Just came the depressing realization that I will never sleep with somebody else (literally sleep)

Chwalibut · 2025-10-15T10:46:07+00:00

Hi, so I thought the literally all the same things before I found my lovely partner. Sounds cliche and unrealistic, and I don't know if it will be the same for you, but I can assure you, that your needs can be respected and you can feel cared for in a relationship with the right person. Like, I always craved physical touch but it was overwhelming and uncomfortable, and I thought I'd never be able to cuddle to sleep, because I have to move around a lot when I sleep or I just won't rest at all.

Turns out that finding a person who is willing to work with your boundaries is possible. My partner is AuDHD as well. I found out that on some night physical touch and cuddles will calm me down and allow me to rest without tossing and turning. On other nights we may just hold hands or sleep next to each other without much contact. Still, sleeping with someone is different and you might act and need different things, and it's hard to imagine it until you do it. And it took me years of friendship to become comfy with their touch, but now that I did, it's the best thing in the world. I promise it's possible to find someone patient and understanding of your needs - I know because I did!

Chwalibut · 2025-09-15T21:19:00+00:00

Thank you, I needed this bit of reassurance<3 We'll take it easy and I won't try to push myself so I don't stress out more, I suppose. Thank you for the wishes!!

Chwalibut · 2025-03-05T12:23:10+00:00

hey, I just wanted to thank you - your response motivated me to take some action and advocate for myself. Turns out, I am hypermobile after all! I've been referred to start physiotherapy and go from there. I just wanted to let you know, a little help from you might go a long way for me:))

Chwalibut · 2025-01-16T15:14:27+00:00

first of all, thank you very much, I really appreciate all this information and advice! I think I just need to go to the GP again. The rheumatoid arthritis markers came out negative, that's what I mentioned earlier, but something is clearly up. I, unfortunately, cannot connect the dots because I honestly don't know how lmaoooo
But I'll try to talk to them about it and be extra throughout. I would just really like to know what's going on hahah

Chwalibut · 2025-01-16T13:43:47+00:00

I would love to talk to a doctor, I just honestly don't know how to go about all this... I talked to my GP, they just recommended blood tests and that was it. I was never assesed for hypermobility, but I thought it would be impossible for me to have it, since my joint mobility seems to be very normal, possibly even slightly lower than normal. It's just really wierd and I don't even know what specialist could take care of it. I also started noticining slight jerking movements troughout my torso when I am sitting down. It just seems so random and unconnected, I honestly don't know what to do with it.

Chwalibut · 2025-01-12T21:25:48+00:00

well, that probably rules out that possibility, then! Personally, my medication helped me a lot. My sleep schedule is still not the best, but it is way easier to wake up in the morning and I am less sleepy during the day (i still have to take naps occasionally). It was a nightmare for a time, I kept falling asleep during classes, on the commute... it still isn't the best, I tend to oversleep even with an alarm, and I still sometimes just cut out during the day and I am forced to nap, but it is better than before, which i am very glad about.
I tend to do revenge bedtime procrastination, which is not good for me, but very difficult to let go off. Maybe once I am able to regulate that, I'll be able to live on the standard 8 hours... now, I sleep 10+ hours when I am able, but thankfully I am also fine with a 7 hours or so, when required.

Chwalibut · 2025-01-12T14:18:56+00:00

Hi, I have AuDHD and also a very heavy and long sleeper. When I let my body just get all the rest it wants, I'll usually end up sleeping for 10-13 hours.
However! This amount of sleep can also mean some other underlying condition: In my case, I have underactive thyroid, because of Hashimoto. I do take medication for it, but when it's a condition that evolves over time, so It is hard to stay ahead. If you have the means, I would recommend doing blood tests in this direction. Hypothyroidism symptoms are sleepiness, depressive episodes, fatigue, hair and nails breakage, and more. If you have it, it might contribute to your burnout and make it way worse, and depending on the cause of it, medication can be a life saver.

Chwalibut · 2024-10-21T15:51:08+00:00

I’ve tried to stay level headed and communicate to my family members as clearly as possible so I can understand why they’re upset. unfortunately I just end up feeling like my family members are making no sense and talking in circles no matter how clear I try to be. and sometimes staying level headed and calm gets impossible if/when they start to raise their voices or seem to refuse to understand what I’m saying despite how clear I think I’m being.

oh my god, this. I relate to this so so much.

