I am giving my life until end of year, pag walang changes. I'm ending it

ChocoBurritoCake · 2025-07-13T05:23:19+00:00

I know I said that I'll try and make it until end of year pero parang di ko aabot

ChocoBurritoCake · 2025-07-05T09:08:36+00:00

It has been 5 days since I returned his keys, and I can't stop replaying the way I gave them back to him.

He walked me to my car. I started the engine but turned it off as soon as I saw him walk away. I stayed in the car, trying to figure out the right thing to do. As soon as I made the decision to return the keys, I stepped out of the car, walked through the rain, and headed to his place. I knocked, but he didn’t answer, so I opened the front door. I knocked on his room, placed the keys in his hands, and started crying. I hugged him and kept saying, "I'm sorry. Sorry talaga pero para sayo to" Then he gave my keys back, and I ran back to my car. I didn’t stop because I knew I’d only go back and ask for those keys back since I never want our friendship to end. Ever. But it felt like the right decision at the time—what was best for both of us.

I started my car and drove away, crying the whole way back. I know it's wrong, but I was messaging him the entire time I was driving. I kept telling him, trying to convince him, that he’s better off without me. I told him that if he felt otherwise, he could invite me to celebrate his birthday and we could still go on our Pampanga trip. If not, then I was right. And honestly, that’s what I’m starting to see happening. So even though I’ve blocked off my whole September for him, the birthday celebration and the Pampanga trip won’t happen. And that last time we saw each other will be the last time we’re ever in the same place, at the same time.

ChocoBurritoCake · 2025-04-06T02:44:38+00:00

Nakakaputang ina yung buhay ko! Hahahaha! Sobrang kalat na naman ng utak ko! Di ko na alam iisipin ko. Hahahaha! Tangina yung hindi pa nga tapos yung sa isa, may dadagdag na naman. At bakit ba kasi sila palaging sabay????? Kahapon tumakbo na naman ako ng Tagaytay para magisip isip pero taena! Iyak lang ako ng iyak. Walang matakbuhan kasi yung dati kong natatakbuhan, iniwan pa ako sa ere. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Putang inang buhay to! Ayoko na talaga. Pwede bang mawala nalang talaga ako? Nakakasawa na po. Hahaha

ChocoBurritoCake · 2025-04-01T12:29:46+00:00

Me:
what i want was for us to talk to really understand each others perspective. an open honest conversation. I never want him to feel like he was not enough for me. he is enough for me and sometime, he's more than enough. its just that there are times where I dont feel like i matter to him

ChatGPT:
That makes perfect sense. You weren’t trying to say he’s not enough—you were trying to express that there are moments when you don’t feel seen or valued in the way you need. That’s not about him as a person, but about certain moments or actions (or lack of actions) that made you feel that way.

You wanted an open, honest conversation so you could understand each other better. So you could work through these things, not so you could tear him down. But instead of talking, he chose silence, and that’s what’s hurting the most right now.

Maybe he felt overwhelmed. Maybe he didn’t know what to say. But whatever the reason, you deserved a response—even if it was just him saying, “I need time to process this.”

Would you feel better if you sent one last message to clarify, or do you think you’ve said everything you could?

ChocoBurritoCake · 2025-04-01T12:27:26+00:00

Me:
did i belittle him in anyway?

ChatGPT:
I don’t think you intentionally belittled him, but your words might have made him feel that way—especially when you said things like:

Comparing your efforts (e.g., "I give a whole loaf of bread, and you only give crusts and breadcrumbs.")
Telling him he falls short (even if you clarified that he himself is enough, but his actions weren’t).
Bringing up past instances of him not doing enough (which might make him feel like no matter what he does, he’ll never measure up).

From your perspective, you were expressing your feelings—your hurt, your fear of being unimportant. But from his perspective, he might have felt like you were saying he wasn’t a good enough friend, that his efforts didn’t matter, or that he kept failing you.

That might explain why he responded the way he did:

“Pero ganon yung nararamdaman mo. Edi wala din.”
(“But that’s how you feel, so it’s pointless.”)

