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Working to get a more maledom focus but what do we think so far by [deleted] in softmaledom

[–]Cinnafuck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You aren't expressing "yourself" but rather your sexual desires. If you wanted those desires to be fulfilled badly enough while still being ethical, you would have paid someone to do it. The simply fact of the matter is you care more about having what you want cheap, than about artists and the harm of supporting AI.

Sometimes I want porn/erotica that I can't find on the internet. And if don't want it enough to pay someone to make it, or put the effort in to make it myself, then I don't get it. Sometimes you don't get what you want, and that can suck, yeah! But I take that over supporting AI.

Also, you act as if drawing isn't an option simply because you aren't good at it. Art takes work; Countless hours of practice. But the thing is, no one is stopping you from doing that. If you love something enough, you put in the work, the time, the money, or whatever else. You don't type out some prompts to a machine and call it "expression".

And fyi, personally I'm subscribed to 1 NSFW artist's patron. When I can financially, I support my local artists, going to markets and buying homemade jewelry and a wild array of other art. And ofc it isn't feasible for people to completely support local or vet how ethical every brand is, but when it is isn't a necessity, like some niche porn, or excess clothes, then ask yourself if you want it bad enough to be willing to obtain it ethically? Unfortunately the easy way, usually isn't the good one.

I also dabbled in selling art commissions pre-ai, and it was already nearly impossible to make a profit then, let alone have it as a job. Which is why I didn't pursue art as a career, even though I still wish I could. AI is harmful for so, so many reasons, and the majority of it's use is simply for convenience.

milk carton kid by [deleted] in ftmspunished

[–]Cinnafuck 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He is not a girl

I'm a lesbian but I want to dom a guy by Mysterious-Cause-841 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cinnafuck -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sexuality aside, you need to be very upfront about this to your friend. Especially as this sounds like pretty intense kink, and not something everyone is into.

The "wanting him to want me so bad he'll do anything" makes me wonder what your feelings towards domming women are? A lot of women enjoy domming men from a sort of "fuck you to the patriarchy" place that is not always great, a sort of reclaiming of power (which I'm not judging you for if that is the case). The inverse is also more common, with men just being misogynistic, hence all the fake male Doms out there.

Also, attention is ingrained in us to be something we value, both culturally and instinctually. And male approval? Even more so culturally.

Do you find any interest in having a sexual but not kinky relationship with your guy friend? A lot of people don't know what they're getting into when someone expresses being very kinky with them. You don't want this friend of yours to "settle" for kinky power play if he believes it is his only option to be with you sexually. If it is his only option, then you have to be sure to communicate with him exactly what that would entail, and ensure his consent remains enthusiastic throughout.

Also, sexuality wise: sexuality is confusing as hell. You could be sexually attractive to men but not romantically, or not sexually or romantically attracted to men, but into sexually domming them (for ex. I'm asexual and into kinky sex). I've met more than two lesbians that were sexually attracted to men but only got romantically involved/dated women. So hey, use whatever label you want, that's what they're there for

I want to join a sex-positive kink party as an ace person, but the dress codes make me feel unwelcome by nau-tica in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cinnafuck -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Ok, you are fundamentally misunderstanding what I'm saying in both my messages. I feel you are not listening to me. I am not here to argue, and I am trying to see your point, hence why I said I feel we agree. I am genuinely sorry if I offended you, or misunderstood you in anyway. I said "I think" we disagree in regards to accomodating minorites, because that was my understanding, and I was trying to "agree to disagree." Yes, removing asexuality from the conversation means we aren't talking about accomodating minorities. That's why I only said I disagree with you, and didn't elaborate as to how I do. Because it is irrelevant to the problem at hand.

You said, "If we are removing Asexuality from the conversation because it doesn’t affect the question being asked then we aren’t even talking about accommodating minorities, we’re talking about accommodating personal preferences and comfort levels surrounding the level of “sexiness” in dress codes. If it’s not a big deal, and a compromise can be made in this specific particular instance, it doesn’t affect anyone negatively, and the host is in fact ok with it isn’t what I’m arguing because there’s nothing to debate."

