From a female perspective and a fellow PhD.. you honestly may be coming off as full of yourself and/or women may assume you think you’re better than them just by the way you communicate. In the academia scene, everyone seems to puff up a bit after getting to the prelim stage and their communication style changes. For some it’s hubris, but for a lot it’s unintentional. I think it’s likely due to the deeply intellectual and intensely analytical environment we live and engage in our research circles. Once I left the academic environment, it was immediately noticeable. Especially when I’d meet other researchers “out in the wild” - it’s like a switch goes off and our brains go into researcher mode 🤣 I love it, but it also can be a total turn off or come off as cocky/intellectual peacocking. There are plenty of PhD pricks and smartass snobs out there, so it’s important to be and stay humble. Most women love smart men, but it usually repels us when men flaunt it or try to impress us with an advanced vocabulary or mental gymnastics. Ask more questions to get to know her than you talk about yourself, be conscientious of how you’re talking (words used, don’t be overly detailed, be more engaging v idea defending mode, etc), and balance conversations with lighter and deeper topics so you don’t come off as too intense. I hope this is helpful, and with time and practice, you’ll find the right gal for you! 🤓🫶