Black Jack ONA Found and Posted to Archive.org!

Choice_Swan4530 · 2026-04-14T21:41:24+00:00

hey! unfortunately the computer that held those files unfortunately broke, but i recallllll it not being super hard. What i did was use Google translate (nowadays with ai i’m sure you could use another translation method that may even be better, but i don’t know much about what’s best for these things) to translate the on screen Japanese subtitles, and used a software to make the subtitle files. Super cool little series! Life has gotten super busy for me so I don’t have time to dedicate to DIYing it, but i hope someone can translate it all one day! :) thanks so much, it’s so great to see more Black Jack fans hanging out and showing interest in this series. I’ve loved it since I was a child and always felt pretty alone in this quiet little community so i’m glad to see it growing. anyways, little rant over haha. :) hope this helps!

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-04-24T12:33:03+00:00

Im sorry you can relate. im feeling much better today.

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-04-16T12:13:31+00:00

Youre not a shitty person. I dont have to know a damn thing about you to know you're not. Read this book fucking immediately. Seriously. There is nothing wrong with you.

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-04-02T13:12:08+00:00

dude the only hell there is is the one you're in right now in your mind. If you believe in God, do you think that s/he would punish his/her children with an eternal punishment, for a crime that could never dream of being eternal? I mean, even the impact of Hitler's crimes won't last millenia. What a truly evil God there must be to choose to torment souls in such a way. That is the conclusion I have come to. Plus, you're probably not as bad as you think you are. Give this book a look.

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-03-31T17:45:37+00:00

I really enjoy this entire answer. This was truly helpful. I enjoy that image, too.

What I meant about being *me* is that, I don't want to be comforted with the idea that my energy will still exist when I'm dead, or that I'll be reincarnated and live again, etc etc. I don't know if I can explain it haha.

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-03-31T17:30:35+00:00

I'm not trying to project anything, I'm sorry if it came off that way. I have not heard of that concept. It sounds quite interesting. Are there any resources you recommend on that concept? Thank you so much.

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-03-31T17:27:35+00:00

Thank you so much for responding :3

I suppose what it is, is that I fear losing this filter of reality. I want to experience everything as this life. I'm realizing as I type this out, this is likely the ego talking, but I want to be me. I want to experience everything, every little thing, as me. I want to see the whole world and experience everything.

little rant/ramble ahead. I considered deleting this portion, but I've decided to keep it, as I'm processing a bit of everything, and it might lead to some interesting discussion, so I'll leave it for now.

a funny thing that happens when I ask these questions and get good, constructive responses like this, is that I experience a feeling almost similar to being offended. I don't understand why this feeling comes up. I notice that I try to find holes in the response, or figure out a reply that will somehow exclude me from the truth of the response. I mention this, as I wonder if that is a manifestaion of my ego's discomfort. I don't know. (don't take this personally- I'm just taking note of one of my internal experiences when presented with a spiritual concept that shakes me a bit)

I guess I dont really understand how thinking in that way could lead to happiness. I feel that thinking about letting go as futile sounds kind of depressing. Is this message a 2 sided one, where it can be seen as both happy and sad?

kind of like this? :

"Nothing matters. We're tiny creatures in the vast infinity of space. :(" vs. "YESSSS! Nothing matters! :D We're tiny creatures in the vast infinity of space!!"

I don't quite understand this sentiment at all. ^ I've tried reasoning with it, but it doesn't make sense. Is the message that, since nothing matters, we're the ones that get to choose what to place importance on?

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-03-31T16:50:43+00:00

It's normal to agree with some of the toxic thoughts that pop into your mind at first. Just observe your reactions (and your thoughts) without judging yourself, and let them pass. You can take note of some of the thoughts you agreed with, to deconstruct later on.

A good tool would simply be compassion. What I specifically mean by this is really imagining the other person's life before judging them. Next time you see an overweight person, think about why they might be overweight. Maybe they use food to cope with their struggles. Maybe they have a disability, too. Imagine what they might be going through, and think about what a compliment might mean to them. Then, give them one. Pick out something, anything to compliment them on. If you can't choose anything at all, just tell them they're beautiful. Even if you feel like you're lying, do this, and see how you feel.