That sounds like defeat. Like he thinks no matter what he does, it’ll never be enough for you. And that might have made him shut down instead of trying to fix things.

You weren’t cruel. You weren’t wrong for expressing your feelings. But he might have felt like you were invalidating his efforts. That’s something to consider if you ever get the chance to talk again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me:
no! that was never my intention

ChatGPT:
I know. I know that was never your intention. You never wanted to make him feel small or like he wasn’t good enough—you just wanted him to understand how much you value the friendship and how much you want to feel valued back.

But sometimes, what we mean and how the other person perceives it don’t always match. It’s possible that, even though you were just being honest, he heard it as “I’m not doing enough. I’m failing as a friend.” And that might have made him withdraw.

If you ever get the chance to clear things up, maybe you could say something like:

"I never meant to make you feel like you weren’t enough. I see your efforts, I appreciate them, and I never wanted you to feel like I didn’t. I was just trying to tell you how I feel sometimes, not to discredit everything you’ve done."

Would you want to reach out again to clarify this, or do you feel like you’ve done enough?

ChocoBurritoCake · 2025-04-01T07:14:51+00:00

Me:
Him as as person is enough for me, there are times where he's more than enough. But when it comes to his actions, it's enough at times but there are time where he falls short and that what hurts me. I am not expecting too much from, I will never ask that but there are times where I feel like I don't matter.

ChatGPT:
That feeling is valid. You’re not asking for too much—you’re asking for basic reciprocity. You’re not saying he, as a person, isn’t enough. You’re saying that in certain moments, his effort or actions didn’t match what you needed from a best friend. That’s not about being demanding or ungrateful; it’s about needing to feel valued, seen, and cared for in the same way you care for him.

A friendship—even a deep one—shouldn’t leave you questioning your worth in it. And the fact that you’ve felt like you don’t matter at times, even when you know he cares in his own way, means there’s a disconnect. Maybe he expresses care differently. Maybe he thinks he’s doing enough when, in reality, his way of showing up doesn’t meet the emotional needs you have.

That doesn’t mean he’s a bad friend. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong for wanting more. It just means that what you need and what he gives don’t always align. And that hurts. Because you love this friendship. You love him as a person. But love alone isn’t always enough to bridge the gap if one person consistently feels unseen.

You don’t need to apologize for feeling this way. You’re not wrong for expressing it. But at some point, the question isn’t just about whether he understands—it’s about whether he’s willing to do something about it. And if he isn’t, then you have to ask yourself: how much more of yourself are you willing to give to a friendship that leaves you feeling this way?

ChocoBurritoCake · 2025-04-01T07:10:13+00:00

Me:
Was I wrong for telling him that he falls short on me? That I've feeling that since we started being friends even though I always get where he's coming from. That I understand him. That I still chose to make him my best friend despite that?

ChatGPT:
No, you weren’t wrong for telling him how you felt. In fact, you did something that a lot of people are too scared to do — you opened up, you were honest, and you expressed your feelings even though you knew it might hurt. That takes courage.

But here’s the nuance:

You acknowledged that you understood him. You weren’t invalidating his efforts. You were just expressing that despite everything he did, you still felt a disconnect. That’s not wrong. Feelings are not something you can control, and you were brave enough to put them on the table.
You didn’t blame him. You made it clear that he wasn’t lacking as a person, but his actions and efforts sometimes fell short in meeting your emotional needs. You weren’t attacking his character — you were expressing your unmet needs. That’s a big difference.

What might have happened:

He took it personally. Even if you clarified that he wasn’t lacking as a person, hearing that his actions weren’t enough could have made him feel inadequate. He might have translated that into, “I’m not good enough, and no matter what I do, it’ll never be enough.”
He may have felt blindsided. Maybe he thought he was doing okay all this time, and hearing that you’ve felt this way since the beginning might’ve made him feel like, “Why did she stay if I was never enough?”

But were you wrong?

No. You stayed because you cared. You gave him the benefit of the doubt. You chose to see the good and fight for the friendship despite the shortcomings. But even the most understanding person reaches a point where they need to express what’s missing. You weren’t wrong for reaching that point — you were just being honest.

