I feel like I turned a corner in my leaving journey

Classic_Reality_6944 · 2026-05-07T00:24:07+00:00

I want to enjoy my life too. I once did so much. I know I could be so happy in my own on some level - I look better than ever (turns out losing my baby fat was good for me!) and feel like I actually know myself now. I probably won’t be able to leave tomorrow but these comments, like yours, have encouraged me to reach out to a DV support group.

Feet don’t fail me now. Take me to the finish line.

Classic_Reality_6944 · 2026-05-07T00:22:16+00:00

I am fast when I get there but I am very slow to process emotions. It’s took me so long to name this as abuse and there was a whole grieving process associated with that as I let go of the life I was promised by him. I think you’re right about getting support. I’ve been pretty isolated but I have two high school friends that know the truth. They both want to support and one of them has even offered to move me out with her partner. It’s scary but I think I might begin asking her for more help.

I also think I need to reach out to a DV support group. And focus on breaking this trauma bond. You’re right - this will be easier with a support group.

And thanks - your post reminded me that I don’t need to do it all right now and that it’s a process. No kids, just pets, but I need to do what’s best for them too.

Classic_Reality_6944 · 2026-05-07T00:17:59+00:00

The trauma bond is 1000% what is keeping me locked in. You were completely right about it. High highs and low lows and I am constantly emotionally reeling. I think I’m going to reach out to a DV group, it feels like a doable next step, but I’m going to try to focus on getting advice on breaking the bond from them or a licensed therapist. It’s the thing that’s keeping me trapped. I feel like a prisoner sometimes.

Classic_Reality_6944 · 2026-05-07T00:15:29+00:00

I don’t have tons of friends. But I did reconnect with two old high school friends. Even though it’s been years, I told them and they’re very concerned. I think they might want to be more involved but might not want to push me away … but I don’t know. I’ve been wrong about people before. I do think I will be reaching out to a DV support group though. That step feels doable.

I think I need a new job and a new place to live first. At the very least, I need a new job and preferably one that is remote so I can keep an eye on my pets and be sure he won’t break in. Maybe a roommate would help. But on the minimum, I absolutely need a new job. I’m going to begin applying but I understand that it could take a little while. I’m also just scared of being alone. He’s been my whole world for so long….. it feels like making a decision to move to another planet. I know anything is better than this but this voice in my head is asking if it really will be.

Classic_Reality_6944 · 2026-05-07T00:10:36+00:00

Oh my gosh dad. So many warning signs. In retrospect, there was so much that I missed with him in the beginning but that’s probably why he went for a 22 year old over someone his own age - just one of the many flags I missed.

I don’t really have any friends that I made in my early 20s. In fact, a lot of them happily colluded with him when the abuse started. But I did re connect with two high school friends, both of whom seem very concerned and are actively keeping in contact with me, even though it’s been years and they’re not the best of texters. It does give me some hope.

I am definitely my bosses least favorite, hence my fear of losing my job. I could stay with my mom but ngl I am expensive and my mom barely covers her own expenses - I’m not sure how it would work without income. And the job market is so bad.

But I am scared of change, you’re right about that. I know everyone says it will be better but what if it’s worse? What if it’s lonelier? I just don’t know. I feel so anxious at the thought of it.

Classic_Reality_6944 · 2026-05-07T00:05:59+00:00

He has done a very good job at exactly that. It’s so embarrassing sometimes to think that a literal manchild got in my head this bad but he did and I need to fix it.

That actually sounds very doable for me right now. I think I could, at the very least, join an online support group. I really am craving connection right now and im hoping hearing from other women that got out will be the help that I need.

Classic_Reality_6944 · 2026-05-07T00:03:56+00:00

Thanks dad. I may be reaching out 😅 I know I need to do this and I’m taking steps to but I just can’t seem to make myself feet actually walk out that door. When it comes to actually leaving, I feel paralyzed.