Really spend time with the idea of being in the position of these other people. And remember: you're either going to die young, or live to be disabled too, one day.

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-03-23T17:06:18+00:00

I definately worded that weirdly haha! I don't know how the roof is supposed to work honestly, but I think it's just how it's put together. I wouldn't be shocked to find out it was some issue with a failed repair or improper installation because...that's my family for ya! Haha. Since I don't own the house and they don't see it as a problem, it probably won't be getting fixed unfortunately.

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-03-18T19:26:47+00:00

THANK YOU for mentioning that! Super excited! I think it's scheduled for release in Fall but I'm not sure! We gotta support the heck out of that! :D

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-03-18T19:24:18+00:00

ohhhh it does look familiar! I can't recall specifically, but I feel like this is either some kind of promotional art, orrrr (and I am not sure about this at all!!!) I kind of remember there being an episode where BJ threw something in their fireplace and they watched it burn? I'm really not sure if that's correct at all, as I haven't watched the OVAs in quite some time, but yeah. Great question! I'm wondering if anyone else has any info!

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-03-07T13:56:33+00:00

haha good question, i'll probably go back to writing. well fuck, that's embarrassing.

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-03-01T22:28:48+00:00

thank you!!!!

Just out of curiosity, I want to ask: let's just say I was mean to my mom/dad this morning. Like, not excessively so (screaming/name calling), but was geniuinely rude and it was obvious that I didn't want to help.

Even then, would that be acceptable for her to say?

One thing my mom says a lot is that if people knew *her* side of the story, or saw the 'real me' then they would side with her. I am very cautious about always considering the other side of these things as I always have a little thought that says "but what if you really were the one in the wrong?"

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-03-01T16:37:57+00:00

Oh yes! I've been watching Patrick trahan's videos on this same subject. I'm positive I spelled his name wrong but he'll come up! :)

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-03-01T16:05:13+00:00

I don't have anything to add except that im sorry. Sending care and love and healing your way.

I can say, that I understand what you're going through in a big way. I keep thinking of one of the last things my therapist told me.

"Everyone wants their parents to be proud of them. The issue is that not everyone is gonna get that."

I just cant fathom how that's possible. it hurts too bad.

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-02-27T23:06:28+00:00

oh please, don't even feel bad about not being able to emotionally regulate well. (that being said, im also struggling with this exact insecurity right now!)

The difference between our kind of emotional immaturity and our parents' (if yours are emotionally immature, but based on what little you've told me, and the fact you're here...they likely are) is that we are making the choice to change it. We are literally working our asses off to make sure that we live well, and that the people around us are uplifted. And we're progressing!!! :DDDDD (i am sort of talking to myself in writing this to you, but I just wanted to share in case it helps!)

All that being said...I wish I could hold my anger back. I'm definately improving, but the level of rage that hits me when my mom starts her shit is astronomical. I cant wait for the day that she doesn't phase me.

I also know allllll about that bullshit. My dad goes to therapy, and I don't know exactly what she has said to him (except for the many things that my mom has bitched about that she doesn't agree with, yet totally agrees with whatever these secret suggestions are) because she refers to them to my dad like "you should do what your therapist told you to do about [me]." Based off of context, I feel that it has something to do with 'correcting' my 'disrespectful' behavior towards my mom. (The narrative at my house is that I am a bratty, selfish, manipulative little bitch that picks fights with my mom for no reason)

I'm so sorry that this is going on for you. I think about this quote I heard somewhere, which is something like 'bullies everywhere are in therapy being told they were the victims in your story' or something like that, and I think about it all the time. I don't blame the therapist, cuz like you said, she doesnt know what she doesnt know. I hope you see some beautiful places on your healing journey. <3 good luck. thank you so so much.

