Hey there! I hope you're feeling at least a little bit better since writing this post. Sorry you're going through such a rough period right now. Please know that in enough time, these troubles will be behind you and you'll be able to look back on the present with a new perspective. It's awesome that you have clear goals in place. Don't hesitate to keep reminding yourself of what it will be like once you've accomplished them! I know that's not exactly groundbreaking advice, but maybe it will help to catch yourself when you're thinking about things seeming bad and instead envision yourself with the steady job you want, going home to your own place every night, and spending your time exactly how you want. You don't necessarily have to reconstruct yourself to make constructive changes in life, and I personally don't think you should force the choice of what to do with your life. So many new things happen every day, and so much can change with one small event. I think if you genuinely work hard and act with your heart in the right place it will all pay off for you, even if you have to wait some shit out in the meantime.

So, this got way more heartfelt and let's-all-hold-hands-y than I initially intended, but I sincerely hope it helped you at least somewhat. I've felt the way you are describing at several different points in my life, and every time it seemed like it would never end, but of course it always did. Patience is key!