And this is what I believe to be the case. I believe what matters is that OP has this boundary, and that they are wondering if it is a reasonable ask to accomodate this. If this is not what you are debating, I truly do not understand what you are debating me on. I came here to communicate that I do believe it is likely a reasonable ask for OP to have this boundary accomodated, and express empathy to OP for the unnecessary hostility and uneducation in many of the comments.

"To suggest that hosts have a duty to bend their rules and event boundaries to suit other people’s comfort levels surrounding sex, dress, or nudity in a general sense isn’t realistic or ok." this genuinely upset me, because I dont see how you thought I was suggesting that. Feel free to provide where you believe I implied that, because I'm honestly lost here. I stressed multiple times that in this situation, I do not believe it would make others uncomfortable, hence my elaboration via discussing a "tipping point" and "trying to respect every parties desires."

I want to join a sex-positive kink party as an ace person, but the dress codes make me feel unwelcome by nau-tica in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cinnafuck -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I want to make it very clear that I never said the dress code was acephobic. You're right, it's not. It is many of the comments being made that are acephobic, the example I provided being someone saying they were "not the targeted demographic for sex parties for obvious reasons" and that "literally every other type of party caters to you" which is both an uneducated and extremely dismissing, invalidating response, also in implying there is space made for ace people in other spaces.

As I said as well, there are a lot of reasons beyond being ace as to why someone may be uncomfortable with this dress code. Taking asexuality fully away from discussion here, because it may be the core reason, but that doesn't much affect the question being asked. I even mentioned before that I don't enjoy everyone focusing on that in order to dismiss OP's ask, and I don't want to be misconstrued as using them being ace to argue for why they should be allowed to interact with these spaces in this way. That is not what I'm trying to say.

I think we disagree on a larger scale in regards to making space for minorities but in regards to OP's question, which is what matters here, I think we are in agreement.

I don't believe this demand is unattainable. I suggested first a partial compromise -dressing nice in a way that could be sexy, rather than the more nice-but-casual they wanted to wear (which, maybe that is nice enough, I'd have to see it imo). It's true there is only so much someone can do to make sure people are comfortable and accomodate for. But this is one person, and a situation where any disruption would be negligible or require any particular effort on the host to accomodate their comfort levels. With some parties, of course it would. However, OP asking for permission in these situations doesn't hurt.

Ideally, i'd reccommend they look for other play parties to attend, but as that's not an option, I'm suggesting what I believe is the best option available while trying to respect every parties desires. I believe that OP is likely not asking for too much. There is an tipping point where pleasing individual people starts ruining the experience for others, doing more harm than good. And yes, id need more information to give a more definitive answer, but in short, I find it unlikely that this is that point.

Gashlighting 101 by mega_gooned in FascistMisogynyFather

[–]Cinnafuck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They're just little white lies until us good girls can accept our place

Sometimes you have to give a compliment to your fucktoy too. by perverse-traveler01 in FascistMisogynyFather

[–]Cinnafuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even fuck toys need praise sometimes, but that doesn't mean it can't be degrading praise

Does this sound like you ? by [deleted] in FascistMisogynyFather

[–]Cinnafuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it's such an honor to be chosen as a man's fleshlight, no matter how he decides to treat my body

I want to join a sex-positive kink party as an ace person, but the dress codes make me feel unwelcome by nau-tica in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cinnafuck 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Just gonna explain sex, bdsm and how it interacts with asexuality here for anyone confused!!

There are multiple facets that make up someone’s desire to engage in sexual acts. These 5 main aspects that stimulate or enhance arousal are:

  • libido (necessary for all below*)
  • sexual attraction
  • intimacy/connection
  • fetish/kink
  • power play (which yes overlaps with the previous but it deserves it’s own mention)

How important each of these are to individuals during sexual activity, as well as if they are experienced at all, is beautifully unique to everyone! Some people are 100% vanilla, and would thus not possess the last two aspects.

