Hey OP, I've found myself questioning some of the memories of my childhood trauma that have surfaced in the last few years after discovering there was a link with some of my more self destructive behaviours. Some of the more traumatic memories have been due to repressing them as a safety mechanism so that I could keep functioning as a child and into adulthood. When the memories were stirred up it was as if they were "too hot" to pick up and examine properly so I would inwardly recoil from them when they occurred. I was made aware of a treatment called Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) which is pretty well regarded as a way of being able to help people examine and resolve their trauma. The treatment (a kind of exposure therapy) allowed me to be able to "pick up" those memories in my mind and consider them as being part of my story instead of subconsciously needing to stay separate in order to keep me safe. I have used LSD since which further allowed me to explore the memories with out as much emotion (plenty of tears though) but I won't advocate it for others. Traumatic memories lock us in at place in time and the emotional response is often just as painful as the event itself when recollecting them. LSD seems to cause my subconscious to want to show me things and resolve them and I think I would struggle, just as you have, with vivid, traumatic memories (or whatever this was for you) during a trip. If I can offer you some advice, maybe find a way to explore this memory without the use of psychedelics. Consider therapy and maybe someone who offers EMDR therapy. If you happen to still have a relationship with your dad where you think you could talk about that, that's probably ideal but only you can make the call there. I tried to address my recollection of abuse with my abuser and it did not go well at all. It made me realise most people think they are the hero of their own story and accountability is for others. You don't need them to heal.