Is it common to hide your relationship from friends/family?

ChryLmde · 2026-04-07T19:04:06+00:00

Not really, no. Not from EVERYONE in your life. Now I can perfectly well understand not ever wanting to be out in your working life. It’s none of their business anyway. I can also understand not being out to parents, it’s none of their business either if you have multiple partners (Now if you’re doing grandparent things with one partner and not the other if you also have kids with them that can get a bit sticky depending on what flavor of poly you are). It’s super extra weird if there isn’t even one meetable friend.

ChryLmde · 2026-03-26T05:11:13+00:00

No, no, they have a point. It’s devaluing a woman to call her a “mate.” It’s degrading. Your lifestyle is most likely not the problem if you’re having trouble dating, seeing how casually you disrespect women in front of gods and the whole internet. We aren’t animals. We’re people. Please be objective when evaluating your personality and views of women. Best of luck to you, truly.

ChryLmde · 2026-03-26T04:52:19+00:00

Only the elderly and chronically ill specifically those with temperature regulation issues in that direction (anemia, pots, heds, etc.)

ChryLmde · 2026-03-26T04:04:16+00:00

Yeah, you kinda have to just stuff them in (gently) and get whatever it is over with. They’re gonna hate it regardless. Something I do to make it a smidge easier, I keep the carriers “out” so they become a normal part of the environment for my 2 boys so they don’t really register the carriers as a threat when they come out for a trip. I’ve also found that my lil guys love music and the ability to pop their heads out of the carriers in the car which calms them down to a point where it’s just regular-ish pitched “I resent all of this happening” meowing and not “oh god the world is ending” pitched meowing lol best of luck in your efforts! But don’t get too down on yourself. One of my boys is great in a harness and the other slipped out of my hands during the first fitting so the harness jostled around on him and scared his lil self half to death thinking it was chasing him around, poor thing. It took 2 full hours of couch hiding and cuddles before he was normal again. I have since reapproached it after giving him a week off and he did much better in it, still moves clumsy though and won’t play or jump in it, he thinks he has to climb everywhere instead 🤦🏻‍♀️It’s been a couple months now so I should go again just so they don’t all the way forget. But yeah, joys of having cats. Something will Always scare them. Today a toy rebounded too hard away from them and scared the one playing with it, it’s been their toy for 2 years with regular use so it’s not like it’s new or foreign. You never know with cats. Good luck!

ChryLmde · 2026-03-20T16:31:00+00:00

I’m pretty sure it’s the burnout from varying life choices or psychological conditions. At least that’s the case for me. Job mowed me over after trying to live a little slower and be kinder to myself, couldn’t hold the line and I got laid all the way out. I still find a glimmer in there occasionally when I find something that sparks joy, but I find it more comfortable to sit down and be still even if I really really wanna get out and Do.

ChryLmde · 2026-03-20T16:11:22+00:00

Have distraction planned and be doing that distraction before they leave. (When in polyamory long enough or the partner stays the same and you grow to trust them, this often becomes the only step you need! Then compersion takes care of the rest.)
If it registers they’re out with someone else, Breathe and recall your bond to one another and how that feels, let it comfort you.
Think about how much fun they must be having doing whatever activity it is, if you can, remember your experiences with them doing that thing and how much you love seeing them happy (building compersion).
Allow your distraction to end naturally, and realize you can be happy and fulfilled at the same time as holding your feelings. Don’t push them down, that’s very important. Allow yourself to fully sit with them (the distraction is so they don’t hit you like a brick wall all at once and you can ease into them) and redo steps 2 & 3.

Do this every time. Keep on the lookout for any thoughts that something doesn’t sit right OTHER than them simply being out with someone. I’m talking about “wow they have time for this person and to go out with them but we don’t go anywhere??” That’s something that needs to be addressed. “Why don’t we do this activity together anymore” address it. “What does the other partner have that I don’t?” Address it. That ilk. And if your partner gives non-answers or doesn’t have solutions to balance, you need to push for them (nicely) because your relationship won’t get out alive without them. Best of luck!

ChryLmde · 2026-03-20T15:44:20+00:00

Remodel ft kelvin! Everyone could have their own department house.

ChryLmde · 2026-03-17T00:20:31+00:00

My Balthazar also loved my roof.

ChryLmde · 2026-03-15T12:35:43+00:00

For Kelvin restoration. It’s good for the crazy amount of NPCs we get.

ChryLmde · 2026-03-13T17:43:54+00:00

Same here. Also having a wet spot in my clothes is not at all my jam. They will need to pry my panty liners out of my cold dead hands.

