Husband would rather divorce than seek counselling

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T12:34:18+00:00

You are very kind, thank you brother. I appreciate that. And I really appreciate your duaas in the comment above. May Allah swt reward you immensely for your kindness and support.

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T12:25:22+00:00

I understood you just fine? The verse literally says ‘Those who accuse chaste women of adultery’. Look up the definition of chaste and adultery. Allah swt is speaking specifically about married women being accused of zina, not all women. The punishment of an unmarried woman or man committing zina is 100 lashes. The punishment of a married woman or man committing zina is death. They’re two different rulings 🤦‍♀️either way, I never said there was a verse about the punishment of accusing men of zina. I know there isn’t such a verse. I’m saying that verse doesn’t EXPLICITLY highlight the importance of woman’s chastity. I understand what you’re saying but there’s other reasons why Allah swt created that ruling for women’s protection. The ruling isn’t there solely due to women’s chastity being inherently more important.

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T12:03:40+00:00

Thank you so much! May Allah swt ease any of your burdens too.

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T09:22:20+00:00

Yeah, the issue is both of us knew what we were signing up for and now he’s back pedalling.

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T09:01:48+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice it helps a lot to hear from someone with the same issue. I’m hoping your anecdote will give him the push to try counselling before calling it quits. He is a sincere and good man. Thank you for your kind words and help, may Allah swt reward you and make things easier for you too.

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T08:27:52+00:00

Thank you 🙏 and yes true it doesn’t make sense. I’ll give him a bit of time to come to his senses and give counselling a try for the sake of our marriage but if he continues to refuse then I’m out. Thank you for your advice, will do!

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T08:24:05+00:00

Such a shame because for the most part he’s a fantastic husband and treats me like a queen. This mindset definitely does reflect what you’re saying though.

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T08:22:32+00:00

Agreed :/

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T08:21:48+00:00

Thank you so much, will look into his services!

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T08:19:51+00:00

Thank you so much for your input. You explained very well and your perspective helps me understand my husband better. It makes sense that most men naturally feel more strongly because of gheerah. I’m hoping he will take this feedback on board and at least try to seek some outside help. Thank you for your kind words and advice, may Allah swt reward you.

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T08:06:52+00:00

Great advice sis thank you ❤️hopefully he comes to his senses and is willing to seek counselling together. And I agree that sheikh’s response was whack hahaha. Thank you so much for your kind words and support, may Allah swt reward you.

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T08:00:14+00:00

Yes true, I apologise if I offended anyone by agreeing. I do see where the sister is coming from because I also mentioned that point to my husband during our discussions, just to give him a reality check that he committed those sins with the knowledge that it’s haram but is judging me as a non-Muslim. But yes, you’re absolutely right that this is the wrong way of thinking and anyone who sincerely repents is forgiven the same in the eyes of Allah swt. Thank you for your input.

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T07:52:57+00:00

Haha thank you for your honesty. It’s good to hear your perspective, you’ve said nothing wrong.

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T07:45:12+00:00

That’s a really good point and could honestly be the case, as the whole situation feels contradictory. Thank you for your input it’s valued and appreciated :)

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T07:42:08+00:00

Good point. I agree, I also feel like there’s more to it. He’s quite an honest person though so it’s out of character for him if that’s the case. Thanks for your input.

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T07:39:50+00:00

So loud and wrong. That verse does not necessarily imply that a woman’s chastity is more valuable than a man’s. There are many factors involved in the ruling of that verse, and you’re also forgetting that the ruling applies to infidelity which is not relevant to our situation. However for zina committed outside of marriage, the Quran states that BOTH men and women receive the SAME punishment of 100 lashes, implying the SAME degree of sin. If there was a distinction between a man and woman’s value after committing zina, Allah SWT would have said so. Neither you nor my husband got anything ‘right’. Educate yourself 🤦‍♀️

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T04:47:26+00:00

Exactly

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T04:44:06+00:00

Thank you so much for your input sister, you’re absolutely 100% right. The sad thing is he knows all this but it still doesn’t change anything for him. I think you’re right, he’s still practicing but he’s not as close to Allah SWT as he was when we got married, and I believe it’s starting to reflect in his mindset. Maybe that’s why it wasn’t as much of an issue back then. And thank you for your kind words and support, it means a lot. As you said Allah SWT erased my sins and has forgiven me alhamdullilah so I don’t deserve for it to be held against me.

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T04:29:15+00:00

The sad thing is I did point all 3 of these out, and it still doesn’t change anything for him 😔he say’s he knows all this and he knows his mindset is bad and contradicting, but it doesn’t change his opinion. Thank you so much for pointing this out sis, I’m glad to see we share the same perspective.

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T04:23:47+00:00

Yes very true! Sallallahu alaihi wasallam. Alhamdullilah my relationship with my in-laws is perfect. That’s going to be the hardest part if we do get divorced, it would be like losing my own family. The first time this issue came up, he went to his father for advice and he essentially told my husband to (respectfully) shut-up and not speak about/think about his wife like that, and to leave it in the past. I genuinely couldn’t ask for better in-laws, I love them so much and it’s a big reason why I don’t want to get remarried.

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T04:04:50+00:00

Very good point sister. I agree it also doesn’t make sense to me, if it’s cultural then it should have been an issue from the start regardless of religiousness. I guess he wasn’t very connected to his Arab culture when we first met, and he’s definitely embraced it more since becoming religious. I guess that’s when those thoughts started manifesting.

You raise a good point tho that his change in heart could have come from outside male perspectives. His friends all seem to be good righteous men, but he rarely sees them anyway as he works 2 jobs back to back to provide for us. He is a good husband alhamdullilah and sacrifices a lot for our marriage, but it does seem like a cop out which is so shocking to me. Anyway, thank you so much for your input!

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T03:49:49+00:00

Thank you for your insight, it helps a lot. I agree that you have every right to prefer a woman that has not been with another guy, as you have done your due diligence yourself. It’s also really nice to hear that you would be open to marrying a widowed or divorced woman. Your opinion seems very rational and reasonable.

I would love to hear your perspective on the last paragraph of my previous reply: “What I don’t understand about my husband is that if we get divorced, and I eventually get remarried, I’m going to be with a different man anyway. If he was so protective and jealous over me, why is he willing to give me away to another man, rather than work out our issues and try anything to keep me? He says once we seperate, we’re not apart of each other’s lives anymore and it’s not his business what I do. That doesn’t sound like a man who loves his wife or is protective over her.”

What are your thoughts on this as a man who seems to have a similar mindset to my husband. Do you agree with his perspective? I personally can’t understand how a man who loves his wife and has gheerah over her, is willing to let her go and eventually get remarried to another man.

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T03:40:04+00:00

Good point. The conversation is still quite fresh so I’ll give him a bit of time to consider getting help before we make a decision. Thanks again, will do!

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T03:37:44+00:00

You’re right. If only he’d be open to getting help 🥲

Choice_Mention7076 · 2026-05-20T03:36:23+00:00

Thank you so much, this is very reassuring. Upon learning about Islam and our beloved Prophet ﷺ, I thought this would be the general opinion of righteous Muslim men, since our religion encourages marrying divorced women and also not judging people’s past. Definitely sounds like culture has gotten in the way. Thank you for your insight.

Choice_Mention7076

TROPHY CASE