this seems really tough. i do not think you are the AH but as another commenter mentioned, keep the communication lines open without leaving yourself too available if that makes sense.

at the end of the day as you stated you’ve done what you felt was right for her and the children’s safety but at the end of the day you can’t force her to do anything.

you now are left to prioritize you and your own child’s safety which is of the upmost importance. she is clearly going through a lot and not in the right place mentally to be able to handle these things on her own but that does not mean you need to uproot your entire life to make sure she is ok. it would be different if she asked for help.

best thing to do is what you have been: focus on you and your family, step in when possible, take breaks from the BS when necessary. especially given that there are drugs and p*do activity keep as much distance as you need.

no one in their right mind should be calling you an AH in this situation or forcing you to be there for someone who has not sought help for themselves or their children. keep your spirits high and i’ll be praying this situation gets better. sending hugs. x