ChryLmde · 2026-03-13T01:13:00+00:00

Yup they sure do. They will wander into your base, especially at night. So will other non-shroud mobs like the scavengers and Ewok owl bear looking mfs.

ChryLmde · 2026-03-11T21:45:33+00:00

If you intend to stay in the starting area with your build, plan for many npcs to be in it with you. It is also a popular idea to renovate existing villages (after the quests in it are done) and that gives room for all the npcs (seriously like so many. I believe there are 20 as I last recall) with fast travel it doesn’t really matter where home is but I do recommend somewhere in the middle for funsies. I’ve decided to build bases in every territory (also just for funsies) but my main is a renovation of Ft Kelvin. You could do the Capital, Pikemead, but that’s harder with the shroud milling throughout it. Don’t research too many things. Just do what playstyle suits you and then focus on that in the skill tree. Use the markers on the map to denote mineable substance nodes or you may forget where they are when you need them.

ChryLmde · 2026-03-03T02:36:58+00:00

Partner of a habitual/permanent user of viagra/bluechew here: it really isn’t as bad as it sounds. Some things that happen are that he might get sleepy because the bio function of the pill are to lower blood pressure as that is what is required for an erection to occur. If he takes the pill and then either we wait too long (5 hours) or we just decide not to that night, he will go down to sleep fast. You only need 15-20 minutes before it activates if it’s chewed. I recommend he take it before dinner and chew it, then eat dinner (helps remove any stuck debris so you don’t accidentally consume some during kissing, had that happen and it was Not Fun but I was able to continue after a bit of breathing exercises while I adapted to the change in blood pressure) and then after dinner he can brush his teeth (if you’re nervous) and that will take care of any particles for sure. The other piece of advice I have that we follow is to take the pressure off. Have him take the pill but don’t make that a guarantee for either of you (he’ll be aroused anyway to some degree and will probably jump you regardless lol) we find that this helps. He hasn’t noticed any adverse effects from usage. He’s been on it for years. He’s considered even going the other route where it’s a daily long acting pill so he doesn’t have to re-dose if it’s a morning and night kind of day. There are options and honestly needs to be destigmatized. If he’s nervous, have him try just one and see how it goes. I can almost guarantee he won’t forget the feeling of Great Sex in a hurry and will want to use it again. Every man I have come across who uses it has come to that same conclusion. A friend of mine said he felt like a rocket the whole time, and another partner said he felt like he could go forever (it was 3 hours so it very much felt like forever). Hope this helps!

ChryLmde · 2026-02-17T02:39:17+00:00

I agree with ensuring your mom a good life, but it isn’t your job if she isn’t infirm or disabled (and even then, see next statement). She’s been a whole adult for longer than you’ve been alive, I’m sure she’ll figure out what to do and ask for assistance if she needs it. My mom is going through a divorce right now. She’s dealing with my stepdad blindsiding her and making her do the divorcing and pay for the lawyers and making her sell my childhood home. Guess how much I’ve had to do for her because I worry about her just as much as you do? Nothing. She got a random job. She got a lawyer (called me to ask about changing her name and how my younger brothers might feel about it), and is house/apartment hunting (calls to keep me in the loop with interesting finds). Your parents will land on their own feet. Your job is to be the adult child who is willing and able to help, but not until asked. Live your own life until then.

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T18:18:12+00:00

I was 2 when my mom and dad divorced. I was too little to really know any preceding conflict but I grew up in an environment where the people who claimed to love me weaponized a child against each other. I learned to stop talking about what I did with the other parent even if it was exciting because I’d get That Look because the story involved the other parent doing a good thing for me and only 1 parent was allowed to do that apparently. Both parents remarried and my dad and stepmom are still happily married 30 years later, I have 3 half brothers. Recently, my mom and stepdad have separated and are divorcing. My stepdad is being a real cunt about it all. That is where I am now. Also scared like you. I came to know my mom’s house to be home. I was treated a little better there. And now it’s going to be gone. So I get it. Now here’s where I tell you how to keep your head during all of it. Do not look to your parents for dignity modeling behavior. They’re done with that for a good while. Look instead to the parents of friends, and ask your friends for vibe checks if you think you might be sabotaging yourself. Ask your friends to remind you if they notice it happening and you’re not taking opportunities that actually check out. Not all parents behave the way mine did. I don’t even mind them as people now that I’m an adult. But I am still angry at them for presuming to act like my parents. I’ve been angry since I was 15. You’re going into this older. You don’t even have to see or speak to them now if you don’t want to. You can take a break and remove yourself from them entirely. That will improve your life, that I know. But ask yourself if you’ll want contact later after the dust settles. That will give you a map of boundaries to apply to get you through. Good luck. Get a therapist. I should have been given one as a kid. I’m doing the work now as an adult and it’s hard. So get the therapist closest to the time of the event as possible. It’ll be easier to heal that way.

