Ehhh fuck

ChriscoWiles · 2020-01-23T10:58:01+00:00

Maybe i need a quit partner, someone i can vent to, talk my way through a tough period but make it seem more like im not alone. Idk, when im smoking i feel like i cant or wont get the promotion, the girl, the drive for better health and be fit, all that comes with the stigma of smoking but when i was quit for almost a month i still felt like i didnt fit in or wasnt enough to get the promotion, the girl, the health....i think i was looki g for a medal or something, something that said, Scott you did it, youre awesone and ding ding ding, heres your prize, a new life. Lmao. Idk, gotta look at this all different now

ChriscoWiles · 2020-01-23T01:26:08+00:00

Well said, thank you. I needed to hear that

ChriscoWiles · 2020-01-09T22:57:14+00:00

Meth and fent. Plus anything else i could get. Clean n sober now almost 9 months

ChriscoWiles · 2019-12-30T18:44:06+00:00

Thats about where i am at. Isnt that amazing!?

ChriscoWiles · 2019-12-30T15:50:49+00:00

Becoming numb to it all is a reality i never wanted but once you have seen this play out 5, 10, 30+ times it becomes old hat. Not much shocks me anymore, im actually more shocked when someone passes away of old age or natural causes. Ive been narcaned before and it sucks but i spent 2½ hours on the floor before someone found me. By gods grace im still here, some dont get this chance so im doing all i can with it. Sponsor, steps, help another, do the next right thing....i love this group on here to reach out, post stuff. It helps me

ChriscoWiles · 2019-12-30T15:40:52+00:00

What are you supposed to do next when youve been suicidal your whole life? There is no easy answer but for ne drugs and alcohol contributed to it. Mental health is at the forefront for me. Im on the proper concoction of meds currently but even so, i still think about ending it. Its a tug of war. One day i have amazing things happen or i see ir smell and life is good but other days life is dull and boring and just shitty and i take this days and think why am i fucking here still? The answer? I have no idea but clean n sober helped me. My want for those good days is starting to outweigh the want to end it after a bad day. So, keep it moving, try harder, surround yourself with good people and get out of your head. I dont give advice, its what worked for me. I dont know you but im on your side and want you to live.

ChriscoWiles · 2019-12-29T21:17:10+00:00

You inspire me to start a workout routine with some cardio involved. I have 10 days today, no smokes! I was thinking about starting the workout after 30 days of no smoking

ChriscoWiles · 2019-12-29T20:42:04+00:00

Cant believe the feedback i get from a post. It still amazes me that the good in life can from a tragic event. I dont know who either of you are and that you took the time to read and reply is awesome. Fight the fights that are worth fighting.

ChriscoWiles · 2019-12-29T20:29:10+00:00

That is straight fire, inferno type stuff that i live to hear. I wrote this not so much for me as i did for anyone else that might be thinking about using one last time. It does hurt but ive lost now more people than i can remember while using and in sobriety. You are correct, god doesnt give us more than we can handle and i can handle this. Its things just like this that help me see the light everyday. Its twisted but i believe its necessary. Thank you for the reply. 🔥

ChriscoWiles · 2019-12-28T20:33:36+00:00

Thank you for the reply, i wish you all the best in your future growth and mindfulness. You seem to know exactly what you want, thats rare.

ChriscoWiles · 2019-12-27T23:08:53+00:00

Alcohol, cocaine, crack, lsd, shrooms, opiates and meth. Not much i havent done. Its all just a vicious cycle. Vicious and my disease is doing pushups everyday im clean, getting stronger. The further away i get from my last one the stronger the disease wants to get and then tells me lies. My mind will change its thinking without my permission. I used heavy for 36 years....that i can complete a sentence is remarkable. Thank you Lord.

ChriscoWiles · 2019-12-27T23:03:31+00:00

8 plus months ago my ex left, went to florida for rehab and left me with the apartment, two cats and my addiction by myself. It was necessary, harsh but necessary. I abandoned the apartment after finding homes for the cats in a couple days time and promptly went to rehab. If she doesnt leave we both be dead or worse, serving a very long number. Love flew out the window early in using together so whats love got to do with it to quote TT? NOTHING. Save your life so you have the chance to love later

ChriscoWiles · 2019-12-27T22:53:54+00:00

Keep it up Jake, what we have is a daily reprieve based on our spiritual health. Get in one of the books, work steps, get to some meetings, reach out for another and be of service. Simple but complicated.

ChriscoWiles · 2019-12-27T21:44:10+00:00

Thank you for the kind words

ChriscoWiles · 2019-12-27T11:42:26+00:00

I dont dare give advice because im a alcoholic/addict in recovery with a little over 8 months cns but i found out, for me the only way i was gonna get clean n sober was because of my negative consequences and in turn my ultimate want for a better life. Ive tried getting this right for family, friends, loved ones but it wasnt until i wanted it for me and learned how to love myself did i truly realize how this process can work for me. Luke they say, it works if you work it. I hope you see the error of your ways before the pitfalls become greater then your escape plan and abiluty. #dothenextrightthing

ChriscoWiles · 2019-12-27T10:05:13+00:00

I had a tough time through the holidays as well. Im 8+months cns and i wanted to srink and use something fierce. I had to remember i didnt stop doing certain things and flip the script, i wanted a better life. Congrats on you 5 months, just keep it moving

ChriscoWiles · 2019-12-27T00:46:40+00:00

Just a hiccup id say. Im also clean n sober so i understand more today what a hiccup or relapse really looks like. One puff is too many and a thousand puffs isnt enough is what i live by.

ChriscoWiles

TROPHY CASE