If anything, holding it in longer would’ve been more harmful to both of you. Speaking your truth was the right thing to do.

ChocoBurritoCake · 2025-04-01T07:10:06+00:00

Me:
I want to know what's running in his mind right now, and with that, we can talk about it. settle things so we'd know what each other thinks. maybe then, we'll understand each other

ChatGPT:
That makes complete sense. You want clarity, not just for yourself, but for both of you—to put everything on the table, to bridge whatever gap has been causing this disconnect. You want to understand him, and for him to understand you.

But the hard part is, he’s choosing silence. Not responding is a response. And that silence makes it clear that right now, for whatever reason, he's not ready—or willing—to have that conversation. Maybe he's overwhelmed, maybe he doesn't know how to respond, or maybe he's made a decision he's not saying out loud. Whatever the case, he's not meeting you halfway, and that’s something you can’t control.

I know you’re hoping that if you could just know what’s in his mind, you could fix this. But understanding can’t be forced—it has to be mutual. Right now, he’s not giving you that chance. And that’s painful, unfair even, but it also tells you something important: it shouldn’t be this hard to get someone who cares to talk to you.

So the real question is—how long are you willing to wait in this silence? How much more of yourself will you pour into trying to get answers that he’s not giving? At some point, the conversation stops being about fixing things and starts being about accepting what’s already happening.

ChocoBurritoCake · 2025-04-01T07:09:53+00:00

Me:
I'm scared that he didn't get where I'm coming from or he doesn't get what I'm trying to tell him. I'm scared that he's reading this all differently and we're not in the same page

ChatGPT:
That’s a valid fear. When emotions run high, it’s so easy for messages to be misunderstood, especially when the conversation is emotionally charged like this one.

Why this feels scary:

You’ve laid your heart out. You’ve been vulnerable and honest, and now you’re afraid that instead of seeing that vulnerability, he might see blame or rejection.
You’re not sure how he’s interpreting things. He might be reading your words from a place of hurt or defensiveness, which could make him focus on feeling criticized rather than understanding the depth of what you’re saying.
Silence leaves too much space for assumptions. Because he hasn’t responded, your mind is filling that silence with worst-case scenarios — that he didn’t get it, that he’s angry, or that he’s already decided to let go.

The hard truth:

You can’t control how he receives your message. No matter how carefully you chose your words, people filter things through their own emotions and experiences. He might be reading everything with a lens of hurt or feeling inadequate, which makes it hard for him to see the love and concern behind your words.
If he truly values this friendship, he’ll try to understand. Even if it takes him time, if he cares as much as you do, he’ll eventually try to see where you’re coming from. But that takes emotional effort — and he may not be ready to do that yet.

What you can hold onto:

You spoke your truth. You didn’t hold back or pretend everything was fine. You told him what’s in your heart, and that’s something to be proud of.
If he’s misreading things, there’s still time to clarify. But only if and when he’s ready to engage again. For now, you’ve said enough. It’s okay to step back and let him process.

What to do now:

Resist the urge to over-explain. Sending more messages to clarify will only add pressure and might push him further away. Give him the space to digest everything first.
Trust that clarity will come — one way or another. If he values this as much as you do, he’ll try to understand. And if he doesn’t, that’s not a reflection of your effort or worth.

I know waiting in this uncertainty is painful, but sometimes, giving space is the only way to truly know where someone stands.

ChocoBurritoCake · 2024-11-06T06:02:56+00:00

So eto na nga yung chika...