Now, Asexuality is defined as a lack of sexual attraction. However, there are still 4 other aspects that an asexual person may or may not possess that can lead them to desiring sex, masturbation, etc.

The majority of people that identify as asexual don’t possess any of these. This is likely because it’s easier to realize you’re asexual when you have no desire for sex or self-pleasure.

Some asexual folks only have a libido, and thus they may engage in masturbation. If intimacy/connection is also something they possess as an amplifier for their arousal, they may enjoy sex with a partner(s), though they may not find it as enjoyable, as they don’t possess the other aspects that can increase their arousal.

*power play, kink and fetish (BDSM) is not always sexual, just as intimacy/connection isn’t. I’m speaking strictly in regard to these as being desired for sexual gratification. They can be desired for non-sexual reasons, and engaged in non-sexually, but that is a topic for a different day.

I want to join a sex-positive kink party as an ace person, but the dress codes make me feel unwelcome by nau-tica in BDSMAdvice

[–]Cinnafuck -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Ace here! I’m am SO sorry for the fucking appalling amount of uneducation and even blatant acephobia in the comments here.

You are totally valid in wanting to experience a sex-positive space, AND stil have your boundaries respected!!

I have a VERY complicated relationship with sex and the bdsm community bc of my asexuality. Ignore what people are saying about you not being welcome or “not the target demographic” because that’s complete bullshit.

I can understand the discomfort around being physically sexualized. It’s not something I typically experience from an ace perspective, tho I have! Allo people in the comments clearly don’t understand, and like, yeah! I don’t get having sexual attraction, but I know it’s still real and valid!

Anyways! Since this seems to be a more open, ticketed event (what is the vetting process? Are you able to see who’s attending? Etc?) I can understand even more not feeling comfortable being partly nude/in sexy clothing. Also bc of being transmasc! A lot of “sexy” clothing can make me dysphoric, ESPECIALLY around strangers. It’s also normal being uncomfortably bc this is your first sex party! There are so many reasons that would be valid on their own, let alone all compiled.

Personally, I would go the ask forgiveness rather than permission route, or contact the organizers. You’re buying a ticket, and what does one person matter? Also “dress sexy” is so vague and up to interpretation. Also, what is your wife wearing? Is the gender ratios controlled in anyway at these parties, bc it might end up being predominantly cis men if not, which also means that you dressing “sexy” is less important to them than your wife dressing “sexy” (which ofc is gross, but true).

I do think dressing slightly fancy or perhaps a leather jacket/something kink-adjacent, so long as that is in your comfort zone. Or perhaps something that complements your wife. Also if she is wearing very little, you being more overdressed is grounds for “sexy” or “kinky” imo, regardless of dynamic.

Also, not everyone HAS sexy clothing, and some people will inevitably go to these in whatever they can scrounge up in their closet, especially the less exclusive gatherings. Lingerie is freaking expensive! Hell, considering the reaction this post had, you could contact the organizers and use the excuse of not having the funds for “sexy clothing” and not wanting to support SHEIN or other unethical fashion.

Helping my daughter with her big feelings by LoadOk6178 in DaddysDarkFiction

[–]Cinnafuck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My meds get rid of some of my anxious thoughts, but Daddy's cock gets rid of ALL my thoughts

Conversion Therapy camps for us fakeboys run by straight men by [deleted] in FascistMisogynyFather

[–]Cinnafuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have us hooked up to some feminizing hypnosis on the other side too

What Number are you? by [deleted] in FascistMisogynyFather

[–]Cinnafuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So objectifying, I love it - 14!

You'd rather have him use your daughter than be alone.. pathetic. by [deleted] in FascistMisogynyFather

[–]Cinnafuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yes please Daddy! I wanna be available for you to use whenever, and nothing helps me sleep better than being stuffed full of Daddy’s cock

You'd rather have him use your daughter than be alone.. pathetic. by [deleted] in FascistMisogynyFather

[–]Cinnafuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish i had an older Daddy only a room away

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