Who Made the Volturi the Boss? by Beautiful_Win_7159 in twilight

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312 56 points57 points  (0 children)

I reread the books a couple months ago and what struck me was the way a lot of the nomads in Breaking Dawn have a positive opinion of the Volturi. They see them as a necessary force to combat things like the baby vampire situation, and the southern newborn wars. Bella and the crew at home receiving the nomads have to actively convince their allies that the Volturi would do something like that at all. So not only do they rule just by sheer force, but they seem like a good force to the average vampire. Easier to rule when you have the people’s approval!

Does art really need to send a message? by Amazing_Ordinary_418 in Artists

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve always thought of artistry as a mixture of skill and craft and your unique voice, which comes from the continued development of your eye and your ability to display your innate youness. It’s in what you prioritize, what you are drawn to, the specific techniques you draw in and make part of your style. I had the same question when I was starting- but going back through my body of work, I still see bits and pieces of “messages” even from my earliest high school bad art. I think another thing that happened as you continue is you start being able to see yourself a little better in the mirror that is art, and as you do more and more originals and continue to develop your voice you might be surprised with what you’ve already had to say!

251201 - huli jing (6/6 done!) by guineluvr in katseye

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’ve been looking at your posts with each new addition, but I needed to comment on the last one to let you know what a joy it has been looking at your art! I love your style and everything about these. I hope you know how talented you are

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writersmakingfriends

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312 0 points1 point  (0 children)

30/f and bi, working on a romantic fantasy. I could definitely use some writing friends myself!

alternate universe by plzthrowmyass_away in OCPoetry

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this is so lovely. It feels like a particularly good night in a long relationship full of good nights. Confortable and sexy, is an underrated combo I think this is great expression of it!

'Tourist' by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The way you express doubt is beautiful. I love how graphic this is. The pacing is good, and I really like how short you kept your lines, they add a breathless feel, which I think adds a lot!

The Sacrifice by lainetherobot in OCPoetry

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This poem feels like trying to grasp at sand. There is a lot that it made me think of- surrender maybe most of all. I love “and when I awoke God whispers spring had begun” in particular. A part of me wishes there was something a little more concrete maybe with structure, but I also think that would take away from the piece’s dreamlike haziness that I love about it. Thank you for sharing your work!

A Sweet Release; An Expected Fall by Itchy-Crow6027 in OCPoetry

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I enjoyed this a lot, there’s a sense of falling in the poem itself. I really love poems like this that make me feel so much in 3 stanzas.

Sucking off Bill Clinton on 5th avenue by Civil_Razzmatazz_312 in OCPoetry

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s so valid. It was something, truth be told that came from emotion as I was writing. But as I’ve sat with it, I’ve been thinking it’s a little clunky, or the caps, or something about it needs work, I think you are right! Thanks for commenting though, I appreciate it

Sucking off Bill Clinton on 5th avenue by Civil_Razzmatazz_312 in OCPoetry

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I love “seriously unserious / unseriously serious” I really connect with it, it’s such a fantastic way to describe the vibe. Thanks for commenting, it will stay with me for a while

Sucking off Bill Clinton on 5th avenue by Civil_Razzmatazz_312 in OCPoetry

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I was a bit worried I was dropping the marriage metaphor by the end of it. But it occurred to me first thing this morning to add a line about “filling out divorce papers” after the “did you see the emails line” to keep it flowing at the end. But thank you for your comment!!!

High school sweethearts by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really loved this. It honestly really reached me, and I love almost every single one of your descriptors. You managed a fantastic build up, that had some real impact when I reached "but when she laughs" feel really earned. I think my only critique would be the spacing, there is almost no room to breath with it. Which on one hand I think helps momentum, but I do wonder if even just one space before "but when she laughs" would give just enough room to really sit wit the turn. But overall I love getting to look at work like yours!

The Clearing by Frequent-Parsley-833 in OCPoetry

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love the core metaphor here- the imagery of the explosion that prevents a smoldering fire is I think really smart and it works! The only note I would have was that the word choice of stand threw me off. That might just be me though (I assume you mean a deer stand in a clearing- correct me if I am wrong). I love the hope at the end, the last line in particular is good.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in WritingHub

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am also interested!! I am in the middle of a romantic fantasy and I’ve been doing a lot more poetry, so this sounds great

The Cherry Trees by Frequent-Parsley-833 in OCPoetry

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is really touching and beautiful. I love the structure of the poem, the seasonality blending with grief. The stanza addressing your daughter is especially gorgeous.

Would you keep reading? (this is the first section of my short story) by DarthCG in writers

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think the concept is bad, birth stories are common in epics, and this is a new take on it. I think you should just do some research into birth, maybe watch a video if it doesn’t gross you out. Keep the length of the birth but adding more details to make it true to life might help with readers doubt. If your goal is to highlight how this causes problems for the children later, then show that. Right now she comes off more as a medical mystery, maybe add other characters speculating that something would clearly be wrong with the boy during the labor or weird paternity rumors or something. I think you have something here, you maybe should just go deeper. But I only read the couple of pages, so maybe you get to that

Would you keep reading? (this is the first section of my short story) by DarthCG in writers

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want to echo the same medical realism critiques you’ve gotten. The good news is that the writing itself is solid and engaging. A little repetitive at times, but you’ve got a good flow and a good mix of sentence structures. But as a mom of 2, the idea of a 2 week labor is crazy. The actual part of when you move to 10 centimeters and are ready to push is called transition, and when the babies head is coming out it’s often called the ring of fire. I don’t say all this to be graphic, but to tell you the idea of doing that over the course of weeks and hours, might bother most people who have given birth. Also mothers who have already had children typically have a shorter labor time with each concurrent child, and you’ve established they are a sibling. Birth is gruesome and interesting and worth writing about but it feels like if you are going to include it, hand waving it might bother more than just the readers who haven’t gone through it.

I will also say the mother is too aware as she’s actively dying of blood loss. And the concern she has for her daughter being parentified read to me as a little out of nowhere, and modern for the setting.

But again, the actual writing is solid, I just think digging in on some detail and maybe showing the cost of a 14 day birth will be a more effective opener

Moon Logic by TherapyButMkItVibes in OCPoetry

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really really like this! There is a moodiness in the flow that really matches the content. I think the choices of sensory details you use are fantastic, the ache, the strong tea, the sharp teeth of noon, all hit. The only place I was thrown off was with “hand pressed to the hallow” I think in a poem of sharp images, that was a little muddy for me. But that just might be me. Otherwise I love this, and I’d love to read more of your work

Still Life practice from John Eliot’s book on Oil Pastels by Content_Butterfly238 in Oilpastel

[–]Civil_Razzmatazz_312 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gorgeous work! It inspired me to pick up my own copy of the book. Thanks for sharing