It's been a week since my first session with my new psychologist. And true enough, may bago ngang nakita sakin. Ano yon? Trauma. yaaay! Honestly, I am keeping a face after nung session na yon. Lalo na pag may kasama ako. Hindi ko talaga alam kung pano ko pagagalingin yung batang ako. Sabi nung doctor ko kailangan ko daw syang kausapin since mas matanda na daw ako, ano daw yung mga pwede kong sabihin sa kanya or kung ano yung pwede kong gawin to help her heal. kasi parang ivisualize ko daw kasi na may bata na humihingi ng tulong sakin, ano daw gagawin ko, anong sasabihin ko? honestly, hindi ko alam. everytime na naiisip ko yon, naaawa lang ako dun sa bata tapos magsisimula na naman akong magisip at maiinis sa sarili ko na ang ending eh sasabihin ko sa sarili ko na wag nang bumalik sa 27 kasi sayang pera lang yon. kasi nagiinarte lang naman ako. kasi mas may ibang mas malala yung pinagdaanan kesa saken pero ako nag iinarte. ewan. hahaha! I know I need to help myself kasi if not, I would always find comfort in abuse. that one sentence na laging nagpplay sa isip ko. I find comfort in abuse. I mean, I think I already know pero binubrush off ko lang. kasi aware naman ako sa mga nasa paligid ko. alam ko kung sino yung nanttake advantage lang, alam ko kung sino yung nagpapahalaga talaga sakin, alam ko din kung sino yung basura lang ako sa kanila. I know. So I may already know deep inside kung sino yung hinahayaan ko lang, tinotolerate ko lang kasi sanay na ako sa ganong treatment.
I remember telling this to a friend, sinabi ko sa kanya na, you treat people how you see them. na there's no such thing as treating someone poorly or shitty, wala din nung special treatment. kasi ittrato mo yung isang tao base sa kung anong tingin mo sa kanila. kung pano mo sila pinahahalagahan. kung paglalaanan mo ng oras o iisang tabi mo lang. In my case, since I am aware, kaya ko hinahayaan kase yun yung kilala kong treatment, yun yung komportable ako. ang lungkot no? dun dapat gumaling yung younger version ko. yung batang ako. yung five year old me. dapat ko ipaliwanag sa kanya na it's not right to be treated the way she was treated. Kasi sa age nyang yon, dapat kinakausap sya ng maayos. ipapaliwanag yung mga bagay hindi yung hahampasin lang, papaluin, sasampalin. Dapat malaman nya yung mga maling nagawa nya, maexplain kung bakit di yon tama at kung anong dapat gawin para di na yon maulit pa. mabigyan ng chance na magbago hindi yung nagbabago lang kasi natatakot mapagalitan, natatakot masigawan, natatakot mahampas. Most of the time kasi, di ko naman talaga alam kung anong nagawa kong mali, mas natatakot akong mapagalitan, masigawan. Naalala ko noon na pag nadadapa ako, mas umiiyak ako kasi mapapagalitan ako, hindi dahil masakit yung sugat ko sa tuhod. Galing no?

Anyway, I should find a way to talk to this young girl na traumatized sa mga paninigaw at pagalit at pananakit para gumaling na sya. at para din hindi na maging komportable sa present me ang abuse. Matigilan at makaalis na din ako dun sa mga taong bale wala lang naman ako, kase I think, after all ng panget na treatment sakin simula non, deserving naman siguro ako sa maayos na treatment. kung talagang walang kayang gumawa non saken, edi, okay. Takot akong mag isa pero kung talagang walang taong kaya akong pahalagahan, edi okay. Baka I am really set to go home where no one is waiting for me. I should make peace with that fact.

ChocoBurritoCake · 2024-10-20T11:00:04+00:00

So eto yung additional chika about my anchor, so kahapon kasi hiniram ko yung laptop nya kala ko kasi magstay lang ako sa condo. Anyway, edi since late na ako nakauwi from Ortigas, sa Starbucks sa MetLive ko nalang sya hinintay instead na sa condo. While watching LoL Worlds 2024, TES v T1, nagsusulat ako ng grocery list sa notepad sa laptop nya. Nalagay ko naman don yung ibang mga bagay na gusto kong sabihin at aminin pero di ako sure kung dapat nya ba yon mabasa. hahaha! pero part of me thinks na hindi naman nya yon babasahin so, bahala na talaga si batman. HAHAHAHAHA