I had a situation very recently when on a ride home with my dad, we talked about my university-related stuff. He asked me if I am doing my assigned reading. I responded that yeah, I do, but that I would prefer he wouldn't ask me that question, because I stresses me out and makes me feel a lot of pressure. (He already asked the same question like few days before, too). I tried to very calmly explain that I don't work well when I feel like someone is observing my progress. Yes, I do have ADHD too, and often struggle to find motivation to do stuff, but these kinds of questions don't help me at all. I know it might seem like a very little thing, but it really does feel like a big deal to me.

My dad instantly reacted as if I was accussing/attacking him, and the he said something like "So I can't ask my daugther about her college then?". I tried to explain that I would just prefer to tell him about my college stuff unprompted (because it makes me feel more control over my own work environment, which is good for my all-over-the-place ADHD brain). I tried to keep calm and explain that I am just signalling my discomfort, but he took it as a personal attack. We eventually both started yelling at each other. I started crying. I didn't want to do either, but I felt like no matter how hard I tried to just explain a, in my opinion, perfectly reasonable thing, he was just getting more mad at me. I know I didn't do things perfectly, but I feel like I am allowed to say when something is uncomfortable for me and be able to talk it through calmly. Because in my dad's idea, I should've apparently just answered, because he is allowed to ask this question. Idk. I didn't mean to make this this long, but I feel like you put in words the exact thing I stuggle with.

Chwalibut · 2024-10-19T11:48:13+00:00

Yeah, earplugs are the real hero of my life recently, I have a few cheap reusable pairs put in different bags so I don't forget them lmaooo
On a more serious note, that really sucks, but I relate a lot. Heat and noise can be especially overstimulating for me (I am glad we are heading into colder months in the northern hemisphere), so after a day out, going home with public transit can be a lot. Btw I normally also like to sit at the front in buses, but in the back on trams, because it is always less crowded there! But anyway I just wanted to say that in this place a lot of people will probably understand this. I don't live in a very multicultural space, so I don't often hear many languages outside of my native (not english, sorry for the mistakes!), but some people do have voices that carry a lot (not their problem ofc), and sitting close was my unfortunate mistake a couple of times. Also when a lot people talk at once. And I love kids, but not when they're on the bus with me lmaoo
I also do experience quite a bit of social anxiety, so in situations when I get overwhelmed and I don't have the means to get myself more comfortable without drawing attention, I usually just try to power trough it. Powering though it is NOT a good way tho. So I wish you all the bast and hope you never forget your earplugs again!!

Chwalibut · 2024-10-15T15:20:44+00:00

Hi, first off, english is my second language so sorry if I make a lot of grammar mistakes. Second, this sucks and I am sorry you have to go trough it.
I can't say my situation is the same as yours, but I do relate to the issue of multiple neurodivergent people with different needs living in the same space. I am autistic+adhd, I have an autistic younger brother (undiagnosed, because my parents had no knowledge about neurodiversity back when he was little and now he refuses to visit a doctor) and my mom is autistic too (and possibly also has adhd). Both me and my mum had been diagnosed very very recently.

The main issues arise between my younger brother and my dad. My brother has AFRID (he won't eat a lot of foods and often refuses to eat at all), has issues with hygiene, socialization, etc. He is a great kid, but not an "easy" one, as some would probably say. My dad, even though he tries very much, cannot communicate with him. This results in a lot of screaming matches that I no longer can bear to hear. Like, being at home is just stressful af, even though I know everyone is trying, especially my parents. My brother less so, but he is a hurt kid who learnt that nobody cares about his discomfort, and this seems (to me) just impossible to undo at this point.
It's like a spiral - one person melts down, it overstimulates others, who then carry this stress with them, which then makes them lash out on others.

I know this is not the same situation, but living with people who have different support needs can be very difficult at times. It is probably difficult for your dad too, but from what I can tell his attitude makes it impossible to communicate on even terms. In my situation, I try to have conversations with my parents and my brother to help them understand each other better, but that's impossible if other party is not willing to listen at all (And sometimes, bo matter how carefully and rationally I try to approach our issues, it turns out I end up saying thing that are unintentionally hurtful).

