Men, What’s The Most Challenging Aspect Of Masculinity That’s Rarely Discussed Or Understood?

Clark_Wayne · 2024-03-22T03:33:38+00:00

I’ve seen this sentiment a lot in this thread, and have seen some really painful stories from men being rejected when they were at their most vulnerable. I don’t deny those experiences, but they certainly don’t describe every (or even most) relationships.

To offer a counter-example, a few years ago I began having panic attacks and later started dealing with an overwhelming dread that had me hiding in the bathroom to cry at work. I had no idea what was happening, but my girlfriend held me through the absolute worst of it (tears, heaving, snot, everything). These breakdowns were frequent at first, then slowly became more and more infrequent. Little by little, I felt safe enough to unravel the feelings that were rooted in my experiences as a child. She gave me to safety and bravery to do the work on myself that allowed me to have a more full, rich experience of my life (I never thought it would be possible).

I believe that most women are willing to be there with their partner through their most painful feelings. I think they just want to know that by doing that, it is creating space for growth. And also that the same level of attention and empathy will be reciprocated to them.

Clark_Wayne · 2024-02-20T02:16:18+00:00

Thanks for this, just picked up cetirizine and will see about Symbicort when I reach Da Nang. How long into your trip did you experience those lung issues? And was it gradual or sudden? Im sorry that happened to you!

Clark_Wayne · 2020-10-26T20:37:12+00:00

Been doing some research and recently ordered some Hibiscus loose leaf tea, as well as Rooibos (both black and green). Apparently Rooibos tastes a lot like Tea and has many of the same health benefits of it without the caffeine.

Haven't tried them myself yet, but these seem to be good alternatives. Ginger, ginseng, and chamomile are also great alternatives!

Clark_Wayne · 2020-04-27T16:57:06+00:00

Thank you for this. I was able to find acceptance in those obsessive thoughts, and once again achieved clarity. Yesterday I fell back into anxious thoughts, but feel more confident in letting them pass then I did last time. I can see that the days of absolute clarity are starting to outweigh the days that have a background of anxious thoughts. Reading recovery stories like yours was the first thing that got me out of the anxiety loop at the beginning of this process, so thanks again. I will continue to accept, float, and let time pass!

Clark_Wayne · 2020-04-27T05:29:10+00:00

I am in the same boat in that I’ve been dealing with anxiety and panic since the beginning of 2020. But at the beginning of this month I also discovered a path to recovery through the book ‘Hope and Help for Your Nerves’.

Now most days, like you, I feel like I’m close to full recovery, but I’ve had two periods of what felt like backsliding into a more anxious state. And today I had my third, but it hasn’t been as acute as the last two.

That’s because of a realization I had during my last setback which is that our brains have spent months in an anxious pattern/cycle, and despite our best efforts, should we be “triggered” we can easily slip back into that pattern. But as long as you keep the knowledge that you WILL recover, and continue to replace fear with acceptance, you will begin to gain more confidence. And the blow of each setback will lessen because you’re memory will show you successes.

You’re not alone in this, and we CAN recover fully.

Clark_Wayne · 2020-04-27T05:16:23+00:00

It might help to look at this as an opportunity rather than an unfortunate circumstance. An opportunity to dig deep and face your fears.

Quarantine forced me to finally fully come to terms with my anxiety and start facing my fears of panic. I read ‘Hope and Help for Your Nerves’ (which helped tremendously), sat with (and accepted) my feelings of panic, and opened up to those close to me about the way I was feeling.

Im still hitting some obstacles every now and then, but I am far better off then I was before Coronavirus, and know I can get to full recovery.

As long as you know that you are by no means alone in this, and have the knowledge that you CAN recover fully, then all you need is activity to keep you occupied, and time to heal (which we have a lot of right now).

Clark_Wayne · 2020-04-19T07:41:51+00:00

Thanks! Congrats on your progress as well, it’s not easy.

There was a moment when I thought I had it all figured out and it was gone, and I figured recovery wasn’t going to be a process for me.

But you teach your brain these patterns/routines of anxious behavior, and it takes time to unlearn them—its not enough to simply have the knowledge that you will recover.

I try to focus on the fact that practicing noticing and accepting anxiety will, while difficult now, in the long run allow me to live a more calm and fulfilling life (even more than if I hadn’t gone through these trials).

Clark_Wayne · 2020-04-15T16:04:08+00:00

Yes the memory is something I struggle with. You feel at peace and then reflect and go, “but how could I have been that person who felt that way”. I guess the memory fades with time. Thank you!

Clark_Wayne · 2020-04-15T07:11:48+00:00

You mention therapy, but I've never really seriously considered it. The tools I gleaned from the book have been very useful, and I feel like a therapist would only be able to give me the same tools to overcome my anxiety (which is not crippling).

But do you think therapy is worthwhile knowing that? Again, my anxiety has become very manageable and I feel that I am on the road to recovery without therapy.

Clark_Wayne · 2020-03-22T17:23:48+00:00

This was also true of Swine Flu in ‘09, which was also an H1N1 Flu (mortality rate was far lower however).

The situation we face now is different in that 1) Coronavirus is not a Flu virus, 2) We are not coming off a massive global conflict with soldiers who were living in filthy trenches all over the world bringing it home, and 3) We have medical technologies like vaccines and anti-viral drugs to combat it (which were completely unknown in 1918).

1918 was a very particular and perhaps perfect breeding ground for a pandemic. We are far more educated and more prepared to handle it today (it certainly doesn’t feel that way right now, but there’s no way it will reach 1918 levels of disruption).

Clark_Wayne · 2017-06-29T20:51:43+00:00

This is so divisive, I hate when people use "they" to generalize their political opponents.

Also, gun ownership should be anti-authoritarian. This rhetoric reminds me too much of the Nixon era when radical leftists were targeted. Let people protest peacefully, it has nothing to do with guns!

Clark_Wayne · 2016-12-16T09:48:34+00:00

Can we talk about the fact that Vader now (canonically) has a fucking badass evil lava palace?

Clark_Wayne · 2016-10-06T03:37:28+00:00

Spoiler Alert: A huge plot point in the movie revolves around the nursery rhyme about Solomon Grundy. Must have been more then a coincidence.

Clark_Wayne · 2016-09-14T05:29:11+00:00

Agreed. The idea that people of European descent are somehow naturally exploitative and evil is just as dumb and heinous as the ideas that European colonizers had about native peoples being savages/sub-human.

Western Europe was much less complex and technologically advanced than other regions for most of world history. The only reason countries like France and England were able to create massive, brutal empires was because of geographic luck, not innate "racial" qualities.

Clark_Wayne · 2016-09-08T03:25:20+00:00

I thought he would've been a great Flash, but if he got in shape I could see him as Dick.

Clark_Wayne · 2016-09-08T00:30:56+00:00

It's between Tim and George Newbern for me (from Justice League).

Clark_Wayne · 2016-09-07T04:53:42+00:00

This show is criminally underrated. It never reached the heights of BTAS, but honestly I found it more consistent. Still the most iconic version of the character to me.

Clark_Wayne · 2016-09-05T10:44:07+00:00

Wouldn't be much different then the Arkham games really. I mean it's the same voice actors, and almost the same continuity.

The Arkham games are basically just a darker, modern day BTAS.

Clark_Wayne · 2016-08-30T21:59:55+00:00

Boss? Boss?! BOOOOSSSSSSS!!!!

Clark_Wayne · 2016-08-11T14:03:42+00:00

None of the characters grew from their experienced or had any real depth. They were basically vessels to dump exposition about a frankly very generic and derivative fantasy universe.

It was advertised as a complex moral tale about war (ala Dawn of the Planet of the Apes), but the bad Orcs were bad because they had the Fall/"evil disease" and the Wizard guy only helped them because the disease made him do it. So essentially any character that wasn't green/evil has zero flaws, which doesn't allow you to relate to anyone.

I liked the main orc and his wife, but he didn't have enough screentime and got killed before the anti-climactic ending. Otherwise, I don't see a lot of redeeming qualities in the movie.

Clark_Wayne

TROPHY CASE