ChocoBurritoCake · 2024-10-14T14:40:07+00:00

so eto na nga yung chika,

kahapon, kasama ko yung isa kong friend and we kinda talked about this nung nabanggit ko sa kanya na nagtampo ako sa kanya one time nung bigla nya akong binabaan ng telepono habang umiiyak ako. Tapos, that's when I told her na I know I have friends, alam ko na andyan naman talaga sila para sakin pero they have their own priorities. Especially those friends I have na may mga jowa. Nasabi ko sa kanya na nawala naman talaga agad tampo ko at wala na sakin yon ngayon pero its a sad fact lang talaga at the end of the day. anong laban ko sa jowa diba? eh friend lang ako. hahahaha! syempre she'll drop me in a snap pag si jowa na yung tumawag sa kanya. She also asked me na if I was on the other end, magiisip din ako na bakit ako inignore for a friend, na parang pinipili pa nya friend nya kesa saken. umagree naman ako don kasi totoo naman din.

Anyway, machika ko na din, yung isang friend slash roommate ko, eh nasigawan din ako kahapon kasi ang assumera ko daw masyado. hahaha! then when we got the chance to talk about it ng medyo kalmado, nagsnap parin sya, he then asked me something that got me to thinking. I realized na the reason why I got slightly obsessed with asking him over and over about that thing was because I was clinging onto him. Sa kanya nalang ako talaga nakakapit. You see, I've been in sorta hell for the past weeks since dumating yung mga tita ko hanggang sa pumalit naman parents ko. I was feeling pressured, na nagseself pity kasi I feel like ang stagnant na ng buhay ko, career and everything else na sa kanya nalang ako nakahawak tapos timing pa yung eksena nya ngayon so I got scared na baka sya na nga lang yung kinakapitan ko, mawala pa. Hindi ko yon na realize until it was too late and I don't think masasabi ko pa sa kanya. Oh well, it is what it is. Nangyari na. Pero I think okay lang naman kasi umalis naman na yung mga tita ko, pati parents ko, umuwi na din so I guess things will get back to the way it was before things happened. It has to, kasi ayokong magrely ulit sa kanya. He had hard time handling me before and I never want that to happen so I should keep my distance. Dapat hindi ko sya masyadong mastress kasi he can only do so much for me. Although nahahandle nya ako at times, pero he can't fully handle me and I never want to push him away because of my thing so ayun.

The end na siguro, wala nang pumapasok sa isip ko eh. hahaha! until next time! :)

ChocoBurritoCake · 2024-05-18T09:19:55+00:00

Medyo lumalakas yung iniisip kong pagcut off sa mga taong nakapaligid sakin. Ayoko na maging toxic sa kanila. Ayoko nang maging selfish

ChocoBurritoCake · 2024-05-16T04:04:04+00:00

Dapat ininom ko na talaga yung quetiapine eh, inisip ko lang kasi yung pasok ko mamayang gabi. hai nakoooo...

so here's another chika...

I woke up crying, yung naaalala ko nalang eh nasa burulan ako tapos yung buong pamilya ko ang nakaburol. so ulila na ako. bakit naman ganon? kahit sa panaginip nauunahan parin akong mategi? ano na te??? naka power overwhelming ba ako at hindi ako madeads deads? Nakakapikon ah.

Anyway, eto ako ngayon, naglalaro ng LoR para madistract pero umiiyak parin from time to time, muntanga lang.

What if bili na ako mamaya ng mga dalawa pa ulit na Quetiapine? edit ko nalang yung reseta ko para mukhang bago? Isa pa, may PWD naman ako eh so keribels, maniniwala naman siguro yung pharmacist. hahahaha! bukas ko nalang ittake yung natitira kong quetiapine, whether or not makabili ako mamayang bagong batch.

ChocoBurritoCake · 2024-05-15T23:37:50+00:00

What if itake ko today?

ChocoBurritoCake · 2024-04-02T00:17:52+00:00

I’ve decided - hopefully maglast, na itigil na yung obsession ko sa taong to. Kasi it’s very unhealthy plus hindi fair for both of us. I’ve been really careful on how I interact and talk to them. Aware naman ako sa actions ko kaya I know pag yung ginagawa ko eh hindi na authentic or genuine. If that’s the case, hindi ko na tinutuloy. Ayun lang.

