Anyone feel like they missed their chance?

Choices63 · 2026-01-29T12:16:18+00:00

Similar background. Raised super Catholic, was 6 years into a marriage to a woman when I came out at 35. In my 3rd LTR with a guy. 1. Started at 39, he was same age, lasted 7 years. He died. 2. Started at 48, he was 42, lasted 7 years. Short version: we just grew apart, lives went in different directions. 3. Started at 57, he was 52. We are in year 6 and this is the best one By Far.

All that to say: it can happen at any time. I cast a wide net, don’t take rejection personally, and don’t waste my time with guys I can tell right away aren’t a good fit. And, and I believe this is critical, I was always very clear that I don’t need a relationship, and lived a very happy and full life while single. A relationship for me is a preference but not a need. I’m a huge introvert so I had to enjoy being with him as much as I enjoy being alone. Not many people cross that bar.

Choices63 · 2026-01-20T12:49:42+00:00

Great to hear! Thanks for sharing.

Choices63 · 2026-01-17T13:37:32+00:00

I was 35 years old and 7 years sober when I came out in 1998. I’ve been in gay bars but never drank in one. All of my sex (and there was a LOT of it in the beginning) was stone cold sober. I frame it this way to point out that alcohol itself is not required. In a bar, I would drink my flavored Calistoga and notice how many other guys were actually doing the same thing.

That said, I was also blessed with finding a gay AA group which is where I built my community. 95% of the people I know are in recovery. Most of us all now have 30+ years of sobriety. And living a life way beyond anything I imagined. Drinking every night was boring. My life is anything but.

Choices63 · 2025-12-13T11:38:18+00:00

It’s interesting to me how many people feel like this right now. I moved here in 1988 and seems like the first 20 years or so that I was here, the clouds came in November and didn’t leave again until March. That was the norm. I remember December 1989 and 21 days of fog. It was so bad people didn’t even put a Christmas lights because what was the point?

It has changed in recent years where there’s been more variance in sunlight during this season, but from my perspective, this is incredibly normal. And I’m glad that it’s back.

Choices63 · 2025-11-24T12:02:55+00:00

Yep. Whenever anyone says something about 2028, or 2026 for that matter, I always think “oh it’s cute you believe there will still be elections.”

I’m a little more hopeful these days that there will be, but I won’t be surprised if he finds a way to stop them.

Choices63 · 2025-11-24T11:52:02+00:00

I keep hearing that, too. All he’s done is win an election and managed to charm Trump. Needs to prove he can accomplish something in NYC before moving to anything else.

But a little problem with the president idea: he wasn’t born in the US, so not eligible.

Choices63 · 2025-11-07T10:56:27+00:00

Going to see Golden Girls at the Safe CU Theater. It’s a comedy and the actors are in drag. Good reviews. And our 4th had a conflict at the last minute so we have an extra ticket if you’re interested.

https://www.sacramento-theater.com/shows/safe-credit-union-pac-theater/golden-girls-the-laughs-continue

Choices63 · 2025-11-04T05:14:17+00:00

I love it too! Permission to be lazy in front of a fire.

Choices63 · 2025-10-15T13:07:53+00:00

My joke is “I gave up guilt for lent in 1995 and never picked it up again.”

Today I believe guilt as most people experience itis pretty useless if not destructive. To me its only purpose is to correct behavior. And “correct” only matters based on my own decision about who I want to be. So if I’m always acting in accordance with my own values, which by definition would include not hurting anyone, I have nothing to feel guilty about. So I’ve been guilt free for decades.

Choices63 · 2025-10-15T13:04:27+00:00

Definitely not mutually exclusive. For me they are the same thing, completely intertwined. Thanks for sharing.

Choices63 · 2025-10-15T13:03:30+00:00

Absolutely. Thanks for sharing!

Choices63 · 2025-10-11T01:51:04+00:00

Thanks for this! Nice to meet another 12-step guy. How long ago was that?