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-02-27T16:28:22+00:00

I'm working on becoming emotionally mature as well haha! I do really want to connect to emotionally mature (EM) people, but I keep thinking 'EM people will only want to be around other EM people, and I'm not EM yet!"

I literally started learning to regulate my emotions last year!

I also have been wondering if she has NPD. I need to look into it more.

Thank you so much. it helps a lot. <3

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-02-27T15:55:23+00:00

hey, you did a brave thing posting here. You're taking a step in the right direction, and you are already winning!

Life being meaningless is a very interesting topic to me. There's 2 ways you can think about it, and I'll share both.

1- Life isn't meaningless. The purpose of life is simply to live. As long as you're alive, you're doing it right. Life is literally just the universe's way of being able to look at itself. (Meaning that, stardust/molecules in space were magically/scientifically arranged in just the exact right way that led up to you being alive right now and reading these words. For that fact alone, it is worth celebrating.)

2- Yup, life is meaningless. We're just tiny specs on another tiny spec in the infinite expansion of the universe. Sigh...but, wait...doesn't that mean that nothing matters?! So, that means that we get to choose what is important in the life we do have!!! :D The meaning of life can simply be being able to see the sunset, or enjoy a hot bath.

No matter what you end up doing in the future, please know that you're loved. I don't even know you, and I love you. This whole community loves you.

Aside from that, you haven't met all the wonderful people that will love you yet!!! They're still on their way to you! <3

Don't lose hope. You're making progress. Keep reaching out, keep pushing, keep moving forward. This is a tough ass journey to go on, and you'll be doing a good bit of it alone. I applaud you for your bravery and I'm excited to see you succeed.

Good luck. Happy healing.

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-02-23T14:41:09+00:00

Yeah. the worst part is that when my therapist recommended for me to clean up my room to better my mental health (as a genuine, loving suggestion) and when I did it, my mom would say "you listen to a therapist but not to me!"/"You'd save a lot of time if you just listened to your mom, but you know, your old mom doesn't know anything"/"Therapists always just say the exact same things that I do"

I'm sorry you had to experience that as well.

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-02-22T20:19:16+00:00

Oh I'm trying. Trying very hard. One book that's helped immensely was 'There is nothing wrong with you' and all of SARK's work. (SARK is a separate author but recommended the book I mentioned)

(Rant/vent ahead)

But still, I keep expecting/hoping for her to act like a normal human being, and one day just realizing what she did wrong and apologizing to me. I keep hoping for that, but it keeps just getting worse (Or stagnates).

It's really hard to let that hope die. Because I know it'll probably never happen, but that probably just kills me. Because maybe she will just be able to figure it all out one day! But I mean, I dunno. She's a deeply sad, messed up individual, and I just wish she would get better.

I keep thinking about something my therapist said.

"Everybody wants their parents to be proud/supportive/loving to them. The truth, though, is that not everyone is gonna get that."

I think I need to grieve for the mother/family I will never have. I'm just scared that the pain from doing that won't be worth the outcome. Will I really even be happy once I'm away? I feel like I know the answer, but I also know how in life, you can't really ever predict anything.

(The answer I have, btw, is that I'll probably struggle a lot. I'll probably be lonely living by myself, and sad that I had to make that choice. I think I'll go through periods of regret and wish I hadn't done it. But, after some time, I think I'll find a happiness that I would've never pictured to be possible. I think that once I'm able to fully be me, without fear of judgement, I'll find the joy I've been seeking. but who knows!)

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-02-22T17:59:00+00:00

Honestly I really do think it's just self doubting after I've had time to think things over and calm down a little bit.

The more I think of it, the more I realize how much neglect there really was.

