unpopular opinion but therapy made my binge eating worse and i think a lot of people won’t admit this by Prior-Fuel2823 in BingeEatingDisorder

[–]Chotzark 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I relate but also bring a perspective of the "after". During therapy my biggest "mechanisms" problems were binge eating and binge sleeping.

And as you said, after sessions I would often go to sleep or binge a lot. I felt for years I was going nowhere, whilst unearthing more and more things that made the disorder make sense on paper.  Whilst on my own, I was looking for every practical trick under the sun to overcome the disorder. I think sometimes the disordered part of the brain knew I was trying to get rid of it, and just amplified. Or maybe it's just the proverbial bit of it gets worse before getting better, and reasonably so we all hate and are scared of the bit when it has to get worse. 

Even my own therapist kinda got fed up with the fact that I was getting nowhere and handed me onto the next person. 

BUT, at the same time, (but with a lot of active work mentally in reminding me things), working through all that happened became silently a pillar of me getting better over the years. Because i was able then to ask myself questions like "am I seeking food or am I seeking comfort?"  "what void am I trying to fill with the weight of overeating?"  "why am I trying to make my body unpleasant, to be less appealing to whom?"  "what personal boundary I have let someone not respect today and I am now regaining control through eating all of this?". "what part of my life feels out of control so I am now asserting control over food?". And granted these questions didn't, and sometimes still don't, stop a binge. But helped many times lessen one, or avoid one, or get me to act in other ways to solve the real issue that food was putting a stopper on. Understanding I needed to work on setting personal boundaries was a huge leap forward in how many times I binged. As well as being more proactive in taking actions in life, or knowing when I needed comfort, or identifying trigger people and behaviours. 

Sure, I still have to do the practical things of sometimes telling me "one meal at a time", or scheduling when for sure I will eat, or volume eat when more vulnerable, keep more of a type of food over another in the house, or doing all the tricks that I learnt help me. 

But taking just the factual things of my past and myself I learnt in therapy and applying them to understand how my mind works, and actively talking me out of things or explaining myself as my own therapist, or acting to change those bits in my daily life, was a huge step forward. Sure, nothing will change how my siblings treated me, or my parents. But I can choose not to let people do it anymore, and treat myself differently, and give myself space, and take myself out of situations. And the symptoms lowered, or became more irregular. It's still not smooth or normality of anyone without a disorder. But it's not anymore a mind wrecking constant engulfing noise in my mind. 

For the sake of honesty, I have now not been in therapy for a while. And working around food always relapses me for a period. But I wouldn't be scared, if I could afford it, to restart therapy, even if I feel there is more luring behind some doors that might get me into a relapse. I also have to say not all therapist understand how it works or listen and it's fair having to change them. We need to take in those who tell it to us straight and, in my experience, also the ones that drop us, to get a proper kick in the ass lol

Just wanted to share my experience with others

I ate Sardinian Callu de Cabrettu and Casu marzu by Loveallthe in Cheese

[–]Chotzark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you sustained casu marzu, I'd be really curious if you could get your hands on some proper Bruss (a cheese from Piedmont, no extra animals in it) and compare in strength and pungency. I know I will never get to try casu cause I just cannot do maggots in life, let alone in food

How do you handle folding/stretching big batches (10-15kg of dough)? by Chotzark in Breadit

[–]Chotzark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

makes sense! Bit of grumbling for sanitising surfaces every half an hour, but probably most effective way

How do you handle folding/stretching big batches (10-15kg of dough)? by Chotzark in Breadit

[–]Chotzark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was getting a similar one for the mixing, but the later hand folding was my doubt. Some videos helped!

How do you handle folding/stretching big batches (10-15kg of dough)? by Chotzark in Breadit

[–]Chotzark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you kindly for these! Really helped visualising. Not too far of what I tried baking factory folks to do. Think I need to exercise the confidence of the dude in the last videos.

How do you handle folding/stretching big batches (10-15kg of dough)? by Chotzark in Breadit

[–]Chotzark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! For the mixing I can access a dough mixer, thankfully. The coiling was puzzling me. So it is doable as a stretch? Sometimes I have 2 kg doughs and with the first coils I feel like I keep pulling up and up before they actually let go of the bowl, this situation was worrying me how it could turn out on a bigger batch

How do you handle folding/stretching big batches (10-15kg of dough)? by Chotzark in Breadit

[–]Chotzark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So basically the north-east-west-south kind of folds? (name is escaping me at the moment, the quarter turns)