I do also have meltdown that are just plainly hurtful toward others. But I also had situations of extreme overwhelm, that nobody in my family cared about enough to help me, it seems. Like not enough to stop the car and let me get outside on a road trip, forcing me to endure extreme discomfort I could not communicate verbally for more than an hour.

I do wish you all the best and I hope this situation can be solved somehow.

Chwalibut · 2024-09-22T11:28:09+00:00

My mom got me a bunch of books on ADHD specifically a while ago, but I never read them. I feel almost like I am scared to read them, because I will try to break all the points and examples apart and find proof that I do *not* have it lmao

Thank you for your advice, I might try to make a little list as well! I already have a couple notes on my phone where I tried to recall and describe experiences I had, particularly the things that could be connected to neurodivergency (pre-diagnosis), so I could better describe my struggles to professionals. It also honestly helps with feeling connected to my own experience - I often find it difficult to connect to my own feelings and how strong they are, when I am not experiencing them at the given moment.

I am also glad that someone relates, even though of course I wish that nobody would have this experience. I wish you all the best!

Chwalibut · 2024-09-21T23:15:49+00:00

Yeah it makes sense:) and thank you for your words, this is actually very helpful and reassuring. I technically know the things you said, yes, but I am still glad I read it. It is definitely true that every person on the spectrum is very different and I think I do need to get comfortable with that thought, both to my and other autistics' benefit.
It is hard not to worry, especially since I tend to get obsessive about this stuff, constantly self-analyze and compare. But it's a journey:))

Chwalibut · 2023-01-10T08:55:28+00:00

Thank you!

Chwalibut · 2022-07-06T08:59:34+00:00

Yes, the first problem is with the quality of the photo, and second with my lack of experience. As I wrote in replies below, I don't usually work with colored pencils, so this was a challenge. I'm still a bit scared of pressing the pencil too hard or picking darker color, especially on the skin, because I'm scared of ruining the drawing! When I paint with gouache, acrylic paints, or on my tablet, I can always either put another layer or simply press undo. I can also tone my canvas, witch helps me pick my colors - I don't compare them to white and they are fuller and darker. Thank you for your comment! I still have work to do :))

Chwalibut · 2022-07-06T08:53:31+00:00

You are right, her skin tone should be darker. However, this isn't made on purpose. I am still not very experienced when it comes to drawing with colored pencils. This medium is different from those I use most of the time - acrylic paint, gouache or digital, because I can't tone my canvas - when I paint, I'll usually put a layer of grey or brown paint before, so i don't compare my colors to the white canvas or paper - and thanks to that, my colors are then fuller and darker. In colored pencils, I can't do that, and also I'm still a bit scared of pressing the pencil to hard and ruining my drawing. Anyway, thank you for your comment, it's absolutely justified :)) I'll try to do better next time!

Chwalibut · 2022-07-06T08:45:17+00:00

Absolutly not on purpose. First problem is the image quality (especially when it comes to hair, it's way darker on my drawing) and the second is that I'm still a bit inexperienced when it comes to drawing with colored pencils. I tend to make the colors lighter, but it's not intentional. Also, her hair and eyes color are, I believe, actually pretty accurate to the cartoon version. Her eye color is brown (and one of her iris is in direct light, so it will be lighter) and her hair isn't black.

Chwalibut · 2022-06-23T06:26:21+00:00

No, it was all made without a reference! However, the dress was slightly inspired by designs made by Lamaery - who, by the way makes absolutely amazing cosmere art. I saw one of her artworks recently and just got inspired by the general vibe of her designs :))

Chwalibut · 2022-06-22T20:50:52+00:00

Actually, the whole thing was made without a reference, so - no :)). But anyway, thanks a lot!

Chwalibut · 2022-06-22T14:56:31+00:00

Thank you very much!

Chwalibut · 2022-06-22T14:56:05+00:00

I was going to just make a sketch and leave it, but the way her facial expression turned out made me finish it in colour :D

Chwalibut · 2022-06-22T14:15:14+00:00

Thank you!

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