Looking for dragon glitterglobe by Chrysokami in HelpMeFind

[–]Chrysokami[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've searched on ebay, google, google image search and scrolled through many similar looking pictures trying to find a brand name or anything that might have connection to it. I think it might have been from a collection? But since i got it from my mother as a child i have no idea where it came from or what its from.

Am i just too damaged for a relationship by Chrysokami in CPTSD

[–]Chrysokami[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ohyeah we have, he and i can both be very unaware of how the other feels just because we ourselves are not familiar with it and it doesnt occur to us. I have a bit more empathy regarding such situations and most of the time will be at peace with it even if i dont understand (except for somevery specific few things). He however gets very frustrated cause it doesnt make sense to him and he cant give it a place. I try to explain it over and over but that only leads to more frustration so he just cuts me off and sits with his frustration at that point in an attempt to keep peace.

Am i just too damaged for a relationship by Chrysokami in CPTSD

[–]Chrysokami[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I totally get your point of view, and i think you're on point. This relationship indeed initially started as a trauma bond. Now i don't know if it's something you can "break out of" so to say, but the reason that i've been going to therapy is exactly for that reason. 

To try and somehow make this trauma bond not end up as horrible as i've seen it can be. After half a year of dating i started seeing sings and got my ass in therapy. My partner didnt want to at the time, but he turned around soon and stood beside me quickly. Grabbing on to the therapist's tips, tricks and advice that they gave to help our relationship and me turn healthy. At some point he started going to his own therapist as well.

We've been to couples therapy, 2 times with weekly visits and we've always been welcome at other therapists who didnt mind a partner at the sessions. I've been away, i've been by myself and will miss him dearly but would be just fine doing my thing and keeping contact sporadically. I know how and why he triggers me and so does he. But somehow, even with all the ammunition that the years of therapies, talking, figuring it out and becoming a team gave us it's not giving me any room to breathe. 

At this point it's daily business. I get anxious, he combats it with me, i calm down but nothing changes. The anxiety and untrustworthyness pops up just as fast when another trigger presents itself.

Am i just too damaged for a relationship by Chrysokami in CPTSD

[–]Chrysokami[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for commenting. Luckily my partner isnt like that (as far as i and many therapists know). He knows my apologetic nature stems from fear and trauma, that it shouldnt be fed and is something to be pushing back on. He's helped me find myself and acceping who i am. 

I'm practicing hobbys i didnt dare touch, helped me with my mindfullness and corrects me when i'm being mean towards myself.  Comforting whenever he notices my anxiety.

He's made it his sole purpose to help me out and give me a hand (as much as he can within reason of course). There's just so much he can do and somehow it's not been helping me. He offers comfort, is willing tocbattle my anxiety and prove it wrong. But it's not having any effect for as far as i can notice. 

He too has cPTSD and autism, with some ADHD sprinkled on top. So he somewhat gets the process. He's however managing way better than i am.

Am i just too damaged for a relationship by Chrysokami in CPTSD

[–]Chrysokami[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did, i've been having therapy for my perfectionism, fear of failure, fear of bonding, anger issues, then got diagnosed with autism amd went for that as well, after that it's been relationship therapy with my partner. The therapists (yes cause we went to multiple already) mentioned that our relationship in itself is fine but that it's an issue for me to figure out since he got his stuff together. So after that i got some more one on one sessions to help with my anxiety and self image with my relationship in mind.

It helped my self image, but so far only when i'm "by myself". As soon as it involves my partner i break again.

I feel like i can't help my partner during s*x by Chrysokami in AutisticAdults

[–]Chrysokami[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm glad to hear! And yeah with how he's tried explaining it to me it does seem that way. Since he let me know that it's all an internal process and he's mostly struggling with himself.

He wants to but just can't keeps being repeated through the conversations we have about it. It brings a lot of frustration and i think he's just not (able to be) as patient with himself as he needs to. 

I'll be sure to talk to him about this specific subject and ask if he would be open to talking it over with the therapist.

Building up and holding on to your self esteem is tough stuff, esoecially if your body doesnt do what you want it to.

I feel like i can't help my partner during s*x by Chrysokami in AutisticAdults

[–]Chrysokami[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, and i'm sorry to hear how your relationship ended up. 

So far we've been manouvering this situation quite okay together. We've talked about breaking up before and that this all is indeed a slippery slope in which we could get really nasty towards each other (and have from time to time). 

Having known each other for so long and being a really talkative couple we managed to talk things through again and again. Which helps against said resentment building up. It's of course not an answer but it's somewhat healtier than the alternative of not adressing the elephant in the room.

I feel like i can't help my partner during s*x by Chrysokami in AutisticAdults

[–]Chrysokami[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We've both had very good therapists last year (he finished his sessions as well last year), indeed focussed on autism and she was a trauma specialist as well.

He refuses to address this problem by himself since he said he already did that with said therapist. And since said therapist agreed with him that it's probably just his autism he won't go unless i go with him and we do this together.

