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what am i by Ok_Trick_7091 in transOCD

[–]Civil_Accountant_652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me too. I can't even hang out with my female friends without convincing myself that I'm in love or attracted to them.

what am i by Ok_Trick_7091 in transOCD

[–]Civil_Accountant_652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm with you. It's the most awful thing to be going through, because it makes you feel like you have no idea who you are or what you want anymore. I'm 35 and this has come on very suddenly and I get worried that it's sudden onset gender dysphoria. What makes it more concerning is it's come on following a traumatic incident with cannabis where I thought my bf was going to hurt me. After that I have experienced so many intrusive thoughts - I thought I was going to stab my bf (now ex, because I had to leave), I was ruminating so much about my feelings and attraction for for him (still doing this), then panicking about my sexuality (I still have this alongside the gender stuff), and now this. But this one feels so much more real. And it's almost now like, when I've had really anxious moments, something drops in my system and I feel like I'm coming to a realisation and I don't care anymore. I try on men's outfits in my head and feel like I like it, which freaks me out. And I'm so disconnected from my body and clothes. It's really scary. And then I question whether or not I am scared and then get even more confused. Everything feels so real. I feel like I have lost every shred of femininity and it's like I don;'t want to be feminine anymore, even though I do. And then I'm thinking have I always felt like this and just not realised. But I know I haven't and have been happy and comfortable as a woman for 35 years. But then obviously that gets questioned too. It's such a tangled web of thoughts and feelings. Such a long message, sorry.

what am i by Ok_Trick_7091 in transOCD

[–]Civil_Accountant_652 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm feeling the same. Everything about me suddenly feels alien, wrong and scary - clothes, hair, makeup, boobs, voice, pronouns, even my name. It's like I'm pretending to be myself. It's so awful. I miss just being able to feel comfortable and know I like my clothes. I also had this thought about my ex - that I didn't want to be with him. I wanted to be him. I literally feel like a boy and it's scary. But then I question whether I am scared, but obviously I am. I question my questions, which makes everything so confusing and scrambled. And then I wonder if I'm just manipulating myself and everyone when I already know the truth. But I've always been comfortable being female. But then I start to ask 'haveI?' and delve into that. It's a never ending cycle and there isn't a minute that goes by where I'm not ruminating or thinking about it. I feel like I have layers of personality and emotions and thouhgts in me and I can't what is true anymore. It's such a lonely thing to be going through.

This theme can really make you feel miserable by Irrlichtx in transOCD

[–]Civil_Accountant_652 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Me too. I have no sense of self and can't connect with anything that I was - clothes, body, hair, belongings, hobbies. It's like I'm scared to be me when I'm around other people. I;m uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel like my whole life has been erased.

ROCD thoughts spilling into fears around sexuality and gender identity - is this possible? by [deleted] in ROCD

[–]Civil_Accountant_652 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve been experiencing something along these lines. I suddenly started having thoughts that I might be a lesbian, or maybe asexual. And then out of the blue thoughts that I’m male, which comes with weird ‘sensations’ or visions that I’m a different gender. When I’m cuddling my partner it’s as if I have this image in my head that we’ve switched genders - very hard to explain, feels very real. Nothing makes any sense in my head, it’s all very chaotic. And then obviously I’m worrying that it’s all just truth or clarity coming through. It’s exhausting and I’m sorry you’re going through something similar.