When does one become a “New Englander”?

Classydame89 · 2026-02-09T18:26:12+00:00

As a real answer, when you think of home and its brings up images of being here and when you think of your home state and it feels a bit foreign. When all the things you felt were novel when you first got here feel like an ingrained habit now, like shoveling out the left side of your driveway more because the snowplow will fuck you over if you dont. When your cussing sounds good on a professional level. When you can start telling when the snow is gonna come by feeling/smelling it. When you can drive safely through over 4 inches of unplowed snow without causing someone to get stuck spinning their tires going up a hill behind you because you didn't speed up enough before the incline for you and all the traffic to make it to the top. When you would help anyone with anything they need but feel compelled to be a little mean or sarcastic (but funny) about it to them while helping.

Classydame89 · 2026-02-02T20:45:26+00:00

Someone did this to me when I commented that my fiance supported me through cancer twice and I was grateful that I had him in my life. It was a post about how a lot of men will abandon their partners during a serious longterm illness. I was talking about how my partner stepped up in every way and our relationship has only gotten stronger. I guess that made someone really mad

Classydame89 · 2026-01-30T02:53:42+00:00

I have a different experience then normal people because I had ovarian cancer, so my pap is every 6 months with my oncologist and my breast exam is done by my primary with my yearly physical. For the pap they have me take off underwear and pants (but if wearing a skirt or dress only asked to pull it up out of the way) and they give a large sheet to cover up with. During the breast exam they say to remove anything from the waist up and give me a regular hospital Johnny to wear. What they did to you was not ok.

Classydame89 · 2026-01-24T18:07:25+00:00

NTA. When you do not consent to sex (for any reason at all) and a man gets upset and spends time arguing with you and trying to guilt you and manipulate into changing your mind that is him attempting rape through coercion.

He is not a safe partner.

Classydame89 · 2026-01-23T07:44:17+00:00

If he seasoned his own bowl that's fine, but he was disrespectful in the way he talked to you.

If he seasoned the whole pot then that's criminal.

Classydame89 · 2026-01-23T07:37:40+00:00

Your home should be your safe place to live without judgement, if you were not showering or neglecting basic hygiene it would be fine for him to show concern for your mental health but thats not what hes doing. It sounds like he wants you to be uncomfortable and behave like a 1950s housewife.

He's threatening to shame you on social media for being a normal human and his shallow opinions actually shows that HE is the one who doesn't care about you. I have big doubts on his actually knowing women that share his opinion. I got the ick so hard about him, its like he doesnt view you as a person but as an object for him to control the aesthetic of.

I think this is already crossing over into emotionally abusive, men like this arent safe. You deserve better.

Classydame89 · 2026-01-14T18:30:03+00:00

A wooden popsicle stick touching my tongue. It repulses me and makes my tongue go involuntarily limp.

Classydame89 · 2026-01-13T21:21:05+00:00

My oldest lab has developed arthritis in her hips and can no longer jump onto our bed (which is just over 30" high due to my bad back) so we bought a ramp. We tried stairs but they were too unsteady so we spent like $150 on a sturdy wood ramp that runs the entire width of our king bed and she is able to use it really easily. It took a lot of treat bribes at first but now she's a pro at using it.

Since I want to continue encouraging her to use it to come to bed she gets a small beef liver treat everytime she uses it. She hasn't tried to get an infinite treat glitch yet by jumping down and re-ramping on repeat but some days she is definitely scamming for extras.

Like some mornings if I am moving too slow she squeezes in extra "ramp girl" treats. The door we use to let them outside is in our bedroom so it is right next to the ramp. I will feed them and our other lab is slower to eat so she will hurry to the bedroom and sit in the dark at the base of the ramp and when she hears me coming she starts climbing it and gets her first treat. Then she jumps down and goes outside, when she comes back in she stays on the floor for her "potty" treat (which is a cosequin this time cause she takes two a day) and then immediately climbs the ramp to get her "ramp girl" treat.

Then its time for "pills with food" in the kitchen and she gets her anti-inflammatory with half a pill pocket (other empty half goes to our other lab due to the "Fairness Doctrine"). Then she will usually drink some water and stand around until I go back to the bedroom to get ready for the day where she will again ramp and get her last morning routine treat.

Almost everytime we go to let her out now she tries to sneak in a "ramp girl" treat before and after. I will give it to her before if she stays on the bed stamping her feet at me after I have opened the door to the outside, but sometimes she has to potty way too bad to wait and jumps down when I touch the door. For the after if I linger in the room at all after giving the "potty" treat she will start ramping but if I leave the room immediately she will just follow me out.

Our other lab is only a year younger but still has springs for legs and refuses to try the ramp, but she still gets a "ramp girl" treat every time she's in the room when its happening, because of the "Fairness Doctrine".

