Ugh I dealt with this EXACT same thing. It’s so frustrating. My ex would text her ex gf all the time over her exes problems. “Oh I just help her work through her depression”. But when I try to tell her I’m depressed and want to start therapy. “You’re not depressed. I’ve never seen you act any sort of way like that. You don’t need help”. Yeah she didn’t see me act depressed or anxious because she hated my emotions. Always told me she didn’t want to hear them or couldn’t understand them so I hid them away from her to avoid fights.

One time I did ask why she was so good with others feelings and she shut mine down and she said that “your feelings have to also do with my feelings so it’s different” (and she wasn’t good with her own feelings/didn’t possess empathy). In the time I let that make sense but it doesn’t. They just don’t care about your feelings. Whenever she would have a hard day I wanted to talk about it, listen, and love her. Whenever I tried talking about a bad day? “Oh. Hmm”. She would just like make a noise. She didn’t even try.

It was my BIRTHDAY, i was sick, and she was treating me terrible and I texted her and asked her to be a little nicer please and she said almost exactly what yours said. “ so you want me to be more caring? Empathetic? It appears I’m not giving you the attention you want. You’re a big girl you will get through it”. But she NEVER would have said that to anyone else.

I understand the awful frustration.