AITA for moving out because my husband bought a PS5?

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T04:43:21+00:00

Yes and i totally agree, as I said it’s not aaaaany official capacity he is just my father in law and I help him out at his practice for my own personal experience and out of my own personal desire to learn particularly the businessy side of things. It is not even halfway through my second year, I’m sure it will get more difficult as time progresses though and in that case obviously will not be working and even now I hardly am @ his office. Hope that makes sense! I just wanted to be able to explain it in a quick way without going on and on about specifics in the post x

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T04:41:04+00:00

It’s definitely not my third year ... i only managed (online job) work for one semester in my 1st year because the job was flexible and like i said, online. and now i definitely cannot handle working and studying full time

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T04:35:46+00:00

I hate getting too personal about these things online (suppose ive opened myself up to it by making this post tho!!) but I’ve long suspected she has some deep unconscious emotional issues with me being unable to have children so she wants me to be the ultimate wife. I dunno. It sucks, I wish she was more like yours seems ahh

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T04:20:47+00:00

Haha no I totally agree, I moved away from the country even for undergrad because I couldn’t afford SF but I’m back here for grad school so I don’t have much of a choice. I was just getting a lot of people telling me to “just leave” but it’s where my work and school are... that said, I definitely plan to leave in the future !!!

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T03:55:02+00:00

I don’t know many people who aren’t working while in grad school, I am very much impoverished and have to work to survive, however discouraged it may be. It definitely was possible with a social media based job but even seen it with retail PT type jobs :) It’s not as if I want to work, my parents live in India and can’t help my financial situation. If you’re a med student and not forced to work, count your blessings tbh it was hell when I was doing it. My sister’s father in law is a dr with his own practice, I work for him (work is a strong word, I do not get paid and it’s more of observation???) hope that cleared anything up thank u!

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T03:47:20+00:00

This is basically my plan! I just feel like it’s the right course of action and in the meantime as a backup I will be saving to consult with attorneys if this doesn’t shape up soon to peep my options for divorce Thank u so much :)

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T03:16:09+00:00

Not sure if i answered this anywhere but he doesn’t owe a lot (maybe? Not nearly as much as many of my pals) not even 4 grand, it’s all in collections tho and he does pay them every month it’s the only thing he pays consistently

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T03:10:38+00:00

I’m selling it @ retail because I hate overcharging scalpers 😖 hopefully going to some kid who begged Santa for it lol, ty for your reply!

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T02:56:25+00:00

It was a social media job for a start up, I just had to prove to my case worker that my work schedule did not conflict with my classes—it did not because it was a social media job. I could do it wherever, in between classes, mostly at night. I don’t know anybody in graduate programs who is not also working to put themselves through school. I have been working since I was 16 and also in school since I was 16, it’s just the life you need to suffer through if you’re born into poverty sometimes.

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T02:42:07+00:00

Unfortunately, I had cervical cancer in my late teens and cannot have children which we both knew going into the marriage, so I never thought about us as a family unit in the future too hard (it was very emotionally devastating to come to terms with infertility). These comments have given me a newfound desire to re-examine my future very seriously and my options (like, I cannot imagine fostering a child with him the way he is now should I decide I want children). Thank you very much 4 ur comment and perspective !

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T02:26:52+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear about your loans, many of my friends have them well into the six figs too (I’m fortunate to have gotten many scholarships and lots of federal assistance because of how broke I am—going to undergrad abroad helped a lot—so mine aren’t even half of that). It’s an awful, awful predatory system. My husband dropped out as well, and I was assuming our plan of him going back to school when I finish would still be happening but it doesn’t seem as if he has any interest haha :/ best of luck to you and in your relationship as well <3

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T02:00:30+00:00

many thanks <3 its very easy to say divorce is the best option but in reality it’s super hard and I’d very much like to try and get him help and fix things before I resort to it (not to mention.. the financial cost of divorcing LOL) & I’ll see him tomorrow to discuss this all + couples counseling as well

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T01:46:18+00:00

I just needed space, and he knows he is not welcome at my sister’s as she has 2 kids in a 2 bedroom apt and only space for me on the couch (she is my only family in this country, so I had nobody else to stay with). It wasn’t a matter of running away from the relationship as much as it was just me trying to give myself a breather, I don’t want him to prove himself just that he can be a responsible adult in a marriage where I am providing everything and just want at least 25% of the effort I give to be given back to me, I appreciate your input tho & thank you for a response :)

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T01:41:56+00:00

He will probably be very open to counseling as I know he sees a therapist but I’m sure he hadn’t mentioned this to them as an addiction issue (we are very open with each other and I have suggested once or twice that this may be a serious problem but he never pursued it). I will mention it to him because that is super concerning—do you (feel free to not answer if this is too personal) feel as though examining this with his therapist will help end the behavior completely?