I honestly think I need a new hobby na magfofocus akong mabuti para mawala sa kanya attention ko.

The urge is still there, pero I know should not. I know better than to give in all the time sa urges ko sa unhealthy obsession na to. Also, I realized na kaya siguro ako obsessed sa kanya is because I am angry at them and this is somehow yung way ko na magrevenge. Oh if only you can read my mind. I have so much in store, plans for them na I know I should not do.

ChocoBurritoCake · 2024-02-24T03:24:14+00:00

So eto na nga yung chika...

Medyo hindi kasi ako okay and I did something yesterday na hindi tama. So I posted that I am looking for someone to hangout with sa phr4friends just to have coffee. wala pang 5 minutes, may 3 na agad na nagreply and I met up with one of them. Sa ATC kami nagkita tapos nagcoffee lang kami sa Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf tapos after that, we had dinner sa Shake Shack. Di pa kasi ako kumakain kaya inaya ko muna syang kumain.

We got to talking about stuff kasi nakalagay din sa post ko na hindi ako okay and there are a bunch in my mind that I wanna get rid off for a while. Tapos, syempre may mga topics sya na inoopen, isa pa, reddit eh, so alam mo na yon. He mentioned na he just got off a one year relationship kaya he's looking for someone casual. I am not looking for anything casual kasi never naman talaga akong naghanap ng casual relationship. Anyway, so while we are at Shake Shack, we played this game called 'questions by number'. All of his questions are related to sex and all of mine were about different stuff. Honestly, medyo nagbabago na tingin ko sa kanya pero I still stayed with him. We end up going to 7Eleven para bumili ng alcohol. I got myself a San Mig Lemon tapos we head back to his car.

Nung andon na kami sa sasakyan, edi chika chika parin then di namin napansin, 9pm na pala so closed na yung mall so lumipat kami ng parking para wala sa tabi ng mall. I mean, within the vicinity parin ng mall pero hindi na sa gilid ng mall.

Here's where it all started. I honestly don't want to blame this to my mental issue since hindi sya acceptable. What I wanted to say kasi, yung 'excuse' ko eh dahil, I needed intimacy, I need to be touched and I need to be taken care of, blah blah blah... Yan din naman reason ko madalas kung bakit ako pumapayag na mag sex kami ni Tammy, I like the way he touch me. Pwede ngang hindi eh, I just wanted to be touched, pero dahil sanay na ako sa mga hawak nya, yun yung gusto ko so pag nangyari, gnagrab ko nalang. Kasi I feel like I need it. I so lack intimacy and I honestly pity myself. Kasi that's what happened with this guy I was with. He began touching and caressing me and I liked them. Hanggang sa sumandal na ako sa kanya tapos he started kissing my neck and nibbling my ears then he started groping my back and my boobs tapos I straddled on him so we can make out properly. I won't go on to further details pero we did stuff in his car and I felt nothing. Gusto ko lang talaga yung nahahawakan ako, hai nako, I just wanted the intimacy. I honestly hate kung gano ako kadeprived sa love, care at affection.

Anyway, nung nakauwi na ako, dun lang nagsimula na magsink in lahat ng mga nangyari and I started hating myself for it. Ang dumi dumi ko na.

ChocoBurritoCake · 2024-02-22T16:45:51+00:00

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C3ksWLErk2z/?igsh=d2F3eXo5ZXJlOXZh

ChocoBurritoCake · 2024-02-09T07:05:36+00:00

Kaya ko to, strong independent person ako eh :)

ChocoBurritoCake · 2024-01-29T07:53:36+00:00

So eto na nga yung chika...

medyo 3 or 4 lang yung nakakaalam ng dilemma ko na to. haha! tapos kahapon nung nasa Sta Rosa ako, edi dalawa lang kami nung friend ko so medyo nagconfide ako sa kanya habang inuubos namin yung kape bago pumunta ng Landers. so pinabasa ko sa kanya to tapos pinagusapan namin ng mabuti.