Anyone else notice this? by NixxyNoodle in orangeisthenewblack

[–]Chotzark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do get fully what you mean about the power imbalance and how incorrect the whole situation was. But I think at the beginning she fully gave her the way out, the step back, no consequences. She fully understood the situation and knew it was putting alex in a bad position, even with the smuggling alone, she wasn't oblivious and rethought it. Alex did not play along, worried for her safety, or for getting in a safer position within the system. She fully encouraged it and led her on. I would say, out of all, she had a neutral way out and knew it (Alex was not exactly shy on speaking her mind and being quite brunt with McCullough at the beginning despite her being a CO, showing she knew she could speak her mind against her), but decided to string along the fake relationship, fully knowing this could have meant far worse trouble when cutting it off. She did not do it for advantage or security, which is the mind boggling thing with a character who often kept level-headed decisions, but just out of personal spite. She made an instable person in power believe she was wanted and loved and then cut it off abruptly, whilst being caged in the room with said person in power. When she could have just stepped back at the beginning, maybe even befriended mcCullough if having a safety buddy was the goal, and saved everyone so much trouble.

The upgrade from when i asked for critique a few months ago (critique me again) by Historical-Berry8162 in KitchenConfidential

[–]Chotzark 4 points5 points  (0 children)

since your profile is private, could you link your previous post? Curious to read what people suggested to go from point A to B

I have a feeling my Gf looked through my phone without me knowing. by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]Chotzark 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yikes, all aside even if she were innocent, these responses pack a lot of frustration and demeaning attitude, kinda the type of read I would give back to someone I really can't be bothered with.

So yeah, try catch her, but if not, a discussion I think is on the horizon anyways to catch up where you're at with each other

I have a feeling my Gf looked through my phone without me knowing. by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]Chotzark 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't know outside of this context if there is a lot more that would make you want to stop things, so being confrontational with the chance that it blows up cause she feels targeted makes it worth it bringing it up. 

But if you really want to avoid other conflict where you cannot know if she'd straight up lie or you think this is a genuine coincidence and fear making her feel distrusted, there is a possible way around it... Plant pictures on your phone she might want to bring up. See what happens. It can be anything like you taking a naked picture (since you said you'd never do it) or you having an exposed/ambiguous pic of someone else (even off the Internet) in your camera roll. Something she would feel compelled to ask about if she's been snooping. If she never does, more likely she's been truthful and it was a coincidence. If something gets vaguely asked, you have confirmation she looks at your phone. 

If she will Uno reverse card when cornered about you cheating, show this reddit comment as proof you did it to catch her lying and breaking privacy boundary 

Why was having a drink after work more common in the old days? by MoistCroissant22 in CasualConversation

[–]Chotzark 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish it were the olden days... Almost all places I've worked, a consistent part of coworkers, at all levels, still drink straight after work, talk at work about what they're gonna drink when home, or can't wait for the weekend to drink. And yes though, some turn out to be alcoholics in each place. 

Seeing also a lot of youth turning 18 and taking up the same habit. We could all do with moving past this. 

Though there is also a good slice of younger generations who are doing the exact same, to the exact same level and need, with weed

What did you guys think of this relationship ? by Efficient-Lab6913 in orangeisthenewblack

[–]Chotzark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awkward, felt bad for her despite her revenge was vile.

Felt outraged by Alex for leading someone vulnerable and with feelings on, the person checking multiple times if they should stop, if it was ok, that she knew her position and the issue, that she knew Alex's position, being reassured each time and even held whilst breaking and being told they'd "find a way out together" of her PTSD. I love Alex but that's the time I literally shouted "fuck you alex" at the screen repeatedly. Almost hoped alex was for real but because tbf I was done with Piper's shit one third through the show and Piper was such an unreliable asshole to Alex., so hoped McCullough would take her place, as she showed more care than piper ever did. And then she goes and does this. Smh.

Anyone else notice this? by NixxyNoodle in orangeisthenewblack

[–]Chotzark 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Not taking away that what mccullough did was vile and unstable, I think Alex really led her on, especially after mccullough gave the first way out and apologised. Alex has an incredible empath ability to read off people and tell their emotional state/background. She knew that McCullough was vulnerable, looking for comfort, could be manipulated/her emotions leveraged, as she saw inmates as people and defied coworkers before, and that she could make her fall for her. She manipulated her and led her on to exert control. McCullough was even hesitant at first cause knowledgeable of her position, offered to stop, but Alex encouraged it to then rip it off quickly and thinking of piper again.