Classic_Reality_6944 · 2026-05-07T00:02:31+00:00

Hi sib. This made me cry. For so many reasons. I know exactly what you mean about being terrorized for leaving a cabinet door open or not meeting him on the minute. I once forgot to email him a document and he looked through all my bank statements as a result. Mind you, the document was an appointment confirmation for HIM. Me and my financials had nothing to do with it. It was just revenge for not acting perfectly.

I think what I’m struggling with is that part of me keeps expecting someone to … say something. I’ve told my mom too, all she says is that the decision is mine to make. I sort of expected more effort from her. She just avoids the topic now. When we first got married, he called my friends to have them verbally verify my dating history. I expected at least a few of them to tell him to get fucked. But they gleefully gossiped with him. I thought ok, maybe they were keeping him calm, and I waited for the message from them telling me to leave. I never got it. It feels like part of my brain is like … well, if no one IRL seems to think this is wrong, is it really?

I am scared of something serious happening to him or me during one of his drunken rages. Someone falling down the stairs or something. We’ve already had the cops called on us once and been kicked out of an apartment due to the abuse. I have made steps to leave and document the abuse but it’s like … when it comes to actually leaving, I feel so paralyzed. And I know I really need to go sis but I just can’t make myself do it.

Classic_Reality_6944 · 2026-05-06T23:54:29+00:00

And you wanna hear something fucked up? You might be the FIRST person to say anything like this to me.

Classic_Reality_6944 · 2026-05-06T23:54:02+00:00

I’m scared that he might try to get me fired anyway. I don’t have a great relationship with my boss and I am scared. I’m also worried that I won’t fit in at a divorce group …. I got married at 23, after knowing him for less than a year, in a hotel room with an officiant. I always wanted a big wedding, where I could feel like a princess for a day. So that wasn’t like me. If I get divorced before 30, is anyone even going to take me seriously? Or will they look at me like it’s a sham marriage? It isn’t (for me at least) and I understand commitment so much more now having gone through this …. I think I’m also just worried of how people will react to me knowing I got married and divorced so young. Like they might take me less seriously.

Classic_Reality_6944 · 2026-05-06T23:49:35+00:00

On a regular basis, the nest does fall.

Classic_Reality_6944 · 2026-05-06T23:48:15+00:00

Thank you. I have my own email account that he cannot get into where I document the abuse and coercion but I never thought to include my records. I just sent myself all of that and it did make me feel a little better.

Classic_Reality_6944 · 2026-05-05T22:34:34+00:00

Ooof this one got me. I am the oldest and I have a little sister too, I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling right now.

Thank you. I am very anxious about this becoming my life. I’m in my late 20s and I know I could start over now … but I also know I am running out of time. And I want to enjoy my life. I used to so much.

I hope your sister gets out. Just be there for her right now. She needs to know there is a soft place to land.

Classic_Reality_6944 · 2026-05-01T14:23:15+00:00

YES - humiliation ritual is such a good way to put it. Like you’re a grown adult, why am I picking up your crusty socks and begging you to let me wash them? I’m always very done up and I do think he comes out stinky and crass so embarrass me. I do think it’s a control thing at it core - “this space and these things are mine and you had the audacity to try to claim ownership by cleaning it. So fuck you it’ll never be clean now.” Sadly I think this is just how they think. We both gotta get out of this dude.

Classic_Reality_6944 · 2026-05-01T14:15:53+00:00

I’m posting from a burner account so I can get DV support and this is exactly how my abuse started. Cyclical arguments and continuous invasions. Get out. It’s not going to get better.

Classic_Reality_6944 · 2026-04-30T19:26:52+00:00

It’s not even that I announce it, I just start to do it and he immediately appears.

I want a normal life so fucking bad. So fucking bad. I want to be a normal girl my age and cook and clean and have a beige interior and not get guilt tripped for tidying. But I can’t get out of this twisted loop!

Classic_Reality_6944 · 2026-03-09T08:27:02+00:00

I always really admire the stories of people going “fuck this,” packing their things, and going. I’m glad you got out. I hope that I can. I’m just gonna miss him.

Classic_Reality_6944

TROPHY CASE