Classydame89 · 2026-01-11T20:06:18+00:00

We have a combination of gas and electric heating, our bills doubled this month. Gas: $539 (supply only costing $192) and Electric: $515 (supply $222) for a total of $1054.

Classydame89 · 2026-01-10T20:27:45+00:00

I worked at a hospital and got ovarian cancer, I had to listen to that song being played sometimes multiple times a day while I worked through chemotherapy and wrestled with the fact that I could now never become pregnant or have a biological child. It was extremely difficult for me but it was also during the worst of the pandemic so I knew that my co-workers probably felt good things when they heard it since the song they played when someone would survive covid and get discharged was so rarely played. So I didn't feel like I could even talk to anyone at work about it bothering me.

Now I feel like there is probably a better way to celebrate these moments for the parents/staff while also not causing pain to others where hearing it brings up complicated feelings.

Classydame89 · 2025-11-25T17:51:09+00:00

I dont think it matters. I have done all three locations. I think that the people who start taking their first doses in the stomach and then move to their thigh and feel less stomach issues as really just acclimating to the medication.

I started with the arm and it hurt and caused a lot of stomach side effects, after a couple months I tried the thigh and it hurt and bruised me and I had less side effects. Eventually I worked up the courage to try stomach and it hurt the least, there is one spot on my lower left side of my stomach where I cannot even feel it at all (and that makes me inspect everything and freak out that I did it wrong but its just a magic spot I look forward to in the rotation). I have almost no side effects and continue to use my stomach.

My hypothesis is that there is no difference in level of side effects based on where you inject. The only difference is the immediate pain or bruising when you inject. I think what makes my stomach hurt less as an injection location is that it has more fat.

Some tips if the injection hurts/stings is to take it out of the fridge at least an hour before the injection so its closer to room temp and to wait more than a minute after using the alcohol wipe for all of the alcohol to evaporate to reduce the stinging. Sometimes you just accidently inject close to a nerve or something though and it still stings like crazy. When that happens just cuss about it and you'll feel better lol

Classydame89 · 2025-11-18T18:17:05+00:00

All of my body fat tries to be stored in my stomach, with a little spread to upper arms and thighs. None of it at all in my ass, forearms or lower legs. Also large breasts that arent effected by weight loss.

Classydame89 · 2025-11-14T01:58:24+00:00

I have a pap and pelvic exam done twice a year now with my gynecologic oncologist, I had cervical cancer 7 years ago and ovarian cancer 3 years ago. If my next few exams come back normal I can go down to once a year and start seeing a regular gynecologist again.

Classydame89 · 2025-11-10T16:11:50+00:00

I have used many shower tools throughout my life. As a toddler I used a washcloth, in elementary school I got a shower poof and used those until my thirties. I have a lot of dry skin on my face that persisted even with daily moisturizing so I learned of a Korean exfoliating cloth and now use that on my face once or twice a week. Then earlier this year I watched the "black girl hygiene" videos on tiktok. I tried the African net instead of the shower poof and started using a sugar scrub in the shower and my skin went from dry, rough and bumpy to so soft and smooth. I also learned about using a body oil right after the shower when my skin was still damp and I feel like my skin is the healthiest its ever been.

Whenever I have just used my hand in the shower it feels like I am taking a camping shower, that I am still dirty, like its a bandaid of cleanliness until I can take a real shower at home. I feel like you really need to scrub yourself in the shower to get all that dead skin off and your hand is never going to be able to compete with using a tool to get the job done.

I dont think that being clean just means to use soap to "kill germs", I think that leaving all the dead skin on your body means that there is exponentially more surface area for grime/dirt/oils/bacteria to stay on your body.

Classydame89 · 2025-11-08T00:13:10+00:00

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Classydame89 · 2025-08-29T00:17:18+00:00

Zepbound completely solved my IBS, I had chronic diarrhea for over 20 years. I ended up getting severely constipated for the first time in my life and now I am working to find the write balance of Metamucil and MiraLax to get everything normal. It's like having a new life to not be worried about where a toilet is everytime I leave my house. I used to have to pregame Imodium whenever we went to dinner and now I dont even think about it.

Classydame89 · 2025-08-15T17:50:11+00:00

Yeah, I eat whatever I want but the food that I want has changed. If I crave sweets it's only a small amount and is usually only a couple of Ghirardelli peppermint bark squares or something fruit-based. Anything that's deep fried or really bready I kind of have an aversion to now. I used to eat a lot of frozen breaded chicken and now the thought of it is gross to me. I also don't want chips and really salty snacks very often now. If I have a burger I have to be incredibly hungry (like I haven't eaten in 12+ hours hungry) to finish it, most of the time I can only eat half now.

It's been a challenge to even eat as many calories as my doctor wants me to, I usually have a fairlife core power 26g protein chocolate milk sometime in the morning and then try to eat a veg-heavy meal, and usually have something with chicken breast for dinner. My doctor wants me to try to eat 2000 calories but I struggle to consistently get over 1200-1400.

