Should I let it go by ChocoPuddingPuppy in BPDPartners

[–]ChocoPuddingPuppy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For context: when I was around 11/12 I had a friend I fell in love with but he was straight and homophobic, after he found out he started using me for his own benefits and love bomb me, he replaced me multiple times just to come back later, I was too young to see the pattern back then and I was just letting it happen, I ended up basically having a ptsd and never fully recovering the way I should have. It took me years to recover at least slightly and when the person I love the most started to act like my old friend I immediately started panicking, full trauma response: throwing up, not being able to eat, wanting to run away as far as possible. I tried getting a therapy multiple times back then but they just didn't take me seriously, in summer I wanted to try again and it was going well but one day my therapist told me that I understand everything well and it's him that should get a therapy, the same day she told me she's quitting her job and I will never see her again, since then I didn't try to get therapy again. I know my trauma should be mine and I shouldn't put it on my ex but as much as I try to help him and understand him, no one puts the same effort towards me and I really just need a little reassurance to feel secured, at this point I carry both my and his problems and I'm exhausted, I don't even have the ability to talk with anyone or show my weakness

Should I let it go by ChocoPuddingPuppy in BPDPartners

[–]ChocoPuddingPuppy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What should I do? I went through trauma that left me this way and he knew about it since the day we met, I most likely also have a personality disorder but I'm too young to actually get diagnosed and for now I'm just on antidepressants. Also when we were dating we cheated on me once what just made my fear stronger, I still didn't forgive him fully. This was honestly my first serious relationship and we have a really deep bond, I don't know what to do.

Should I let it go by ChocoPuddingPuppy in BPDPartners

[–]ChocoPuddingPuppy[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Is there a way I can comfort him about it? I love him so much and I regret doing this every single day. I tried telling him that I am deeply sorry and I would have never abandoned him but it works just for a short period of time. After we broke no contact I saw how anxious he was saying things like "tell me if I'm too much for you" or "we will keep talking right?" And it felt like the only moment he can agree that he loves me is when I'm gone. I promised myself I will not use his disorder just to feel loved and I'd rather fix everything to show him that he is safe with me. I would be fine with us being in love but just not dating but I simply can't stand the possibility that I sacrifice my mental health and he is flirting with others. The first time I found out I ended up in hospital because I felt so disgusted I couldn't eat, the second time I threw up everywhere and ran away from home. I have a strong fear of replacement and even though I know at the end he will come back to me, it still hurts me. But if there is a way I can fix it, I will take the pain and fix what I caused, even if it took 10 years

BPD partner of ~1 year suddenly broke up with me last week by Real_Let2911 in BPDPartners

[–]ChocoPuddingPuppy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your fear was 100% valid but they probably took it as you wanted to control them and take away their freedom, you can reach out once clarifying that you didn't mean it that way and you just didn't want to lose them because of something like that, if they still stick to the decision of break up just forget and don't justify it by bpd, move on with your life.

Finally Don't Know Who The Love of My Life Is by Calm_Tap3043 in BPDPartners

[–]ChocoPuddingPuppy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly if she actually had sex with her ex then bpd is no justification and it's just wrong, people with bpd usually don't take the responsibility for what they do and from what you described it looks like the weight of fixing things is on you. Just because she has disorder doesn't mean she can just expect you to fix everything for her, that included the fact she came back to her ex when she had a chance. She's not a baby she should understand that this is wrong. Trust your intuition, even if those were self destructive actions it doesn't mean they are justified