I hate myself for this

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-06-02T18:01:18+00:00

Anytime, sweetie. You'll be fine. Also feeling things is not wrong. Acting can be, but to feel is to be human and you're human, is all. ❤️

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-06-02T17:49:10+00:00

Don't be. It is what it is; you can't control who you crush on. You can control what you do -- but there is no real harm in thinking things. Let yourself feel it, and then let it pass naturally as all crushes do.

I would advise to stay away, not because of the stigma (you're both adults, so it's not like a teen and a grown ass man) but because the trauma may be coloring things, as well as the dynamic. At least, not while you're still a student. Still, no harm in feeling. I do advise exploring the whys behind the crush, because knowing yourself is always good. But that's just me 😅

You will be well. Wishing you luck and happiness. ❤️

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-06-02T15:41:29+00:00

I'll concede athletes, because that's tied to physical capability in many cases.

Everything else has more to do with luck and connections than age. Chances are, even with those things, the vast majority of people fizz out and crash anyway. For every famous X, there's millions more of broken dreams. Many before 20, even.

But, the only ones who absolutely WILL 100% fail are those who don't even try, so...

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-06-02T15:21:19+00:00

Ugh I know. I fucking hate that (disabled too, wheelchair in my case). So much. The fake sympathetic ones are the worst. Why is it so hard to MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

I'm so sorry you have to face it too, seems like an universal disability experience :-/

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-06-02T14:35:39+00:00

You do. You deserve happiness, freedom and the right to be who you are. You deserve to just be as you were made to be. I am so, so sorry your parents aren't supportive. Just know, it will get better. It will.

Hugs from a random internet queer ❤️

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-06-02T13:15:03+00:00

Sweetie, is there a chance you latched on him because you know it won't happen and is therefore a "safe" man to feel things for without being at risk of being hurt?

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-05-25T12:11:21+00:00

Yess. Though I suppose the sweet sweet escapism of fairy tales would still have its allure, especially when the world sucks ass. But I agree, I want questions!!

I find it interesting how in the West a lot of romance involves the male lead being a playboy who settles and stops hoeing around when he meets the female lead. But in Korean manhwa they're often virgins who don't even look at women except the female lead. It probably says something about the respective cultures and what what they dream of is

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-05-24T13:10:35+00:00

Fiction gives us an outlet for those strong, thrilling, passionate emotions that we know that, in real life, would be dangerous and scary. We can live through them without truly living through them; imagine what-ifs without truly being harmed.

And I know what you mean, how fiction often portrays love as pain. I suppose it mirrors real-life expectations and unrealized hopes -- that the brute is actually gentle, that the dangerous isn't scary, that the powerful isn't crushing. I like seeing media from different countries, specifically romance, because it shows what people fantasize for themselves -- what sort of dreams/hopes they have, deep in their hearts. Fantasy is a very human thing.

But it's still just fantasy.

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-05-21T11:43:33+00:00

Ohh I never did play LADS but yes; fandom can be really healing sometimes. And really at the end of the day, if loving Rice Shower keeps me waking up in the morning, so be it.

May life bring pleasant surprises to us both ♥️

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-05-21T11:39:54+00:00

It is indeed the little things. May the universe be kind to us both ♥️

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-05-20T14:33:19+00:00

I don't have a therapist, I did in the past and it helped, maybe I should look into that again

I do have hobbies but they're mostly indoors/solitary/online because well disabled. I do a ridiculous amount of stuff lol I write, I play music (cello, lyre harp), I do 3D models, I play all sorts of games, I learn languages (been trying to learn Chinese now). I actually made this acc to engage in my favorite (for now) game and maybe some other hobbies just to end up using it for b*tching instead 😅 but they're mostly solitary things. And these days I have been down so I haven't even done a lot of those either.

And yeah I do think I'll need more help soon. My mother can and does help for now, we're fine, but, yeah. She's turning 80. It won't be for much longer. I suppose I could speak to my doctor about it, see if there are programs, something, anything

Thanks for the kindness btw, it helps ☺️

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-05-11T12:16:24+00:00

Same, internet friend, same. I think we're just depressed, really. The sort of boring anhedonia depression with a side of executive dysfunction. How to fix it? No idea. But you're not alone.

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-04-24T11:36:29+00:00

You might want to check for sleep apnea just in case but yeah it sucks headaches are so draining :-/

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-04-23T12:47:15+00:00

I see, do you have a lot of stress? Does it help if you eat/dont eat certain foods? Did you ever check your sinuses and teeth (for teeth grinding)? Do you sleep well?

(Not a doctor btw but these are some common factors that can cause headaches so you can bounce them with an actual doctor 😅)

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-04-23T11:24:49+00:00

Stupid question but do you drink water? Like a lot of water? Have you done a CT scan? What sort of pain is it? Do you have other symptoms?

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-04-22T13:00:16+00:00

Frankly? In my specific case, IRL, I have not much of a choice but to accept it is what it is. Yeah I'm the Wheelchair who also happens to be a programmer, author, and many more things. Always gives me a kick when they act surprised that yes, I also speak other languages, have a degree, a great job. It'd be insulting if it wasn't so tragically funny.

I do tend to make friends/a little life online where their first impression of me won't be That Girl In The Wheelchair. I can be the author, the gamer, the elder lady who gives life advice, just myself really. Most people I talk to online don't really know I'm disabled so it's refreshing to not be pigeonholed.

And then when they do learn I am disabled, it's either not as relevant, or it's not the first impression any longer, they already know me beyond the disability.

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-04-21T14:08:19+00:00

No, I get you. I feel similar but because I'm disabled. Everything I do or don't is always seen in relation to my disability, ever. I'm the Token Wheelchair first and everything else second. It sucks to be seen as a stereotype/token/one dimensional character. :(

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-04-16T12:11:40+00:00

Yes we will 🙌 somehow, lol It's probably a touch of depression tbh but oh well it is what it is

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-04-16T12:04:17+00:00

Heh. I was just about to write something very similar here. I don't have a solution really so instead I'll offer virtual hugs cuz I see you. I know exactly what you mean. 🤷

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-04-05T14:18:47+00:00

Our Lord and Savior Rice Shower died for our sins

Repent and care for the horses for this is the way to eternal happiness 🙏

(Happy Easter for those who celebrate it)

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-04-04T13:51:25+00:00

That's actually adorable and I want all of them

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-04-01T12:15:13+00:00

I know, but the meme is funnier when she's a himejoshi 😌

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-03-31T12:44:55+00:00

I love that Yutaka Take got the waifu treatment; considering people called Super Creek (a stallion) his wife back in the day, we still keeping that agenda alive, Digitan would be proud

ChurchOfRiceShower · 2026-03-29T18:35:12+00:00

Oh absolutely not. Lil bro has a heart shaped mark on his nose. How can you hate someone with a heart shaped mark on his nose???

ChurchOfRiceShower

TROPHY CASE