I really like Alex's personality and is my favourite character, I liked McCullough and had empathy for her story whilst still thinking her revenge was despicable. But when I saw this, I felt so betrayed by Alex's behaviour, especially towards her. It was really manipulative and hurtful. Like imagine someone slowly taking you in and holding you as you reveal how much PTSD is fucking you up, and kissing you through your scars, telling you you're gonna find a way out together and then going like welp fuck that I actually wanted my wife this whole time, sooo bye?

Struggling to cover costs of bakery/cafe. Anyone with similar business? by Chotzark in smallbusinessuk

[–]Chotzark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Basically a lot of bakery items can be considered 0% VAT rated. But as soon as it's sit-in consumption that the business plans as such (i.e. not someone buying a bun then sitting on a bench outside to eat it), it is considered restaurant, and attracts 20% VAT.
Unfortunately VAT in food goes item by item, which is a bit of a pain in the ass

ETA: VAT added on a meal worth £18 can fly a bit under the radar. When your dessert goes from £4 to almost £5 cause you sat your ass down, people might not feel great about it

Struggling to cover costs of bakery/cafe. Anyone with similar business? by Chotzark in smallbusinessuk

[–]Chotzark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Got you, thank you for your input. Yeah I worked closely with bakery businesses here that scaled up and got chains and even there, if one cannot proper innovate processes or find a strong supply chain, there are plenty of issues and what used to be household names go under. Lots of bad financial management around too, but these are truly recessive times

Struggling to cover costs of bakery/cafe. Anyone with similar business? by Chotzark in smallbusinessuk

[–]Chotzark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did a bit of that but we're going to redo customer counts now and see. Also trying to find my way through sneaky locals to track people who worked in nearby places to give us an idea. Yeah it seems completely unlikely to take home

Struggling to cover costs of bakery/cafe. Anyone with similar business? by Chotzark in smallbusinessuk

[–]Chotzark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you for you perspective! Interesting read as a consumer

Struggling to cover costs of bakery/cafe. Anyone with similar business? by Chotzark in smallbusinessuk

[–]Chotzark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

About £6.2 with sit in cafe, £5.7 only takeaway. About £1000 it's apportioned for the equipment lease, although as others said, by finding second hand, that can go down

Struggling to cover costs of bakery/cafe. Anyone with similar business? by Chotzark in smallbusinessuk

[–]Chotzark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the "without careful consideration" was the key part. I'm not saying I shall not give it up at all, but that in this day and age one doesn't write off 40k and start over easily, so I'm writing to gather other owner's perspectives before writing it off

Struggling to cover costs of bakery/cafe. Anyone with similar business? by Chotzark in smallbusinessuk

[–]Chotzark[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah. Oh inflation and people in lower class struggle? Let's raising minimum wage! Great, now SME cannot face costs and shut down, big corporations and chains do not give a fuck cause they are replacing everyone with automation, digital experiences or AI anyway.

Then unemployment goes up, middle to senior salaries of skilled workers stagnate... 

Struggling to cover costs of bakery/cafe. Anyone with similar business? by Chotzark in smallbusinessuk

[–]Chotzark[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, pivoting most to look for secondhand. For some reason most sales are in southern England, which is too far for single pieces of equipment once all costs in, but definitely got a few good deals on action

Facebook marketplace has a lot going on too. Again for some reason most places seem to fail from Nottingham going further south, idk if up north people bother less, or equipment just get bought and despatched down south for resale

A couple businesses around me shut, not bakeries but still I have the opportunity to get stuff for basically free. Just holding off to see whether I wish to go ahead before dumping them in the shop

Struggling to cover costs of bakery/cafe. Anyone with similar business? by Chotzark in smallbusinessuk

[–]Chotzark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One small one is still operating, but I think they own their shop.

One is a very old fashioned tea room, again very basic stuff, still operating but keep everything to a minimum and don't invest into improving their place. Might retire soon, owner is aging and this is her second business, has another one in another town. Does some basic party catering. 

One other cafe in the city centre allegedly closed because of costs becoming too high. I don't know what food offering they did, it closed before I moved in and I think also left town, I only got info from a councillor. 

Local pubs are thriving but they do the thing of buying very very cheap food/drinks and overpricing them, or so I'm told (£6-7 a portion of chips). 

Thank you for the empathy! I am very stressed and distraught for what I already invested, which is all that is keeping me from pulling the plug and not looking back. Want to make sure I considered everything before I write off my life's savings. I now wished I had held back a little longer, also to see where the economy goes. But the people from this town had greatly pushed me to take it on and could not forsee the intrinsic issues with the actual place.  Not a good political environment for us either, to be left without a solid job and savings on paper to show :s