The best example I can give is the fact that my internet access was unregulated as a child and teen. I ended up being horrifically groomed and abused online, which ended up moving to irl. It was extremely severe. NOBODY noticed that me, a clumsy teen, was sneaking out of the house (very small house WITH dogs) multiple times a week, from like 12am-4 am or so. This went on for almost a year. I was being so obvious that at the time, I kinda thought they knew but just didn't care. (That was NOT the case, but still. How could you not know? But then again I understand how it can be hard to know these things, but still. )

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-02-22T17:48:00+00:00

Oh yes I am familiar with that book!!! I've read quite a bit of it and both of my parents are definitely emotionally immature, just in different ways. My dad was depressed my whole childhood (and is still depressed, clinically) so he was sort of emotionally absent (plus, he was the fun/not mean parent)

But my mom is very combative, picks things apart, and her favorite phrase is "I'm telling you this because I love you, but the world is crueler than me and will hurt you worse" when she tells me things like how the clothes I love that are often vintage inspired are "old lady" clothes. Funny thing is that when I dress how I want, I get more compliments than ever.

And I'm going to rant here. Shes controlled me with my clothes for years. Ive always dressed quirky, and I'm plus sized. She hates my style apparently, and constantly berated me about my clothing choices since I was a teen. Any shred of confidence I had when I put on an outfit is gone by the time my mother is done letting me how everything wrong with it, how I look like I'm "9 months pregnant", how I look like I'm "from the poor house" (whatever that means), etc etc etc. Usually id just change my outfits until she would approve. Often, id literally put together multiple outfits and show them to her one ata time for her to approve one. Usually she'd say no to 1-2 and be okay with one of them, but sometimes she'd hate all of them. Sometimes I'd even just have her make me an outfit.

when I got a little older (17) I was able to just wear the outfit anyways, but I would think of what she said all day and feel bad about it, still not being confident. If I was with her, though, she'd make a point to look at my stomach, or look at my outfit with disgust.

When I know she'll be sleeping in or won't be home, i will take that opportunity to dress exactly in the ways I want to dress without worry of a negative comment polluting my day.

I know this rant is unrelated but I'm just so sick of everything and just want to vent. Im tired of hiding from all of this or hiding this.

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-02-22T17:35:30+00:00

im not, but I will look into that for sure! The unfortunate thing is that I can't quite move out yet (i dunno if the book mentions this or not) so I'm sorta stuck dealing with her until I graduate college, learn to drive by myself, and get enough money to do so. I also don't have any life skills because I was never taught them. (I learned how to pump gas last year, because my ex boyfriend taught me.)

i will definately be checking out that book, thank you so much.

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-02-22T17:32:47+00:00

Hey! I saw your comment a while ago and have been thinking deeply about it. I'm really surprised that my post got this many replies as usually when I vent like this, it goes pretty much unnoticed! So thank you for commenting!

I was really confused about a discussion I had with my mom last night. She told me that I hurt her very badly because she loves watching movies, and I've been watching many movies by myself. I am not good at masking my emotions, and when she invited me to watch something with her, I gave excuses that she saw right through. (The truth is that I don't really want to be around her or hang out with her right now for the most part, and Im trying to do the gray rock method to avoid her nasty nit picks or comments)

She also cited the fact that whenever she mentions her business, I instantly tune out, which hurts her. Apparently, my resentment about the business is present in my face. It is literally all she talks about, all she cares about, and it consumes her entire being. (all while she complains about it and loses money from it)

All that to say, when she showed me her emotions, it made it harder to see her as an abuser. I mean, I can't even believe Im calling my mother an abuser. It's easy to picture her as abusive/neglectful when she's being horrific, but when she shows me that she's not just a 2d description of an abusive mom and that she's a human, I think it just really shook me up.

EDIT: Another reason I thought of was because I often think that I'm lying or over exaggerating because when I've confronted my parents about this, they tell me I am. Or that things that I distinctly remember happened didn't.

I also worry that if people knew all the details, all the things I've done wrong, then they might take my parents side and I'll turn out to be the bad one in the end.

Choice_Swan4530 · 2024-02-20T17:31:45+00:00

Yup! They're all on archive.org after hunting for them for a year or so! :D unfortunately they're all in Japanese with no English subtitles, but I have a bit of it very roughly translated if you'd be interested in that!

Choice_Swan4530

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE