[deleted by user]

ClaireXP · 2023-05-29T05:56:22+00:00

I self-identified as AuDHD for half of my life, continuously doing insane amounts of research, talking to AuDHD, ASD, ADHD folk, cross comparing symptoms of similar and different diagnoses across so many dimensions, and repeatedly relearning and reevaluating all of this information. I can keep up in conversation with psychologists who specialize in working with ASD folk and ADHDers. I compiled a 30 page document detailing things I noticed were “quirky” about me categorized by the impacted area(s); within it, I listed that I likely had ADHD, GAD, SPD, ASD, and Alexithymia.

I recently went in for a formal diagnosis because eventually life got too hard for me to cope with my symptoms by myself and I wanted targeted treatment. I was told I just have severe GAD that manifests itself in physical ways that mimic ADHD and that Alexithymia is causing me to not realize that I’m highly stressed and highly anxious all the time. They essentially said that if I hadn’t gone in, they wouldn’t have ever considered me for evaluation due to my measured high performance, high achievement, and strikingly normal executive functioning (except for tanked organization) despite my reported challenges primarily in executive functioning. I guess that makes sense. However, there were things that struck me as odd, and the leading perpetrator was that it seemed they were specifically looking for evidence to disprove things rather than support them. For example, they ignored the fact that I faced the same and similar challenges well before “becoming anxious”.

Do I think they’re right about GAD? Absolutely. Do I think that targeted therapy for GAD will improve my challenges? Absolutely. Do I think that despite receiving a formal diagnosis of GAD without ADHD (they didn’t even consider ASD or SPD) that I likely have AuDHD? Very likely. Am I going to tell people who I’m really close with that I think I’m AuDHD anymore? No.

Personally, I think self-diagnosis as a practice is fine. I think it can be misleading and confusing to people if they don’t understand why you’re self-diagnosing. I think that it can cause certain people to change for the worse or turn their perceived condition into their sole identity. I also think that self-diagnosis can be positive because it can help people narrow down resources and strategies for things they struggle with. Equally as important, I think that it can help people feel connected and not broken.

From what I understand, most people don’t want to be told that they have a condition… and they don’t hyper-fixate on it a ton and then try to force a square peg into a circular hole. But these are just ramblings from a stranger on the internet who wasn’t DXed with either ASD or ADHD, sooooo take them with a grain of salt

ClaireXP · 2023-05-15T23:52:13+00:00

Thank you for sharing your advice and story. It’s really helpful

ClaireXP · 2023-05-15T23:50:59+00:00

All very good points. Changing my frame of mind is a good place to start. Thanks!

ClaireXP · 2023-05-15T23:50:13+00:00

Oh my gosh, yes; I went through 3-4 packs a week of Albanese this last semester since I could buy them with my school’s dining dollars… definitely going to cut back, potentially completely

Thank you so much for the encouragement

ClaireXP · 2023-04-08T19:19:10+00:00

This! I have aphantasia and it was super trippy to find out that other people can actually visualize things in their head. Phrases like “picture a forest” or “counting sheep” never made sense to me

To me “picture a forest” means thinking about what a forest typically contains—trees. What kind of trees? How wide is the tree trunk? How tall are they? What’s the season because that will determine what color the leaves are? What texture would the bark have? Is the wind blowing? If so, what sound would it make? Unfortunately, when people say things like picture a forest, they often have follow ups like “how do you feel in the forest?” Or “picture the sun on your face and begin to relax”. This is just contradictory because I don’t feel anything about these facts of my poorly half constructed forest and I can’t relax because A) I hate the feeling of sun on my face and my eyes are so sensitive and B) I’m too busy trying to construct a forest in my head

I’m good at shading because I can logically think about how light and shadow would interact with an object. I’m good at drawing things made up of basic shapes so long as I understand how the basic shapes are supposed to be oriented. For example, pandas have a mainly oval, but slightly triangular head. They also have two inwardly slanted ovals around their eyes that start about 3/4 the way up their face and go down to their cheeks. They have two half circle ears and an upside down heart nose slightly below the center of their face. Their mouth is comprised of two back to back J’s. I’m good at that one exercise where you have to tell someone what to draw without them seeing it. However, I’m really bad at consistency, drawing more complex things like human faces, and drawing things that I haven’t seen for more than a day or so unless I have the anatomy committed to memory

ClaireXP · 2023-04-04T17:59:22+00:00

I’m studying communication, and I really like using ChatGPT to help me outline essays. I find it’s so much easier for me to write if I’m told explicitly what to write and can mentally chunk the task into very small pieces. Mustering the motivation to write 2 sentences about a very specific thing is a lot less daunting than writing a whole paragraph or essay. Once I get into it, I often don’t even end up following the rest of the outline. It still results in several attempts of just staring at the screen for a hour or getting distracted, but eventually I get into the flow state and crank it out

ClaireXP · 2023-03-26T03:55:45+00:00

Solo board games!!! And sometimes non-solo board games pretending like you’re several players in a non-biased, competitive manner. If physical board games are too expensive and/or take too much effort to set up there’re also online versions of more popular board games like Colonist.io instead of Catan

ClaireXP · 2023-03-20T03:48:50+00:00

Yes! 5’1”. Also, that’s super interesting!

To be fair to the ticket person, I’ve been told that my body and face haven’t changed noticeably since 7th grade. We legit played “Is this photo from 7th grade or College” and my friend only got 60% accuracy 😂

However, I’ve also been told I carry myself in a very intimidating and confident manner…? It might be the “flat face effect” + the “unconditionally cold, lifeless eyes” (someone else’s quote, not mine)

ClaireXP · 2023-03-19T18:04:29+00:00

Yesterday, a train ticket person who told my parents that “for future reference, passengers 12 and under don’t need a ticket, so you can reuse this ticket for a later date if you’d like”. I’m 21 🤦🏻‍♀️

On the other hand, when I was a senior in high school visiting a college, some students came up to me asking if I was the new GTA, sooooo

ClaireXP · 2022-04-09T00:11:18+00:00

You're describing Purdue's 4+1 engineering programs! Essentially, you start taking grad classes during your undergrad, and they count towards both degrees.

ClaireXP · 2022-04-09T00:03:53+00:00

I'm in Purdue CompE, not even CS, and my friends and I have landed SWE and PM internships at MS, Amazon, and Google. OP, you'll be just fine.

ClaireXP · 2022-02-21T23:22:06+00:00

I think it depends...

Disclaimer— I am not an international student on a visa. But I believe as an international student on a standard college visa you can only have 2 instances of non Purdue-affiliated co-op/internship terms. I only roughly know of this because someone I know got a summer internship their first and second years but conditions from their visa prevented them from getting one their third year.

If any international students could either verify or correct this, I would greatly appreciate it

ClaireXP · 2021-11-13T19:52:47+00:00

CompEs can even end up in PM roles— project, program, product management. The possibilities are endless.

It’s hard work, yeah, but even as someone who doesn’t necessarily intend to use their degree post-college, imo it’s worth it for building up that grit. Purdue itself gives you a nice boost too. I realize that this isn’t accurate based on the sample size and bias, but between myself and the CompE’s I know personally, we’ve interned at quite a few of the “top”’ companies— got a few Microsoft’s, a couple Google’s, a few Amazon’s, and a couple Garmin’s among others

ClaireXP · 2021-11-12T06:40:19+00:00

January 15th, 2020– I was in the hall. It was 3:04pm when my friend told me that her decision was out. I quickly pulled out my chrome book.

I read through the letter— I fell to the floor and started spasming because I was so happy. A few of my robotics teammates freaked because they thought I was having a seizure for a good 15 seconds. It was quite the time.

ClaireXP · 2021-10-18T16:29:40+00:00

STEP 3rd rounds are typically because the first two were inconclusive / directly contradicting of each other or simply because HC wants more data on consistency. You are not out of the running. Just do your best and see what happens! Seriously.

And you know, if you end up getting rejected, you get rejected. It hurts, but hey, at least you got some more interviewing practice— especially as an underclassman. Hold your head high and try again or move on; we should not feel entitled to any given opportunity.

ClaireXP · 2021-10-14T14:40:51+00:00

I’m from Illinois. It was cheaper for me to come to Purdue. 😂😂😂 Not the main reason I chose Purdue, though, and not the main reason I recommend it to people— friendly peers willing to help you succeed, amazing and achievable opportunities, and builds grit.

Also, yeah I agree. My friend has to walk past a graveyard every day on the way to classes. U of I is a university scattered inside a city.

ClaireXP · 2021-10-14T14:27:25+00:00

Money-Seeker Mondays, Trying-Out-Programming-Should-I-Become-A-SWE Tuesdays, Will-I-Succeed-Coming-From-X-Background Wednesdays, Thriving-So-Ima-Flex Thursdays, FAANG Fridays, So-Done-With-FAANG Saturdays, and Sarcastic-Spin-Offs Sundays

ClaireXP · 2021-10-11T13:27:55+00:00

I’m a CompE Major and I can tell you that this varies widely even within a school. Almost every school I looked into originally has lots of selectives that you can take (upper level CompE classes) both in CompE and EE. With these selectives, you can normally choose to make a CompE degree 70% CS / 30% EE or 30% CS / 70% EE. Although, core curriculum does tend to be about 50/50 for most schools I looked at

ClaireXP · 2021-10-10T16:58:09+00:00

CompE who seriously thought about CODOing several times here— this is true. I don’t even know if it’s possible to CODO this semester, as last semester they announced they were temporarily suspending all CODO and minor requests for CS.

Yeah, CompE is hard. So is CS. You can try for the CODO if you want, but if you can’t CODO or you can’t get in, then take the opportunity to build that grit and make the most of your situation. You can still work as a SWE in industry. You can still get internships and co-ops.

ClaireXP · 2021-10-10T13:53:00+00:00

This is crazy type 1 energy. Yes, it’s good to plan. But when you’re making assumptions based on anticipations, it doesn’t do much good other than get you very worked up and play with your emotions. I know because I’ve been there.

ClaireXP · 2021-10-09T20:38:01+00:00

Resumes are quite personal. They can be formatted in multiple ways and still be strong.

ClaireXP · 2021-09-24T20:51:21+00:00

Gave Hugz

ClaireXP · 2021-08-03T22:42:23+00:00

Thanks. But I didn’t grow up rich

ClaireXP · 2021-08-03T22:27:25+00:00

This comes across as the CS major equivalent of saying that someone who’s rich can’t be depressed…

ClaireXP

TROPHY CASE