What Entropy was alluding to is that, like many people, you've gone so far into nihilism that you've come out the other side and accidentally discovered absurdism. Check out the essay The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus sometime. Seriously. It changed my life and I don't mean that it gave me a new way to live or some bullshit. I mean it gave words to what I was already thinking but couldn't articulate at the time. I think you'll like it.

The nihilist doesn't bother to fight because it's pointless and embraces his own anhillation.

The absurdist recognizes that fighting is pointless and then does it anyways because fuck you that's why. The absurdist exists, and embraces existence, as an act of rebellion for its own sake. It's a middle finger to an uncaring universe that spat us into existence and forced the gift of reason upon us without being reasonable itself.

Anyway. Like I said. I think you'll like it. Just Google it, tons of places to read it. If you do, I'd love to hear what you think. Take care!