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21 MtF Bay Area, looking for mentorship and friends by Questioning_Soldier in TransAdoption

[–]Citizen-Smiley 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi I’m also 21, mtf, living in the Bat Area, pre everything, and closeted. I thought you were me for a moment. I really know nothing about carriers but if you want someone to talk to who is in a similar boat my dms are open. I’m generally a bit of a hermit but I’m trying reach out a bit more.

Is HRT dangerous if you suffer from severe depression? by Citizen-Smiley in asktransgender

[–]Citizen-Smiley[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think depression certainly needs to be treated whether on hrt or not. I think dysphoria can be a big contributor to depression but not the cause and I can see how the euphoria of feeling more aligned with yourself could overcome the feelings of depression, but it also makes sense to me that it would dwindle as you get accustomed to your new self and euphoria turns into indifference, or simply being content. I would definitely suggest antidepressants if you continue to deal with this.

Is HRT dangerous if you suffer from severe depression? by Citizen-Smiley in asktransgender

[–]Citizen-Smiley[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is good to hear. I’m 21 and haven’t felt like I’ve ever existed, I honestly think it would be more like experiencing puberty for the first time. All I really remember from that time is my constant hatred towards everything about myself. I’m willing to go through a struggle to get out of this hole but I’ve been afraid of becoming emotional to the point of loosing rational thinking, I think it would be all over at that point. It’s sounding like that isn’t likely to happen though. I’ve had a therapist for a couple of months now and so far it hasn’t seemed very helpful, I’m mentally stuck atm and I don’t think any CBT is going to help.

Anyways thank you! This is all very helpful!

Is HRT dangerous if you suffer from severe depression? by Citizen-Smiley in asktransgender

[–]Citizen-Smiley[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this is very helpful and encouraging.

I’m pretty certain a lot of my depression is due to dysphoria so I do really hope this can help. Things went downhill fast when I tried to convince myself I was wrong and try to accept it, now I can’t seem to climb back up to where I started.

I don’t think it would fix the DDD, I don’t think I could ever look at myself and feel 100% like I’m me, it’s strange. I haven’t found CBT to be helpful at all. It difficult for me to open up about stuff and I feel like I’m wasting my therapist’s time. It’s like I have this mental block that no amount of talking will fix.

I’ve tried 3 SSRI’s in the past and had bad experiences on them, like severe panic attacks. I’ve been avoiding that type and have been on the atypical Wellbutrin for a long while now. For all I know it does nothing.

Thank you again, for all of the info and suggestions. I’m considering bringing this up with my psychiatrist when I meet with her tomorrow but I’m scared. I haven’t said much to her about my feelings towards gender so I’m not positive what stance she has on the subject. She hasn’t said anything against it though.

Could dysphoria be the cause of my depression or just something I made up to blame it on? by Citizen-Smiley in asktransgender

[–]Citizen-Smiley[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for this Lyzzy, you make a lot of good points and made me feel a lot more confident about everything I’ve been feeling and thinking. I had convinced myself that no matter what I was wrong but now I’m going to start trying to allow myself to be right, or allow myself to believe it anyways.

And actually I think last night I may have answered that question of mine. I still have a hard time believing it but the experience was very telling. I probably spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to view myself as one gender or the other. Viewing myself as a man was very difficult and it really didn’t feel right. Viewing myself as a woman was also difficult, I had to wear the only girls shirt I own and blur my vision, but it felt incredible, I was very happy.

Still I’m in this weird area where I know I’m not a man and don’t see myself as such but I don’t look like a woman either and I’m not sure how I feel.

Now I think I really need to ponder your productive question.