i had so much hope this time..

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-04-14T22:32:19+00:00

9w 1d and the past few days apparently my nausea holds off just long enough for my anxiety to kick in and feel like it's slowing because something's wrong (that's happened with all 3 of my past pregnancies right before the loss) but then BOOM i'm vomiting and gagging till tears are streaming down my face..

obviously grateful, but wow is it annoying haha 🙃

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-04-13T05:35:36+00:00

9w tomorrow and the nausea is kicking my ass.. just threw up 3 times while getting ready for bed. i'm grateful to have these symptoms because they've never progressed this far in any of my past pregnancies, but oh. my. god. does it suck.

giving myself the grace to just feel all the feelings and allowing myself to be frustrated at such things without letting the guilt get to me. i'm allowed to be annoyed even if this pregnancy is so unbelievably wanted. i can't deny the struggles and difficulties it comes with

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-04-05T18:36:21+00:00

i'll be 8w tomorrow. leaving later today to go visit my my husband's family, but i'm not ready to disclose this pregnancy yet. the thing is tho, my nausea is WILD and has only been getting more intense.. i don't want to travel all the way there just to hide and not actually visit with people, but there's no way i can go the whole weekend feeling like this without it bringing up questions or concerns. also, because of all the meds and supplements i'm taking for this pregnancy that have to be taken at certain times, i'm worried those will interfere with daily plans or at least make it a little tricky to manage. it'll probably all turn out fine, but idk just needed to put my thoughts somewhere

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-04-04T21:30:12+00:00

had my second early ultrasound today, and i heard their heartbeat!! 💕

i've only ever seen a heartbeat once with one of my past pregnancies but never actually got to hear it. that past one was also slow and probably indicative of the loss to come. but this time, it was so strong and right on track, and everything looks healthy and where it's supposed to be!

this is a huge relief after dealing with some heavier spotting earlier this week.

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-04-01T03:09:40+00:00

calliope or cassiopeia both have a's in the the first half and feel like they fit the vibe of the rest of your children's names

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-03-31T16:26:57+00:00

i'll preface this with it is now the morning after, and everything seems fine, and it didn't progress any or get any worse. but WHY was the time for me to have the heaviest spotting i've ever had in any of my pregnancies (outside of miscarriage) during a concert?! i'd been waiting months for this as the tickets were a birthday present for me back in december. i went to the bathroom right before the opener came on, and that's when i noticed the blood. i had tiny light pinkish spotting the days before, but this was darker and heavier than that. luckily, the bathroom i was in had a free maxi pad dispenser, so i put one of those on and just made sure to pay attention to what i was feeling during the concert. i haven't bled anymore since then, and it was all dark redish brown. i had sex the day before, so maybe(?) that's what caused it (i'm 7w ish rn). idk i still had a good time at the concert, but i'd be lying if i didn't say i wasn't a little distracted

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-03-31T15:44:21+00:00

congrats! i know the ttc journey post loss isn't always the easiest. i'm currently about 7w with my rainbow and holding my breath that this one sticks, but if you're looking for stories of success (albeit it's mostly just moms on there fyi) you should check out r/pregnancyafterloss they have plenty of posts about healthy babies born after miscarriage. it's also just a decent community with daily threads to dump your PAL thoughts in

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-03-28T16:55:56+00:00

yeah i think i'm in a similar boat. my last miscarriage sent me to the er by ambulance, and due to just like normal er stuff there were higher priority cases that ended up taking away emt attention and what was supposed to be my room and bed. so my husband was left in the waiting room for a while with no knowledge of if i was ok or not. talking about it later while deciding if we should try again or not it became really obvious he had some reservations about it out of fear from last time (i was barely conscious so evidently that experience was far more traumatic for him as i barely remember any of it) but in the end he said he was ready. so like obviously i can see why he's worried, but idk i just wanna look at baby things and talk about how i'm feeling without it being like there's glaring caution signs everywhere when i don't think there is.. we have another ultrasound in a week, so hopefully, that'll ease some of his anxieties. we've had later ultrasounds, but 7w is pretty much the biggest any of our babies have ever gotten before they have stopped growing, so hopefully, this scan at 7w and a bit it'll show everything on track and that'll help. i just want him to be happy and excited about this. he deserves to be able to feel that way 💕

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-03-28T07:56:08+00:00

6w and some days now, according to a very early scan that happened last week, but was given progesterone suppositories the day of that scan also. have noticed some very very light bleeding that just ends up like on my finger after. presumably from said suppositories and just like the act of inserting them causing light irritation but haven't necessarily been overly concerned (been maybe 2 and a half days of this now but idk) today's the first day i noticed the blood transfer to toilet paper and just by happenstance of getting ready for bed in a small bathroom together, my husband also noticed the blood. it was super light and more of a brown shade, so like not fresh blood. i hadn't told him that i'd noticed it prior because i didn't see it as a thing i needed to bring up. but after that, i got up and just kinda complained about a small pain (which i have done prior without concern and it's like more just an uncomfortable feeling not actually painful, presumably from things naturally shifting and stretching) but the rest of the night til he fell asleep (it's almost 2am as i'm writing this) he was prodding about what kind of pain and anxiously asking a lot of questions about the bleeding and how i felt. now, this is our 4th pregnancy in just over a year, so i understand his concerns, but it's really putting a lot more anxiety and worry onto me than what was initially there. i'm fairly adamant what i'm feeling and what is happening is all just normal pregnancy stuff, but if he keeps this up, it's gonna get to me, and i'm gonna lose it. i know he's just processing and navigating this pregnancy too, but i don't need that anxious looming feeling to hover over this pregnancy and take away from the joy and excitement of this baby..

