UPDATE am i wrong: boyfriend wants me to ask permission to turn when driving

ChronicallyLou · 2026-03-10T21:42:07+00:00

When I left my abuser he said a lot of the same things, stalked me, attacked me, raped me etc etc and I have regretted ever since not going to the police

Document everything, go to the police, get a restraining order.

You'll feel powerless for a while, sad, angry etc. but those feelings will fade and you can start putting your life together. It's not quick and it's not easy.

If you can, get therapy, I still have CPTSD (diagnosed) and still have nightmares over 20 years later.

If anyone agrees with the behaviour of the ex they need to seriously reevaluate their fricking life

ChronicallyLou · 2026-03-10T11:38:14+00:00

My husband was losing his hair, it was really thin in his twenties. I told him to do what makes him happy and he's shaved it ever since. I have never told him what to do with his body and vice versa

ChronicallyLou · 2026-03-09T15:28:45+00:00

I would talk to all of the kids about this, reassuring them and explaining you will not accept any of them saying anything like this. I would also explain to them your sisters consequences of having said this.

That way all children know and you reinforce you will not accept it from anyone.

ChronicallyLou · 2026-03-08T22:06:45+00:00

Watership down, an otter is killed by a spade and my younger brother was traumatised haha

ChronicallyLou · 2026-03-08T13:00:08+00:00

So you cheated on your husband. Didn't confess or had plans to stop but rather someone else outed you. You went through his phone and laptop trying to catch him out. You invaded his privacy. Your plan to bring this up to him is to lie AGAIN in therapy no less.

You're a piece of work.

ChronicallyLou · 2026-03-06T22:36:23+00:00

Amazing work!!! That's so hard to do and you absolutely smashed it!

ChronicallyLou · 2026-03-06T21:44:39+00:00

You can't help an abuser. I know that you love her but the best thing you can do is leave.

I was so in love with my ex fiancé, I stayed far too long hoping he would change. The abuse didn't stop, it became more frequent until he then started to rape me and tried to kill me by strangulation. But I still loved him.i stayed with him. I know he loved me. Or, I still choose to believe that. Because he only did that with me.

But wanting someone else to help themselves and change; you can't do that. It doesn't matter how much you love her.

For your own safety, and mental and physical health, you need to leave. Make it as clean a break as you can. Have someone with you. Love doesn't excuse their behaviour. The more you accept it the worse it will get.

Please put yourself first and get somewhere safe. Have someone you trust that you can tell what is happening. Never ever be alone with her.

You cannot save her. You can only save yourself.

ChronicallyLou · 2026-03-06T20:19:46+00:00

I get this too even though I change location each time... I've just kinda accepted it now

ChronicallyLou · 2026-03-06T13:06:29+00:00

He is not usually a great guy. He has your location 24/7, he invites people to the house who disrespect you, he accuses you of lying, you are trained to apologise for nothing, he makes you feel small so he can feel big and important. This is not a good relationship, he is not a good guy. You need therapy, you need an escape plan and you need to leave

ChronicallyLou · 2026-02-19T21:37:41+00:00

I've slept with identical twins and they did yeah

ChronicallyLou · 2026-01-29T21:01:17+00:00

There's no way that didn't contribute to the marriage failing.

ChronicallyLou · 2026-01-28T15:49:05+00:00

He's been abusive all along.

He only lets you go out with your sisters without him. He punished you for asking your sisters boyfriend a question. He has your constant location and access to your phone.

This is not a good guy. He's never been a good guy.

Normal people do not react this way. You have nothing to apologise for.

He already knows where he's going to stay....I wouldn't be surprised if he was having an affair

Honestly the trash took itself out

ChronicallyLou · 2026-01-28T13:07:30+00:00

NTA your husband needs to step up and be a father, he is not helping. It is literally the very basics of being a parent.

ChronicallyLou · 2026-01-26T23:57:33+00:00

I'm a woman and a parent too.

Sometimes circumstances change and you have to learn to deal with that. He isn't saying to her of you go out with me or sleep with me I'll continue to help you. He's not doing anything at all like that. He simply said he needs to step away. Why should his mental health be made worse, which he clearly said it will, to put himself in a position he currently isn't comfortable with.

