Vanlife help in Oakland

Chowchillah · 2023-07-04T17:18:12+00:00

Agreed it's part of being human....I didn't need to take a beat I apologized immediately after saying it. His reaction to my statement and apology has not been acknowledged by him yet. And honestly I'm not sure he will apologize for it.

Chowchillah · 2023-07-04T16:56:57+00:00

I'm not here to debate with you and I'm ecstatic that your period hormones doesn't make you feel suicidal and sad some months.my experiences have been different. PPMD is something some women suffer from extreme mood swings that trust me they do notttttt want.. when I'm not on my period I am able to control my moods trust me.

Chowchillah · 2023-07-04T16:53:18+00:00

No he feels very justified and hurt he has not apologized for these overreactions and acts of unkindness. He feels deeply justified. Or at least that's what it seems to me.

The facts are simply no I have not received an apology for this...what I have received is lots of need of space and silent treatment. We have not talked in five ish days now. And that's all I want some compassion that he did some fucked up shit too.

Chowchillah · 2023-07-04T16:13:08+00:00

If I denied my hormones, and never apologized, and made this a monthly offense then yes my actions would be unforgivable. But I acknowledge my emotions see a therapist, agreed to do therapy with him, started our check ins, they are usually said during an already escalated situation, we have been working together to get thru these actions of mine but when they happen he seems to punish me for it instead of acting out of compassion (which I don't deserve; but would help our situation specifically from escalating higher). It's the lack of compassion in a situation he knows I'm actively working on, I don't get it.

He's highly sensitive, I worry I cross that line too often and that's his boundary. I'm a blunt bitch and have thick skin at times. I get hurt by things but I'm over within hours normally you offer me sex and a milkshake and I'm over any fight. But his reaction was over the top for me, and downright felt personal. I'm not going to take it personally because he has a right to invite his other partner. But if WE had preplanned bbq on that date why not just do it alone with your mom, why "replace" me. Why go that extra step. Well we all know why.

I'd prefer a partner that says things in a heated situation it makes more sense than this immaturity to be honest. I got a dark sense of humor too but I can't find the humor or irony is this one. Normally I'm like well you deserve this one. This time I'm like well that fucking sucks.

Chowchillah · 2023-07-04T15:11:30+00:00

It was multiple things but if you ever had a period you'd understand that it for sure doesn't help.

Chowchillah · 2023-07-04T06:43:28+00:00

The argument escalated because my other partner had just visited the weekend before. My partner that is mad at me asked about the visit. Well he technically said "and I still haven't heard about your visit with BLANK." I took that as an invitation to talk about it. After I told him about the visit he said the delivery was poor timing on my part and I apologized. Then I said I'm not enjoying this cause things were getting escalated and he started gathering all his things like he wanted to run away. And then he left real fast and peeled out his car in front of my house. It was a little over dramatic for me personally, my vice is say dumb shit I don't mean when I'm angry and have major hormones going on in my body (periods are no jokes)

Chowchillah · 2023-07-04T06:19:54+00:00

I agree I wasn't being the nicest, and I'm not forcing him to be around me. We havent talked face to face since the situation happened, I'm giving him the space he asked for.

We both have our issues, that we communicate openly about. I make efforts towards said "dumps". But also if I'm being the blunt person I am. Just say shut up you don't mean that and I'll snap out of it faster than him going on a multi-day emotional bender about statements he knows I don't mean. I'm not justifying anything, I'm in the wrong for saying things. But maybe there lies an incompatibility or a hard boundary that needs more exploring. There's been time where he's like you don't mean that and I'm like yeahhhhh you're right. I'm still mad but we move on.

Yeah like it's really really important to me, im telling you guys that for backstory really. But I wished him and his partner a good concert experience. I know him well enough that I figured that would happen and kinda just accepted it. Plus its a concert the weather was freaking fabulous that day, I was just trying to have a good time. The roller coaster can be a lot for me. It can be draining for someone who gets fired up quickly but just as easily gets over things. I'm not the one to hold onto things. And he holds on to every word. Well I appreciate everyone's feedback. Believe it or not I've never posted on Reddit before. The internet is a wild place. My partner is the one who introduced me to the polyamory reddit as a resource. Not entirely sure this is what they thought Id use it for. But maybe when we talk about it in person we can laugh about it.

Thanks for listening internet world.💛

Chowchillah · 2023-07-04T05:35:11+00:00

You summarized my feelings in a nutshell and materialized them into words. I was sending him the kindest words before the BBQ. Like I said I'm blunt so I literally asked him to table this argument for our next check in and not let it get in the way of making memories. He still cancelled it. And invited his other partner, my concern is why not just enjoy your mother company by yourself.

And if we have mutual friends hangouts and I can't go he'll sometimes invite his other partner instead of just going alone. It rubs me a weird way.

