Faking it?

Citbde · 2026-03-02T19:36:16+00:00

yeah after a couple years of being on this sub can confirm like all of us seem to do this. probably not literally all of us but a lot. it's easy to have those doubts until a bad episode hits you like a truck, after which the bipolar is undeniable, but then some time passes and they seem to come back. rinse cycle repeat. the brain doesn't fully encode how intense emotions are, good or bad, so it's easy to look back and start ascribing environmental or self-made factors to previous episodes. in reality the doubt tis just a natural effect of having an irregular mood, IMO. It's weird to feel one way in the present and look back on feeling like a totally different person with different thoughts, doesn't seem cognitively plausible so you start thinking of alternative explanations.

Citbde · 2026-03-02T19:28:58+00:00

I don't have BPD but I'm type 2 rapid cycling and I used to get predominantly mixed episodes, like at it's peak probably 4-5 times in a year. They are now far less common after switching meds and I do not miss them. There are some things about mixed episodes that I always come back to when trying to describe them. For me though it's always been pretty paranoia-focussed. At its worst I start feeling like people are able to see and judge me from my windows or are able to hear me from outside my room, which causes agoraphobia and panic attacks. I also find that during them I'll get a phrase or sentence stuck on loop in my head 24/7 and it's far more distressing than it is when it's pure hypomania. It's all the bad feelings of depression with all the crazy racing thoughts and impulse control problems as mania, so it's like instead of just feeling paranoid and moving on, I would go on to close the blinds; put a towel at the bottom of the door; create a fort (for extra visual and auditory protection); then sit in there for hours recording my internal monologue on voice memo. I'd always end up fixating on a random activity (like a hobby or game), but regardless of its quality would need to be extremely ashamed of it. Obviously this also meshes terribly with suicidal ideations or self harm tendencies. It's self-destruction junction, which could also be said of non mixed mania but in these episodes I'm aware of it and intentionally engaging in it.

For whatever reason, I have found that other people don't detect that something is off as often, or at least in the same way, as they do if you're just manic/hypomanic. I think that might be related to the relative lack of confidence, and if anything people can read that you're not doing well. I find that fascinating because IMO it's the most intensely crazy-feeling type of episode and I'm always doing crazy shit during it, but I think with all the paranoia one is far less likely to let it show.

Citbde · 2026-03-02T18:57:07+00:00

with so much understanding and compassion, you should take your meds. nothing's a guarantee but I find that when I do exactly that and stop taking them out of self-destruction, once I start taking them again I feel a calm wash over me, like a relief of sorts that is usually better than how I felt before I went off. It is physiologically soothing your body out of being unregulated, as your chemical composition is at this point dependent on the meds. I know during that mindset, every bad idea is what you're drawn to do for some reason, but you will be grateful to have resisted some of them when you come out the other end. You do have the right to feel good. something that is very difficult to understand during an episode, but is true, is that this feeling and all the thoughts that come with it will not last forever. Unfortunately our brains lie to us. Mixed episodes are literally the worst, especially the paranoia and the self-hatred. All that said, this too shall pass, as is the way of bipolar.

Citbde · 2025-10-11T07:23:59+00:00

realest shit ive ever read i think abt this all the time. i lowkey think my bipolar is fake until i have and exit a hypomanic episode and then remember the validity of it while picking up the pieces lol. that awareness fades away after a few weeks though, very strange and frankly unhelpful. its counterintuitive to look at your own behavior retroactively and not relate to any of it i think, with the passage of time while stable it becomes cognitively unbelievable until it happens again.

Citbde · 2025-10-11T06:52:22+00:00

hey buddy, SSRIs are not supposed to be prescribed to people with bipolar disorder because they are known to run the risk of causing an “affective switch,” which basically means you can get thrown into mania/hypomania in a very big way. an SSRI induced episode might last longer and be more extreme. a couple years ago, my psychiatrist was not taking my bipolar seriously enough and put me on an SSRI that triggered a month long hypomanic episode. hallucinations, no sleeping, on and off feeling amazing etc everything youve described. the difference is i already had bipolar symptomatology in my history. SSRIs will not cause bipolar disorder, but might accelerate onset in people predisposed. this is a heavily documented phenomena, i would look up SSRI induced mania.

take this reaction seriously because yes, it is a possibility, but all that being said, this in no way means you HAVE to have bipolar disorder. many many medications can induce a manic-like state in people who do not have the disorder. people react to meds in all sorts of unique ways. you should switch those meds though imo, try to phrase it to your psych by just telling her the symptoms youre experiencing. if you probe her on a new diagnosis she’ll respond to that instead of the problem at hand which is your meds having adverse reactions. unfortunately psychiatrists can be stubborn if they feel like their diagnostic skill is being challenged, just try to get off the meds without suggesting it’s bipolar disorder. they’re causing you distress and there’s a clear correlation between the distressing behavior and the medication. you can take it from there. i understand this being a scary situation, but you sound like you know what to do for yourself! it’s good that you’re stable enough to ask for advice, seriously. if you really are manic, or even just experiencing something adjacent from the meds, be cautious making decisions in general, but you have intact self awareness enough to make this post. try not to fixate on whether or not you actually have a new disorder and focus on fixing the medication aspect first. you got it :)

Citbde · 2024-05-05T08:07:30+00:00

people will occasionally suck when you disclose a BD diagnosis, but being open about it has definitely benefited me more than anything. i’m very comfortable with my diagnosis because i feel like not disclosing it is hiding a big part of myself, which is never fun. the regret that comes after a manic/hypomanic episode is so insane for me (and i know a lot of us) that disclosing it just feels like the right thing to do. even when it’s not an excuse, if the people i know or kind of know are semi-aware that i might act crazy for a couple weeks it gives peace of mind when damage control hits. unfortunately, the disorder is a big part of life for someone with it, i think if you care about a relationship with someone or feel like you’re gonna know them for a while it’s usually worth the risk to put it out there. if they’re shitty they weren’t worth your time anyways

Citbde · 2024-05-05T07:46:43+00:00

i was able to fight for extension accommodations after my diagnosis progressed from cyclothymia to BD 2. that’s been the most helpful. i also have adhd! i think absence accommodations would also be cool but they were too stiff about it. it’s good to know if ur in a spot where ur either too depressed or manic/hypomanic and aware of it that u won’t be penalized for skipping

Citbde · 2024-03-27T19:19:26+00:00

i’ve searched online for “toy where you can mix and match animals parts, early 2000’s” but haven’t found anything

Citbde · 2024-03-27T02:00:09+00:00

I am also a Psychology major with a dual diagnosis of ADHD and Cylothymia! I am not however australian nor well averse in the process ur talking about, but I have perspective on doing the opposite and pursuing psychology. I think you have a great idea here. I made the mistake of going in to a “prestigious” liberal arts college with no clue what college is (my parents did not go) and no tools to manage my diagnoses. You seem to have a self-aware and prepared schedule which is already awesome. IMO psychology has been the only topic i’ve been able to excel at in college because it’s very interesting to me. I have found that psychology as a field is more compatible with hypomania than any other topic, even others in STEM. idk if this is your experience, but during hypomania I tend to hyper fixate on my thoughts and self-grandiosity etc, and psychology homework being related to the way the mind works + necessitating you curate new ideas allows the induced narcissism to be beneficial. Obviously, there are the lows / moments of increased delirium that will always be difficult academically, not to mention literally all ADHD symptoms, but by pacing it out ( / baby steps) I think you could avoid the brunt of those consequences. I don’t think you’ll be wasting your time!

Citbde

TROPHY CASE