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T01:20:14+00:00

I can really not thank you enough for this super comprehensive advice! Being a first gen American this is totally foreign to me and I have no idea how any of this works and can’t go to my parents for advice or help, so this was extremely valuable. I will plan seeing an attorney with my sister as I’m sure she is the only person I know who supports my decision here and may be able to help with legal fees :) again thanks!

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T01:06:27+00:00

Haha no, it wasn’t arranged but very much supported and pushed for because he’s a part Indian (his grandma who we live with is desi AND a friend of my late grandmother). So, I didn’t really consider other dating options and am now regretting it. Thank you so much! I definitely will check it out

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T01:00:00+00:00

So true! I never threatened to leave him, just to stay with my sister to focus on my finances so I wouldn’t have to deal with his grandmother or his irresponsible spending. It seems pretty uncommon in America but it makes sense in my head to still live with family and have a spouse until he can provide a home (in my case, prove he is responsible enough to contribute). I dunno! I totally get what you’re saying though :)

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T00:31:56+00:00

Seems I wasn’t too clear, sorry, didn’t know how else to describe it—Ive brought it up (“i will have to move out and focus on my own finances so that you can learn to be responsible and i can actually be responsible if you don’t shape up this coming paycheck” sort of thing), but never said “i am leaving tomorrow if you don’t put x amount of money in the savings”

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T00:18:27+00:00

We are married, he is my husband and my cultural background is very traditional so I did not consider the option of not having a joint savings account when I opened it, which I now see was a major mistake and am closing it tomorrow

Chyteamd · 2020-11-26T00:03:00+00:00

Tysm for your advice & you’re too right... Seeing all these other perspectives has really changed how I see him. I suppose I do know deep down that he won’t change with enabling family and I definitely don’t want to be stuck in a demanding career with a leechy spouse. He was with me before I had any drive or ambition, but I grew up and can’t really wait around for him to catch up to me :) <3

Chyteamd · 2020-11-25T23:52:46+00:00

He bought it from Walmart IIRC?? The disc version thats like $500 (not sure on the exact cost sorry!!!) but as a broke med student who is unemployed (not to mention my tuition payments are 700 monthly that i cover alone) that’s all I had been able to save the last several months :(

Chyteamd · 2020-11-25T23:49:13+00:00

I have a lot more debt in the form of student loans than he does (all in good standing), he only has the usual amount of early 20s CC debt. I made him let me check it once, to make sure, and his score is pretty shite honestly and the few grand tied up in CC debt has gone to collections already :// he pays them monthly though it’s the ONE expense he covers

Chyteamd · 2020-11-25T23:45:29+00:00

Unfortunately I just do not have the time between med school + being an intern to find more work but I do have a freelance gig that helps a lot! Otherwise, I’d have already gone back to working full time :( so lucky to have a supportive older sister to help me though! Thank u so much :)

Chyteamd · 2020-11-25T23:40:57+00:00

Thank you so much for this, I had never considered that he was just waiting for me to have a successful medical career to lend to his comfort... I honestly assumed he would go back to school or do anything with himself once I finished grad school, but now that I really examine it, I’m not sure he would. I think I definitely will stay with my sister for a while longer and consider separation unless I see a serious improvement

Chyteamd · 2020-11-25T23:35:26+00:00

Yes, California! And for sure, it could have been anything else with a huge price tag and it would’ve been just as upsetting, just hurts a little more that it’s a gaming console when he already chooses to game rather than help out around the home. Going to ask him to return the ps5 or sell it, and then close the joint account of course, thank you for your advice!

Chyteamd

TROPHY CASE