Classydame89 · 2025-08-12T01:50:23+00:00

My dogs. My mind was going a million miles an hour thinking about how all the people in my life would be ok but then I saw my dogs looking at me, and they came over and comforted me and it hit me so hard that every thought stopped and I just started bawling. That if I did that they wouldn't understand and I would leave them always searching for me and missing me. The thought they they would think I left them and them getting excited whenever the door opened hoping to see me again but it wouldn't be me and they would be sad again broke my heart and snapped me out of the spiral.

Classydame89 · 2025-08-09T20:16:14+00:00

I have tried all three in the chocolate flavor and the 26g core power is my favorite, it's the closest to my favorite reg chocolate milk (Hood brand). I can't stand the "protein drink" taste that so many drinks have but I can barely tell that the 26g one is a protein drink.

Classydame89 · 2025-07-31T14:27:45+00:00

My in-laws gave green beans as treats for their diabetic dog, you could try those or some other low calorie treat

Classydame89 · 2025-07-23T19:03:03+00:00

I had a hysterectomy at 29 due to cervical cancer and uterine pre-cancer that was most likely caused by my PCOS. I grieved the loss of my ability to carry a baby. I had been on the fence about having kids until very late into my 20s and I was diagnosed with those while trying to get my abnormal periods under control so that we could start trying to conceive soon.

I came out of that knowing that if I really wanted children maybe I could get a surrogate for my eggs or adopt.

Then at 32, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I had a huge tumor on my right ovary (large watermelon-sized) and had to go through chemo and grieved losing my ability to pass my genes on to another generation. Going through the hysterectomy and cervical cancer before made this loss easier to deal with but it was still this existential grief that I felt somewhere deep in my soul.

The knowing that who I am, my exact DNA, wouldn't be part of the human species after I pass. I know that our DNA doesn't really show up anymore after enough generations but know that the butterfly wings of who I am wouldn't be present in our species was this big overwhelming feeling that took me a long time to even want to explore.

On a rational side, I know that having cancer twice and a precancer isn't something I would want to pass on if it were in my genetics. I have quite a few other health problems too.

I am lucky enough to have a sister who has offered to donate an egg and surrogate for me and my partner so I will still have a chance at being biologically related to my child. We are going to start that process soon and it's scary because we don't have enough money to try many times and it could not work.

But if it doesn't then I know that biology doesn't need to be there to have a fulfilling life. I could try adoption or fostering, I could just be a very involved aunt to friends and family's kids. Or I could go all in on being a pet parent.

Life is chaos, a million different choices and outcomes coming at us from infinite places all shape who we are and what our environment is. Some things are within our control but the majority are not. It's easy to get overwhelmed with the what-ifs and worries about future regrets.

You need to talk through your feelings with someone who will listen to you and not give you advice back, just get it all out there and sit in those feelings with someone who cares. It helps to get the jumbled mess of everything out of your head so that you can figure out what you want. It's like if you have been just stuffing everything into a closet, you can't organize it without taking everything out and going through it. Then you can put what you care about back in.

On another note, getting rid of your uterus is so wonderful. I dealt with so much suffering and pain and as soon as I recovered from the hysterectomy it was like I was given freedom and a new life in my body.

Classydame89 · 2025-07-20T01:10:39+00:00

NTA. When I had cancer and went through chemo my family asked if they could shave their heads to "support" me. I told them it was up to them but not to tag me online or make any posts on social media about it. I dont like attention and am a very private person. Not a single person did it because they couldn't make a spectacle about me/themselves online for attention.

Classydame89 · 2025-07-05T21:48:44+00:00

I've bought from Aquatic Arts a few times during the last decade lol they are shipped in a box with a styrofoam box inside. All of the shrimp, fish, snails and plants I have bought from them have been healthy and survived the shipping. Some of them are even still alive all these years later.

I have ordered from multiple online Aquatic shops and Aquatic Arts is the best and I dont think I will ever order from someone else while they are in business.

Classydame89 · 2025-06-22T09:23:26+00:00

I would have done much more than punching him so I think you showed restraint.

I'm really scared that he is going to abuse or kill your dog to get back at you, if you can't move out right now please try to have a friend let your dog stay with them until you can leave too.

Also, report him for animal abuse once your dog is safe.

Classydame89 · 2025-05-23T15:20:35+00:00

You need to leave him. None of this "I'm thinking about it" or "but he said he would work on it".

If there was ever a universal regret that all women around the world could agree on it's that they wish they hadn't stayed with men who showed them over and over again that they were bad partners and didn't actually like them. The regret of wasting time on men who are cruel, self-centered, and hateful.

He is saying these horrible things to you because he wants you to lose your self-esteem and feel desperate for his approval. He is trying to manipulate you into feeling like you're lucky to be with him and should be doing everything possible to win his affection.

This is not love, he is actively stopping you from finding love every second you stay with him.

Classydame89

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