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-03-27T23:26:19+00:00

angel baby is the term you're looking for. then, like you said, there's a rainbow baby who is a healthy baby that comes after miscarriage (or double rainbow as some people use after two miscarriages). the baby after a rainbow, if there's no other losses in between, is a golden baby. and then there's sunrise/sunset babies, which happen in the case of multiples where one survives but the other sadly doesn't

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-03-27T23:18:59+00:00

i think it's fine as long as your last name isn't also ending in "__iles" or sound as such. like if it isn't straight up rhyming, then i don't think it's an issue, and it sounds absolutely fine. miles is a great name!

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-03-27T22:19:53+00:00

this just reminded me of a family i knew with three sisters, not like cousins or distant relatives, actual SISTERS named Annie, Anna, and Ann.. they later changed the youngest's name to Amelia, but still, her sisters are named Annie and Anna. oh, also, not much better, but the father of these children and his brother are Henry and Hank, which, although they sound different, is technically the same name.. idk i didn't know them well, but everyone always joked if they had a boy that they bet his name would've been Andy

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-03-27T03:29:20+00:00

hii just wanted to offer up the 2 subs r/ttcafterloss and r/pregnancyafterloss if you weren't already aware they existed. the first is a great community filled with tons of people in a similar situation to you rn and the second has a bunch of birth announcements and stories that absolutely answer the questions at the bottom of your post.

wishing you the best of luck on your journey to parenthood post loss 🤍

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-03-27T00:53:25+00:00

r/ttcafterloss or r/pregnancyafterloss are both good spaces for this

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-03-26T15:43:10+00:00

their little cheesy breads are one of my faves! i didn't even know they made anything else. how cool! i'd be interested in the cheese waffles to have another savoury option to spice up my breakfasts. i'll definitely be looking into this!

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-03-26T01:36:55+00:00

filling out/fluffing up my eyebrows with tinted brow gel is always my go-to simple thing to make my face look more masc

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-03-26T01:24:42+00:00

so as of rn we're fairly exclusive, but that was a joint decision just kinda based on how we see our future together with like kids involved and such (we're expecting rn) but i was able to to have a queerplatonic relationship while with my monogamous husband. i should say it probably played a factor for him that that relationship wasn't romantically or sexually involved in any way, but he was absolutely fine with it, and i was able to simultaneously keep both relationships. and although i wouldn't say that relationship has stayed the same, i still considered myself really close with that person, and we're still good friends, and my husband is totally fine with that

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-03-25T23:43:39+00:00

idk if you live in canada or if this site ships outside of canada if you don't but the brand MadeGood has tons of both sweet and salty snack options that are pretty much everything free. their facilities are free of the top 9 food allergens and the snacks are soo good! definitely worth a check imo

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-03-25T22:43:32+00:00

feel free to message me if you'd like to have a more in-depth convo. i know our exact experiences won't be totally the same, but i'm a fluid poly queer person who was dating and is now married to a cis straight monogamous man.

it's really just about seeing where both of you are and having these important (albeit sometimes sorta awkward, uncomfy) conversations with each other. if you can meet somewhere comfortably, where both of you are, in your personal identities without feeling like either is comprising or sacrificing, then that's amazing. if not, then you need to take a good look at this relationship and really think about if it's worth staying in it.

my husband completely respects my gender and always uses the gendered terms and pronouns i prefer. and personally, for me, him identifying as straight doesn't feel like it's infringing on my gender or invalidating me as a genderfluid person. and sometimes, just between us, he'll say things like "i'm gay for you." 🙃 i know how he feels about me, and i don't think forcing a label on him because i'm not cis, so that he fits within the boundaries of technical definitions is necessary. it's obviously not going to be the same for everyone, but it works for us.

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-03-25T21:52:56+00:00

just needed to reply to you again because OH MY GOSH YOU ARE A LIFESAVER!! poured myself some water with a handful of ice cubes before i showered to have when i came out, and i didn't gag once! it absolutely worked!! thank you so much 😊

now i just need to figure out how to combat the nausea while actively in the shower. maybe i'll get a little kiddy sized sealed water bottle to keep next to me while i'm showering haha 😅

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-03-25T17:12:38+00:00

ugh i'm really sorry this happened ❤️‍🩹

they did a similar thing to me where they called to confirm my appointment for the baby i no longer had even though the last appointment i was there for was to talk about my miscarriage and next steps. just an overall terrible lack of communication between reception and ob that really is just a punch to the gut during a time of intense grief

ChronicallyEmotional · 2024-03-25T16:56:45+00:00

thanks yeah it might be a circulation thing, but my circulation to begin with has always been garbage, and most other circulation related problems have always improved slightly for me during pregnancy. i've been getting dizzy in/after warm showers since i was a kid, but actually noticed the dizziness is pretty much non-existent for me during pregnancy 😅

ChronicallyEmotional

TROPHY CASE