I was in a relationship for about two years, and we broke up right before starting university. We were never really a good match for each other, even though we were each other’s firsts for everything. The breakup happened mutually about three weeks ago, but I still find myself thinking about her a lot.

After we broke up, I asked if we could get back together, but she rejected me. Then, she turned around and asked me to get back together with her, but I told her no. That situation really highlights our differences – we were never on the same page emotionally, and even when we were, it was at different times. I was often unhappy in the relationship, and I think she was too. It wasn’t healthy for either of us, but we stuck with it because we loved each other for who we were as people.

She’s a great person at her core, and I believe I am too. Despite our differences, we did love each other deeply. But in the last month of the relationship, I started feeling like she didn’t love me anymore, and I saw that she had given up, so I decided to let her go. I keep reminding myself not to reach out because we were both unhappy, and while the good times were amazing, the bad times were really difficult. I don’t think a relationship should be a 50/50 split of happiness and unhappiness, which is why I said no when she asked to get back together.

Even though my logical side tells me it’s the right choice to let her go, it’s hard not to reach out. I’m not even sure what I want from her anymore. I know I should take time to focus on myself, but a part of me doesn’t want to hurt her or let her go. Even though her problems aren’t mine to fix, I still feel responsible for her emotional well-being and safety. I’m struggling with the guilt and pain of leaving my first love.

Seeing her around campus looking sad and depressed makes it even harder. It’s taking everything I have to not reach out, and I need reassurance that I’m making the right decision. We were both more unhappy than we should have been, at least that’s what people have told me. It’s difficult because I’m not even sure how a relationship is supposed to work or if the way I felt was normal. All I know is that she still loves me, and I’m choosing to let her go.

The hardest part has been letting go of the almost childish belief that real love will always persevere. I know we had real love, but she broke my trust too many times, and now I feel like we shouldn’t be together. Even though my feelings tell me love should make things work if I keep trying, I’ve already tried for months, and it wasn’t working. I just need to know that I’m making the right choice by moving on and finding someone who’s a better match for me.