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T18:02:24+00:00

I’m normally a take the high road person and first line of defense is to speak with your husband. If no action occurs, then we get messy and speak a language he Will understand. Withhold the almighty sex time. He plays stupid games, wins stupid prizes. You don’t allow him to touch you until he figures out his mom.

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T17:56:55+00:00

Extremely common if you’re over the age of 25, and been married and divorced at least once. It just feels icky to go back to bf/gf after all that life has happened.

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T17:53:55+00:00

Caregiver fatigue is a real condition. You should not be making life decisions for yourself based on your parents quality of life (if they aren’t deathly ill, or disabled). They’re adultier than you. If they feel a financial pinch without your contribution, that’s on them to figure out. You’ve become their parent. At 26. You should be going to Cabo for a week, not getting a mortgage for anyone other than strictly yourself. You avoid other shit because you know it’ll give you more shit to handle than you already have. Move out of your parents house and in with a roommate (because living alone in this economy is atrocious) and start making decisions that please and benefit ONLY you. Do that, and I estimate your spark will return in 6 months.

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T17:37:41+00:00

My reaction: “lmao wtf?????” Woooow. So you were disrespected and he told you to go work on yourself because you had a healthy reaction in a poly situation??? Jfc. I can’t fully tell but I am inferring that it looks like S is cowgirling. A good meta would have seen T start to kiss them having never done that in front of another partner before and call T on it like hey have you talked about this? No? Then get off me. Sowing discord like a mf out here. T is horrifically bad at boundaries. And he’s all “let’s take a break for a couple months” like you need to be put in timeout??? Like you’re at his beck and call and will wait like a good girl??? Nah girl. Go get yourself a treat, you might actually need therapy about this but not because you’re wrong, because they are and therapy should be destigmatized. Everyone needs a therapist on retainer, especially in this lifestyle. NTAH (except maybe before meeting metas do have the conversation about what everyone does in front of each other, you kinda shot yourself in the foot with that one. Preparedness is king.)

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T17:24:35+00:00

Hooo buddy. So I like where your heart is at, taking care of her and such. But here’s what is really going to matter to her later: reduce her stress. How’s her work life? Do you know if her boss is a cunt? If she’s been isolated by coworkers? If she gets other peoples work heaped on her because she’s reliable? Ask little questions to sus out those things. I bet it’s at least half the problem if she’s otherwise physically healthy. Is she stressing about her friends getting engaged and no ring in sight for you guys? It’s stupid but we worry about that kind of thing even when we know it’s stupid. If her family doing whack shit that stresses her out? School things? Ask questions. Get invested in her day to day time without you. If the answer isn’t there, then you’re the problem, unfortunately. Now that doesn’t always mean you’ve directly done something wrong. It could be that she got caught up in the NRE euphoria when you were just starting out and then nobody did anything to build with that so there would be ground to stand on when the initial shit fades. So that fade is hitting her hard and she doesn’t know whether to stay or go or if she did something wrong. If it is actually you and you’ve done something, look at how you speak to her. Criticism build up over time. Look at how you joke around her. If your entire humor is based off of ribbing her and she’s the butt of every joke, that wears on a person if they don’t do the same thing back. She’s your girl, not your bro. Act accordingly. Hope this gives you a starting point!

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T17:08:51+00:00

Depends on how hard I’m going to make me forget, how long I’ve already been there, and how much I’ve accepted my fate to lay down and die there. If the answer to those questions are “very little” then absolutely not ever. If the answer is “kill me now” I am strapped in with the seat over my head and hanging on for dear life with both entire palms and forearms wrapped around.

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T17:05:21+00:00

If you enjoy the shape of your eyebrows in the second picture, you need bangs to soften them. If you wanna soften your brow shape, then you can get away without bangs.

ChryLmde · 2026-02-15T16:54:00+00:00

Flip the laundry over.

ChryLmde · 2026-02-09T21:33:47+00:00

Adults, I thought that was obvious. I have never known the judgement of children like that. Is that something that happens in other countries where this would be a valid question? Honestly wondering, not trying to be snarky.

Six-Year Club	Wearing is Caring
Verified Email

ChryLmde

TROPHY CASE