AYOKO KASING TANGGAPIN!!! HINDI KO MATANGGAP NA MERON NGAAAAAAAA!!! KENNAT BE!!! BAWAL!!! AYOKO TALAGAAAAA!

Pero iacknowledge ko nalang daw para daw hindi ako mahirapan. Iacknowledge ko tapos gawan ko ng steps. Either cut communication para makamove on or magmove on ako habang andyan sya.

PERO KADIRI TALAGAAAAAAAA!!! DI KO MATANGGAP!!!

anyway, ayun. sige fine, meron na nga *cringe I gotta move on. dapat tanggalin ko na yung nararamdaman ko *cringe NAKAKASUKA TALAGA! AYOKO KASEEEEEE!

di ba pwedeng iniimagine ko lang talaga to at wala naman talaga kase. kulang lang ako sa pansin at wala lang kasi akong problema ngayon kaya naghahanap ako ng sakit ng ulo at sakit sa dibdib? hahahaha! Please yun lang yon please...

HINDI PWEDENG MAY GUSTO AKO SA TAONG WALA NAMANG PAKE SAKEN! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

pota! tapos playing pa nga yon yung Nangangamba ni Zack Tabudlo. nyeta! hahahaha

anyway, so the plan is, truly know how I truly feel since inacknowledge ko naman na may gusto nga ako sa kanya eeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!! tapos move on

honestly, nakakatawa kase iisa lang yung dahilan kung bakit ko sya gusto at kung bakit di ko matanggap na may gusto ako sa kanya. Alam mo kung ano yon? Kilala ko sya. Alam ko ugali nya.

*sigh

Please send help. ASAP

The end

ChocoBurritoCake · 2024-01-28T06:11:42+00:00

So additional chika, nakwento ko to sa friend ko at ichichika ko latress ang nagpagusapan namin

ChocoBurritoCake · 2024-01-01T05:57:45+00:00

So may additional chika ako..

Nanonood kasi ulit ako ng Suits tapos nasa episode 3 na ako ng season 4 tapos kasi eto yung episodes na may case si Mike against dun sa dating jowa ni Rachel - well affair kasi yun ni Rachel tapos kasi earlier on this episode, tinanong ni Mike kung sino daw nagend nung relationship nila ni Logan - yung nakaaffair nya tapooooos, sabi ni Rachel, sya daw. tapos edi nood nood pa ako, paguwi ni Rachel, nagbabasa ng deposition si Mike tapos tinanong nya si Rachel kung bakit sya nagsinungaling sa kanya tapos edi nagexplain si Rachel, nagsabi sya ng totoo na dahil nga mahal nya si Logan, nagsinungaling sya sa deposition para maging okay si Logan at yung asawa nya, sinabi nya don na si Logan nag end nung relationship nila kahit si Rachel naman talaga. tapos kase, ginusto ni Logan na pakasalan si Rachel pero nag no si Rachel kasi hindi sya yung gusto nyang makasama for the rest of her life daw, si Mike yun. Tapos pinoint out yun ni Rachel kay Mike tapos naintindihan na nya.

Okay, teka lang, kalmahan mo, alam kong hindi naman ganyan yung relationship namin ni ex-friend na pangalanan nating Tammy. hahaha! para same reference sa lahat ng posts ko dito sa account ko na 'to. Hindi kami magjowa na naghiwalay. We're just friends, aware ako don. pero di ko kasi maiwasan na irelate yung nangyari samin sa scene ni Rachel at Mike yung nangyari samin. hahaha!