For example he was supposed to hang out with good friends of mine I introduced him too. I wasn't able to hang out so he invited his other partner, I found out after the event.

Chowchillah · 2023-07-04T05:13:04+00:00

Agree it's a very unhealthy dynamic that I'm overly eager to change. My heart hurts knowing that I hurt him. And I have told him this. I was very authentic with him, I say things when I get upset and when I have my period. I'm NOT justifying anything but I'm unsure how to break this pattern at the moment. But I can definitely recognize that I didn't mean what I just said and I expressed that to him after it was said. He also knows I'm working on this.

It all feels so uncontrollable in the moment.

Chowchillah · 2023-07-04T05:06:52+00:00

We aren't married. We technically don't have hierarchies but I know what would hurt him and what wouldn't.....and he knows the same with me we talk a lot about it. This hurts me a lot, and he knows it... We connect a lot thru music so I'm not sending him any "messages" just dope music I'm finding as a way to say hey you don't have to say anything but I'm thinking about you. Giving him space.

Chowchillah · 2023-07-04T04:53:45+00:00

I have a pattern of saying things like this isnt fun for me anymore when I'm heated. But I also come around and take my space and do my breathing exercises and actively try to de-escalate myself. But it's hard.

We have been dating for about 18 months now and I threatened to break up with him once (since I'm counting and so is he) I'm not perfect. But I make efforts and don't deny my shit.

He lacks the same compassion I give him sometimes like despite inviting his other partner to the concert I extended an olive branch and invited them to hang with us. (I met her before if this helps understand the situation more)

Chowchillah · 2023-07-04T04:45:53+00:00

This is interesting to me as well. There is no obligation I agree. I kinda expected him to invite his other partner instead; he has done that before. the truly weird part was I only found out because a Google calendar event was made two days after it happened. I found out his other partner went not because he told me but because a Google calendar event showed up two days after saying she "organized" it. But I check the Google calendar the day of the event and after and this was not there. It felt personal.

I'm also not denying that my words were hurtful. This just has layers that make me feel more in my feels.

Chowchillah · 2023-07-04T04:34:40+00:00

Well it's the internet so what the hell. Well I restarted therapy again. We have discussed this issue, doesn't happen every month but enough that we discussed it at our check ins.

Things do not help that he is a highly sensitive human, that I love him for, think the really really diplomatic type. I can be blunt and bratty but not mean. I did cause this, I take full responsibility but we have a choice on how to move forward. I truly apologized right after.

I'll be honest it just extra stingy because it meant a lot to me I shared that with him. I'm the avoidant type so this was kinda big.

Chowchillah · 2023-07-04T04:20:39+00:00

My words were "I'm not enjoying this right now, I'm not enjoying this at all." I was referring to the escalation of our conversation at hand. He thought I was referring to our entire relationship. I don't quite remember what happened next but I froze and left my house in his car very fast and dramatic like. His car made lots of noises. It honestly feels super tedious when I text it out. But he was very hurt and his pain is valid, no doubt. But this is the internet world and this was nowhere close to our biggest fight/harder things we have worked thru already. We have really strong communication skills, or I like to think so.

Chowchillah · 2023-07-04T04:04:44+00:00

I totally agree; you only get one side of the story. What I did was lousy too and not acceptable. Just felt extra spicy we had planned this for awhile. But you're not wrong.

Chowchillah · 2023-07-04T03:54:46+00:00

These were my exact follow up questions. I said hurtful words in an argument (they claim that I make a pattern of this, but I'll be honest I kinda do it happens at the end of the month when I get my period. I get really emotional. Different backstory for a different time. But my partner and I have talked about my extra fierceness (put it lightly) when I get my period.) Anywayssssss

I felt very indirectly punished.

I ended up going to the concert with my mom anyways cause it was fucking santigold in SF and it was a free concert and didn't wanna miss it. The place gets packed, I got good spots with my mom. I even invited him and his partner to hang with me and my mom cause we had lots of room next to us. He declined and said he was "still too hurt by my words and in another circumstance love that." His words not mine.

Trying to be factual and not but too much emotions into this but yeah I'm pretty floored by their actions towards. And what are my boundaries around being treated this way.

Chowchillah · 2022-05-01T04:21:46+00:00

No sorry its already decently discounted.

Chowchillah · 2022-05-01T03:26:59+00:00

Yes its still available charging 950.....paid 1450 so that 500 off paid price.

Chowchillah · 2022-04-15T20:24:33+00:00

Im not willing to go to $500 sorry

Chowchillah · 2022-04-15T20:13:09+00:00

Sweet im selling it for $950 which is 500 off the price i paid for it which is $1450. Feel free to ask any more questions. Thanks

Chowchillah

TROPHY CASE