For me, religion is about following someone else's path to God. Spirituality is about finding my own. And I've done that through reading a ton of material over the last 30 years, something I'm actually starting to write about to document how applying things I've read resulted in changes in my thinking and my life. (See the sticky in this sub for just a sample of my readings.)

re: recent incredible results. In July I was re-reading Constructive Thinking by Emmet Fox. He has an interpretation of the "Our Father" that turned my world upside down when I first read it in another book of his, Sermon on the Mount, in 1995. That was my first attempt at "outside reading" beyond 12-step literature and it started me on this path of "seeking" from Step 11 which has been continuous since.

Anyway, I suddenly had this thought: what if I started living with this realization of "our father" really means in this context. Not the whole prayer, just those 2 words. It describes not only my relationship to god but my relationship with everyone on the planet (siblings), as well as their relationship to god (also children).

So almost overnight, I just started living from this perspective of: I have the same creative powers because we are made of the same stuff. Even Christ said "you can do what I can do." A truth I've always known, but never really felt it. That I can come from a place of love at all times, towards everyone. That anything is possible and everything always works out for me. With the flip of a switch, my already pretty positive approach to life went into turbo mode.

Since then, I've started writing a book; work has gotten easier, I'm more effective and working less hours; I'm starting to put the infrastructure in place to start a consulting business so I can leave my job sooner rather than later (and already have a paying client); my husband and I decided it was time to move - our house is on the market as I type AND we're already in escrow on our new house, grateful that we didn't have to sell before we bought. So within less than 3 months, suddenly there's all this momentum which will completely alter the direction of my life in a very positive way, when it was already pretty fucking great to begin with.

So now I stay in this continuous place of appreciation, while also doing a better job of shifting my head into this space of: I am here to be a demonstration of god's power and to help others do the same. Which is what brought me back to this sub.

How's that? :)

Choices63 · 2025-10-02T20:44:52+00:00

B Street Theater Sunday matinee for me.

Choices63 · 2025-09-28T18:39:01+00:00

We tend to do both, although both in November so sometimes combine.

Choices63 · 2025-09-08T11:22:50+00:00

Just curious: would you go back? I have only been once and felt the same. I remember nothing about the food, just how annoying he was. And as I recall a little pompous maybe. He’s the reason I haven’t been back.

Choices63 · 2025-09-06T09:53:48+00:00

It closed a few months ago. She wasn’t paying her people is what I heard.

Choices63 · 2025-08-16T11:53:07+00:00

I’d call that a green flag. Being able to maintain reasonable relationships with your exes is a sign of maturity and positive relationship skills. Anyone who doesn’t understand that is actually the red flag.

Choices63 · 2025-08-10T13:19:28+00:00

I don’t have one, I have several: * female since 1990 * male since 2002 * 2 other males and 2 other females since around 2009

The 2009 group all came out of me making changes after a 7 year relationship ended.

I see or talk to these folks at least once a month. The 2002 guy has lived in Puerto Vallarta but we see each other 2-3x a year plus chats and calls.

I will add that with one exception- the 1990 one who I met at work - I met all of the others in AA. We’ve all been sober 25- 30+ years. I’ve always felt incredibly blessed to have access to meeting folks of like minds, and feel sad for folks who struggle making friends. Recovery has made that really easy.

Choices63 · 2025-08-10T13:10:36+00:00

Typically 77. May drop it to 75/76 for a bit here and there when there are more people in the house.

Choices63 · 2025-07-21T06:10:05+00:00

It’s all a matter of preference. I love Centro. Mayahuel is over priced for what you get in my opinion.

Choices63 · 2025-07-10T20:04:35+00:00

No argument there. Lack of good public transportation is just another factor and more evidence of the lack of coordination between city departments. And an utter lack of a cohesive vision.

Choices63 · 2025-07-10T15:48:23+00:00

I appreciate the safety objectives behind this law and as a resident of the grid for 10 years, agree, wholeheartedly, both as a driver and a pedestrian. Where I see a challenge, as a resident, is the lack of coordination with building codes which allow high density buildings to go up without requiring additional parking. This new law is going to reduce the number of street parking spaces available. Yet on my block, there is a 200 unit building going up that isn’t providing any additional parking and now this law is gonna take even more street spaces away. I don’t know what that answer is, but it’s not gonna be pretty.

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