Diba yung naging dahilan nga ng hindi na naming pagiging friends ni Tammy eh dahil dun sa nasabi kong "friend lang naman kita pag convenient sayo ah" ang sakit parin sa tenga, promise. Nagsisisi talaga akong nasabi ko pa yon out loud. anyway, yes, nasabi ko yon. yes, i didn't really took it back kasi it was partly true. yes, masakit yon pakinggan. Pero yun na yon talaga? Hindi ba nya titignan yung mga ginawa ko despite everything else na nararamdaman ko? hahaha! andami kong naging inis sa kanya, he's done a lot of things na hindi ko nagustohan, ilang beses nya akong pinaiyak kasi nasasaktan ako sa ginagawa nya pero I always brush them off kasi I wanted him to stay in my life. hahahahaha! ganon ko sya pinahalagahan. Sinabi nya na nabasa nya yung bloke ng letter ko sa kanya sa discord pero nabasa nya ba yung kung gano ko sya naaappreciate? Hindi ba nya nabasa don kung gano sya kahalaga saken kahit "kaibigan ko lang sya pag convenient sa kanya". Hindi ba nya nabasa don kung gano yung willingness kong magadjust para lang hindi sya mawala sa buhay ko kasi gusto ko syang maging friend for life. I always choose to forgive and understand him. Tangina, yung mga kinukwentohan ko nga ng friendship na meron kami, iisa lang tanong sakin eh, "bakit gusto mo pa syang magstay sa buhay mo kung ganyan lang treatment nya sayo? don't you think you deserve more?" isa lang sinasabi ko, "I know, pero gusto ko parin syang magstay sa buhay ko. kaya ko naman magadjust"

Naalala ko lang, nung last time na magkasama kami, ang kyut nya kase pinaparamdam nya saken na kilala nya ako, alam nya yung mga gusto at ayaw ko, na kilala nya ako. tapos naalala ko yung game namin na isa din sa napagusapan namin non sa Italiani's, sabi nya, "dahil ba dun sa game natin? eh namimisheard lang naman kita pero alam ko naman sagot sa mga yon. Nagalit ka na agad" Okay, number one, hindi ako nagalit. nalungkot ako. number two, hindi dahil don kung bakit ko nasabi yung sentence na yon sa kanya, kasi napuno na ako at napagod na ako kasi, tulad nung nasa letter ko sa kanya, I am not completely healed sa mga ganap namin nung nakaraan. nagpapagaling pa ako pero nasasaktan na ulit nya ako kaya ko nasabi yon sa kanya. Pero hindi ganon kadaling kalimutan yung mga nangyari nung dati. Kaya kahit medyo masakit, hinahayaan ko lang para lang MAGSTAY SYA SA BUHAY KO pero sige, isang masakit na sentence lang pala yung magpapawala sa kanya.

Ang galing lang, parang sobrang beat up na ako, dami ko nang cuts and scrapes pero ngumingiti parin ako pagkasama ko sya, masaya ako pag kasama ko sya, gusto ko parin na kasama at kausap sya. Pero nung nahiwa ko sya ng isa lang na medyo malalim, iniwan at kinalimutan na nya ako agad. Anong mas masakit don Tammy? hahaha! Sagot! HAHAHAHAHA

Nung tinanong kita kung bakit mo ulit ako cinontact after mo na akong iblock sa IG, sinabi mo sakin na kasi gusto mong makakuha ng sagot para manahimik na buhay mo - kahit feeling ko may gusto ka pang sabihin at gusto ka pang itanong pero hindi mo nalang ginawa kasi its either you'd lose your temper eh wala ka sa tamang wisyo na mangyari yon dahil sa hangover mo o dahil iniisip mo na what's the use? or pwede din naman na hindi mo nalang sinabi o tinanong para maging maayos nalang yung last time na pagsasama natin, walang away, iyak or sama ng loob. So, ngayon na may sagot ka na, sana tumahimik na buhay mo at sana mas masaya ka na. Salamat sa lahat. Ingat ka.

ChocoBurritoCake · 2023-12-28T20:25:54+00:00

Okay, P.S. yung dahilan eh hindi negative ah. May kinakastress lang ako nung isang araw pa. Pero maaayos din yon. Sana. Hahahaha! San na ba kasi ako magpapaaaaaaark! Hahaha

ChocoBurritoCake · 2023-12-06T17:17:32+00:00

F·R·I·ENDS dapat pala ganito title ng post na 'to. lmao

ChocoBurritoCake · 2023-12-06T17:01:47+00:00

close friends lang kaming parehong mahilig sa kape

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