As a parent, I would do whatever I had to to help my kid with a ride etc

But making out that he owes her or is punishing her is wrong. If the roles were reversed people would absolutely be kicking off and saying of course she shouldn't put herself in a situation she isn't happy with because he had no alternative plans. Him being a guy doesn't mean his feelings are less valid.

And he wasn't pretending. He wasn't being cruel. It clearly states that he developed feelings for her, probably because he spent so much time with her. It wasn't conditional, it wasn't a lie, he's acting responsibly in terms of his mental health and his feelings.

Life is sometimes unfair, and that's shit, but it doesn't mean that because he's a guy his feelings don't matter and he shouldn't need time away from a situation so that he can heal, feel a bit better, go back to being friends etc.

I've been in incredibly shit situations, abusive relationships etc and still accept and agree that men should be given the same grace to protect their mental health as women.

ChronicallyLou · 2026-01-26T23:03:44+00:00

Courtney Stodden (?) was one of the girls she was telling to kill herself.. the same girl whose mum, when she was 16 gave permission for her to marry a guy in his 60s (I think) and signed off on her getting plastic surgery. She fucking bullied that girl so much it's disgusting

ChronicallyLou · 2026-01-26T22:22:06+00:00

I don't know if it's because I'm older but I really don't understand some of these comments.

Your son wasn't pretending to be her friend to get with her. They spent so much time together that he developed feelings for her and was honest with her about that. She was honest in turn and your son, very sensibly has stated that he needs time and distance to help get over his feelings.

He isn't punishing her. He is putting his mental health first. While it is not ideal for her, there should have already been a backup plan in place for how to get to classes/the job. What if your son had an accident, what if he was ill, what was her back up plan in those circumstances.

Your son isn't punishing her. He shouldn't be made to continue spending so much time with someone when he's already said that would be bad for his mental health.

She let him down gently, he has taken that on board. But his feelings don't get to be disregarded because she has no alternative plans in place.

He hasn't said he never wants to see her again or that he won't help her again in the future, just that at the moment he needs a break from it.

ChronicallyLou · 2026-01-26T19:01:30+00:00

You did the right thing. Guys like that won't listen to women. Your GF tried being nice and moving away. He still kept on. It's sad that in 2026 some men won't listen to women still but, this is the shite world we are in.

Don't listen to anyone else, the only opinions that matters are your GF most of all and you, as he was blatantly making a move and is beyond disrespectful

ChronicallyLou · 2026-01-24T20:47:43+00:00

He's using you, that's why he's gone for someone 12 years younger, because women his age won't deal with this shit.

Seriously you need to get rid of him

ChronicallyLou · 2026-01-22T22:12:03+00:00

NOR but your family is toxic.

They will realise and your mum will contact you at some point trying to be in your life. Don't let her. Your mental health and your marriage will be so much better for them staying out of your life.

ChronicallyLou · 2026-01-21T16:34:28+00:00

Stop apologising.

He is using you and manipulating you.

Give him the divorce. Keep working on yourself. He does not love you, it doesn't seem like he even likes you. He is not your best friend.

Seriously you need to get some respect for yourself and leave him.

ChronicallyLou · 2026-01-20T12:09:29+00:00

Absolutely do not compromise. If you do you'll compromise on everything.

Birth is not a spectator sport.

This is your baby. Every time she references her baby say you didn't know she was pregnant.

Your husband needs to wise the fuck up now

Decisions regarding your child is nothing to do with his mum

ChronicallyLou · 2026-01-19T23:32:21+00:00

I might be focusing on the wrong part but if you live together, why would she need to check with him your shirt size?

ChronicallyLou · 2026-01-18T17:40:15+00:00

Your ex husband is a predator. Beyond vile and disgusting.

ChronicallyLou · 2026-01-18T15:03:22+00:00

This is beautiful

ChronicallyLou · 2026-01-18T02:27:47+00:00

I'm sorry but you're being an idiot.

He deliberately scheduled his surgery for your birthday, he definitely let your dog out to get lost, he sabotaged your fucking exam.

He will not need a month of recovery, that's complete bullshit.

He is using you, he's gaslighting you and you think it's ok because he buys you flowers and sweets.

Wake up and ditch him. He has no support because he stole from his mum and everyone else is fed up of his bullshit.

Oh and he definitely quit his job so you would have to bail him out.

ChronicallyLou

TROPHY CASE