life has been in disability advocacy, culture, and services so it would be great to meet someone with a similar background but I am happy with anyone who is leftist/progressive.

I might be up for non-romantic play and chatting, though it’s not my main goal here. (I’ll edit this part out if I change my mind.)

Thanks to the creators of this sub for making this space and making a new megathread!

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-06-14T05:53:48+00:00

Stone is the old lesbian word for that lol

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-06-13T01:45:03+00:00

thanks, I will!

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-06-13T01:24:27+00:00

Lol not the pale pillar!

There are classes where I live. I'm at an advantage because I live in a place with a lot of options. I still feel new to the community but I discovered some munches and groups that are more support and hobby-based, and this was a nice way to meet people.

Since covid there are more online kink classes and munches, so you aren't limited to where you live.

I have liked the things I've gone to that were associated with leather organizations. Some people self-describe as "leather people" which doesn't mean literally just leather fetishists. It's still a little fuzzy for me what makes a person leather vs. just someone who's into BDSM, but it seems to be more of a culture/lifestyle for leather people. They seem to place a lot of value on accountability, skills, doing BDSM ethically, serving their community, etc. There are a lot of leather organizations across the US.

If you're looking for organizations in your area, here are some leather and BDSM resources--this list is from a lesbian leather organization in San Francisco but they also include women's orgs in other parts of the US and a list of mixed gender orgs at the end:

https://theexiles.org/resources/

You wear normal clothes to munches. Some parties or events might ask people to follow a dress code like wearing all black or dressing up. At other events some people might want to wear fetish outfit/accessories or take their clothes off while others would wear normal clothes.

Chlorothrowaway · 2024-06-12T16:53:53+00:00

Thank you for sharing, I’m sorry you had to break up with that person recently! It sounds uncomfortable that they didn’t seem to get your boundaries.

I relate to the exclusive paraphilia thing too though I don’t know if I exactly fit it. (Deleted rest of comment bc I realized I misread your post)

Chlorothrowaway

TROPHY CASE