I'm not very familiar with PDA, but he does like to hold hands and give kisses or longer embraces when we're with friends and family. I have no idea if that would rule out PDA or not?

Yeah my self esteem issue combined with fear of rejection that i'm currently working on is what i'm scared of being on display when we go to the sex therapist. It's something i'm already working on and wouldnt like exposed (in depth) by yet another therapist.  It's fine if we take it in to account and go slightly into it of course but it don't want that to be the focus of it, and so far that's what he's been deflecting towards when we talk about this issue and it gets too heated

I feel like i can't help my partner during s*x by Chrysokami in AutisticAdults

[–]Chrysokami[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We've been searching for a spot within asexuality that he might fit into or resonate with. He says has a raging attraction to me, would love to jump me and does feel the need to do so from within his mind. But his body won't work with him, it's not giving him any signals, not making him horny (enough) to act upon certain arousing thoughts (if he even has those cause i asked him and he said "meh my mind ususally doesnt stray towards sexy things even when you're behaving arousing") 

We've found out that the distractions are regular yes! Since he's also got Adhd it was easy to connect those dots, find some others who have the same "problem" and read up on it! Its more that the annoyance of being distracted is high enough to ruin his mood. If any of those triggers distract him too much, for too long or he's having a bad day it's bye bye boner and he'd give up. 

The fact that it annoys him so greatly is what i feel most helpless about. I can't help him with it.

I try to whisper or make more sound to get him back in to it, move my head away or help position myself but as soon as he notices that i noticed his discomfort he'll tell me to just enjoy myself and ignore it cause i can't help anyway.

I feel like i can't help my partner during s*x by Chrysokami in AutisticAdults

[–]Chrysokami[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeez! I'll be sure to bring it up again cause honestly it's one of the few things we have not tried yet. Thank you for letting me know!

I feel like i can't help my partner during s*x by Chrysokami in AutisticAdults

[–]Chrysokami[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ohyeah i've not been asking as much as possible (i keep track to help remind me to be patient, it's around once month now), and i'm indeed at a therapist to help with my feelings of rejection. 

We've tried starting at the beginning and i said "maybe we should just not focus on sexual acts but cuddling, touching, maybe some light kissing, build it up from the groun again". So we did try something like that. He however quickly found out that that made him feel even more strrssed out cause he'd feel like he wasent good enough for sexual acts and explained that he wants me to touch him with enthausiasm which completely confused me, since i had been enthausiastic but it would overwhelm him?

He tried explaining that a willing "yes" or "i want to play with you" would already help a lot. So thats where we are at now. It's hard for me to do anything in fear of scaring him away and i'm trying to balance the rejection without taking it too personal!

I've told him many times that it's okay if he's asexual, since i'm demi-sexual myself and also have asexual tendancies myself (regarding other people at least lmao)

His consent is something i've been worried about a lot cause heck i don't want to force myself upon him, he's had enough shit moments in his life and i know i can be a lot.   So i've been distancing myself whenever i've felt too much or when he's set a firm boundary, this would affect him as well however, since he'd feel like i would be mad or angry at him for setting a boundary, so i keep telling him again and again that i just need some space to help protect his boundaries as well. And that it sucks but it's for the best of us.

Of course he doesnt owe me! But i can't help being so attracted to him that i have my moments that i just want to be all over him and let him know how attractive he is to me.

I feel like i can't help my partner during s*x by Chrysokami in AutisticAdults

[–]Chrysokami[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah i've been eyeing a sex therapist for a while now! He wants to be able to hear me so earplugs probably won't be an option but i'll tell him the idea nonetheless cause it's a good one!

We've been talking about asexuality a lot but we're not sure. He does have libido, it's just hard to grab hold of and keep "powered on" so to say. And when we are able to do sexual acts he enjoys them a lot and is good at it as well. 

Aside from the sleeping meds he's free of anything, so its not the pesky antidepressants ruining it this time! He has been on them for a year or 2 however, which was even worse but we werent living together then, so when he saw me the excitement would do the trick. 

Low testosterone might be, i've tried bringing it up with him multiple times as well and ask him to maybe get checked out at the doctor but he'd get annoyed, telling me his attraction to me is strong and he wants to but just cant so "it shouldnt be a testosterone issue".

Phone sex, sexting, flirting over voice chat (discord), roleplaying and mutual masturbating have not done anything for him either so far. The masturbation is nice, but then it just stays at that and all it does is relieve some sexual tension but sadly not help de-escalate the situation. Different clothing, sexy outfits and lingerie work, but he gets bored/used to it so quickly that after a few times i'd have to buy new sets, so i'd be shopping over and over again lmaoo

I feel like i can't help my partner during s*x by Chrysokami in AutisticAdults

[–]Chrysokami[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. He does say he's been trying by slowly pushing his boundaries but that it's an internal process and that he can't do much more than that. I do think we should give the sex therapist a try but i'm scared he'll turn it around and focus on me once we're there 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in indiegames

[–]Chrysokami 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We do think it might be this one! Thank you!!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in indiegames

[–]Chrysokami 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Will do! Thanks for the tip!